Being unreasonable expecting OH to stay home incase labour starts?

[empirepenguin]

So Ive been feeling a tad emotional and sorry for myself as Im overdue and very uncomfortable/keen to have baby out. My OH has been away working a couple of night shifts a week, which is fine and actually gives me some peace and alone time, however now that his shifts have passed he has gone out to see his friends, who are very closeby, but I find myself shocked and really upset that he doesnt want to be home for me whenever he can incase labour starts, or perhaps I need some company. I have been home for weeks and have all bit given up my social life and I feel he has no concept of this.

Am I being too hard on him? I do realise he is a person with emotions too and might be finding change difficult, but we've spoken about this among other fears and I still feel we are on different pages. Is this just pregnancy hormones talking?

Sorry for long/very personal rant!

I am sorry you feel this way. I think that i would too. It is very scary waiting for things to kick off when you do not know when things are going to happen. He is close to home and I should imagine on the end of the phone. He probably has no idea of exactly how you are feeling. Knowing how it will be afterwards, perhaps savour this time alone, as it will be a very long time before you have any real time to be alone post birth. Do not worry if things start to move it is unlikely to happen fat enough for him not to come back and give you the support that you need.

I understand that you want someone to be with you if/when labour kicks off but the part of your post where you say you've given up all your social life is a bit concerning. Is this dc1? If so there's no reason you need to stay in and even if it's dc2/3/4 friends can always come round in the evening. It's not good to be socially isolated particularly just before you have a baby as once the baby comes they are quite effective isolators and it's important not to get too isolated as they don't make great company at the beginning.

You BOTH need to get out. And you'll need it even more so once the baby comes. It also might be a good idea to go out together both now and afterwards.

I know you're right about making the most of this time. This is our first and I know I should be grateful for the relaxation time that I have, but I have been relaxing/killing time for over a month (poor me ). But maybe its more about realising that I am (and I suppose every woman is) ultimately alone in this experience one way or another, and I feel he should just 'get it'. Why men are not gifted with mind-reading abilities is beyond me :)

tigersreturn maybe Im being slightly over dramatic conveying I have no social life anymore. I do and can see friends/family for visits, cuppa, etc. I guess I just dont have the same energy and capacity to entertain people and start to feel pretty uncomfortable when at other's homes. I think I probably resent OH slightly for being able to carry on as normal while Im feeling so pregnant. Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt want it any other way and baby was 100% planned and eagerly anticipated.

Being overdue is miserable, isn't it? I just remember being really bored & frustrated. 2.4 yrs later, I wonder why I didn't spend more time sat on the sofa (well, the ball I guess as I was trying to turn DD) watching DVDs as then doesn't seem to be any time to do that now!

To be honest, I'd let him go out now as he'll actually be needed much more once you've got a newborn than he will be now. Yes, there is the risk of labour kicking off but its unlikely for it to be super quick so he should have plenty of time to get home before needing to take you to the hospital. My rules with DP were that he had to check his phone every 30 mins or so (in a loud pub, he never hears his phone) & not get trollied. I also had to know where he was going (so that if things really kicked off, I could always ring the pub itself) and had the numbers of a couple of his mates so could call or text them if I was unable to get through to him.

Are you able to get out & about during the day? By the time I was 6 days overdue, I felt uncomfortable driving and waddling the mile into town was exhausting which limited what I could do but I could manage to waddle into town, wander around the shops, buy some random baby items & then got a taxi home. I also justified a couple of massages on the basis it might get things going. And of course it was important to have a pedicure as I was about to see my feet again for the first time in months!

Have you suggested to your DP that you go out together in the evening? We went out with mates when I was 11 days overdue and that was my last night out & I look back on it really fondly. A curry may even get things going.

Your baby will be here soon!

I would say that it is fair enough for him to go out if you are happy with that. But that your emotional needs are important too!

So if he's out tonight, fine - but tomorrow and the next and the next - and without you? Not so fine.

If its occasional, he's capable of driving if needs be, and you know where he is, then that's not so bad. Do you have a gf you can call for a girly DVD night/nail-painting/take away session? Could be a great antidote to not feeling like going out with no real 'hosting' needed!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable :)

He's not far away, and as labour usually starts with a gradual build up rather than the sudden 'OOH! THAT HURTS! QUICK THE BABY IS COMING!' that you get on the TV, there's no need for you to need him there the moment you have your first contraction - you might not even realise that it's labour yourself.

I do understand how you feel about not having the energy to entertain or to be entertained, DD was born at 40+16 so I'd been off for a month by the time she put in an appearance, and it's boring being on your own for so long.

Until baby appears, and you yearn for a few more hours to sit and be bored!

This might sound simplistic, but can you talk to him about it? I don't mean a big scene, just something in passing. Something like, when he says he is planning to go out - "lucky you. I'm stuck here. Are you scared about all this too? I'm trying not to resent you being able to go out and forget about it!" in a jokey way?

This is what I plan to do in a similar situation (due in March and have a tactless/bit self centred dh) as I am so hormonal that I would cry if I said anything in a serious way, and build it up into a big scene.

He really might not realise that you don't WANT to be home alone. He might think you want space, especially if you mentioned that when he was doing the shift work. Or he might just need a nudge (like my dh almost certainly will).

So he's working and also going out? You must be on your own a lot of the time. I wouldn't like that either - the waiting is really hard emotionally, for me at least and I'm not normally at all clingy. I'm 11 days late and being around other people is essential to my sanity - either DH or close friends! I'm guessing he doesn't understand how you feel.

Hope baby comes soon!

I think the loneliness plays a big part as home alone during the day a lot then occasionally at night. Really I think the hormones are playing a huge part in how Im feeling. We had a lovely chat after the other night and I felt a lot better emotionally. Then sweep yesterday and OH went out and gave me and sis-in-law peace to watch 1 Born Every Minute (love it!) and I was on a total high, then back to waiting today and Im hormonal and teary again even with hubby home making tea and giving cuddles :)

I think this stage in pregnancy is a trying time and as a first time mum Im on a bit of a rollercoaster. Thanks for all the different perspectives! It all helps :)