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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Not sure if this is the right place to post - 2nd Babies as special and loved as first?

15 replies

CharliesMummyMeg · 01/01/2012 23:11

Hi everyone sorry if this is not the right place to post. Just wondered were you 2nd pregnancies and babies as special to you and your family etc as your first? Is every pregnancy diffrent? As in, is it like doing it all over again for the first time? Did your family all make a fuss like they did the first time?
After having our DS which was our 1st was a little worried that if we had a 2nd it wouldnt be that special for us and family as we have already had one and have already been through it?
I know in my head im being silly i just want the next one to be as special x

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tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 01/01/2012 23:23

My pregnancy and births were totally different. My boys are totally different! People made less of a fuss 2nd time round, but we were also more clear about how much fuss we wanted I guess.
I didn't have the same instant rush of love on seeing 2nd son, but that was due to the birth, however co-sleeping breast feeding etc ensured I did get the time I was worried I wouldn't have 2nd time round and within days I was over the moon and very over protective etc.
Looking back I wish I had spent more time on trying to keep things as normal as possible for older son as I went OTT doing lots of extra activities with him and he really lost the plot bless him. His behaviour was horrible and I was so tired. So relax, walk, park etc, simple stuff.
Try and take as many photos as you did 1st time round.
Good luck and congratulations x

claireinmodena · 01/01/2012 23:26

Definitely special to us. Didnt notice any different attitude in close family either, not that I would have cared. Our two are bith special to me and dh in their own unique ways.

Second birth much better so in a way more special as I was able to "enjoy" the moment more. I also enjoyed dd2s early days more (but this doesnt make them more special), just because I was more chilled out (as in this time I knew what I was doing!)than with dd1.

Jemma1111 · 01/01/2012 23:31

With me, my second pregnancy didn't seem as special as the first, I imagine its partly because I'd already done it and also I never had the time to concentrate on it as I was too busy running around after a toddler.

I remember feeling very upset during the 2nd pregnancy because I didn't feel the same bond with my unborn baby as I had done the first time around and I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to love this baby as much as my first.

How I worried needlessly!. The moment my 2nd child was placed in my arms I instantly felt exactly the same amount of love for her as I did my 1st child.

rootietootie · 01/01/2012 23:35

2nd baby just as loved and is special just as much as first. But considering there is 10 years between them it was almost as though is was my first pregnancy.

MrsHollyandtheIvy · 01/01/2012 23:44

I've just spent an hour cuddling DD (DC2) and that was every bit as special as cuddling DS. Perhaps in a different way - cuddling your first is new and exciting but cuddling your second is precious because you're so much more aware how quickly they grow up!

I once read somewhere (quite possibly a MN book!) that you shouldn't worry about loving a second as babies just bring the love with them. Slightly twee but definitely true!

I should also add that, in my case, they also both brought the sleepless nights and just as the cuddles don't get any less lovely, the sleepless nights don't get an easier!!!!

onefunkymama · 01/01/2012 23:47

Nope, although we love our second child just as much as our first the whole excitement and novelty was not there. I didn't bond as well with teh second as the first. I guess I foolishly expected it to be the same both times.

HippoPottyMouth · 01/01/2012 23:54

I found the pregnancy and baby bit to be as special, although you worry about the effect on the eldest. Since dd2 has been born, the best bit I think has been seeing how different the two girls are :)
I did notice a dramatice difference in the number of visitors / cards etc for the second though, but that is not necessarily a bad thing :)

Original poster

CharliesMummyMeg · 02/01/2012 01:50

thanks to you all :) i'm hoping 2nd baby will be as special as the first - i should of mentioned im not pregnant with 2nd just yet haha and we are not trying for another untill a few years because i wanted a gap in between (6ish years) so maybe the gap will let me forget the 1st pregnancy and what its like with your first aka it will be like having my first all over again! x

OP posts:

JessmummyOf2 · 02/01/2012 13:21

I've had 2 completely different pregnancies and births. One traumatic and the other textbook! But i felt the rush of love when my second was placed in my arms just as much as i did with my 1st. at the end of the day, it's still a baby and every baby is special and exciting for different reasons! it will be special for its own reasons :) good luck! x

SoupDragon · 02/01/2012 13:36

I think its complicated. DS1 will always be my firstborn and have a special place in my heart. Then again, DS2 was the baby for a long time and will always have a different special place in my heart for that. DD, the last born, will have a special place in my heart for being the last and the only daughter.

I love them all equally and, no doubt, had the gaps been different or whatever, they wold still have their own special place for something or other (DS2 was 2 weeks earlier, 2lbs lighter and 2cm smaller round the head - that was pretty special in my book :))

I didn't have as much time to "wallow" in pregnancy and new born baby time with the subsequent children but I was less neurotic too.

I do ponder this sometimes. DS1 is angelic and I think "how could I love anyone more than him?" but then I think that DS2 is cheeky and gorgeous and how could I love anyone more much as him...

CuppaTeaJanice · 03/01/2012 08:50

I love DC2 just as much as DC1, but it's a more relaxed, enjoyable kind of love, if that makes sense. The love I felt for DC1 in the early days was scared, overwhelming and physically painful at times. I wasn't prepared for the emotions and how vulnerable I would feel. With DC2, after a mmc and a lot of pregnancy related anxiety, it was as if a weight had been lifted when she was born safely. It's more of a contented love I feel for her.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 03/01/2012 16:30

I am currently pregnant with DC2 and also been wondering this. Then I started feeling the first kicks a couple of days ago and new this baby would be just as special. I think maybe it just feels weird before you have more than one because all your love is focused on that one child.

Flisspaps · 03/01/2012 16:35

I am 26w pregnant with DC2, and there seems to be less fuss from others than there was first time round and that suits me down to the ground. I couldn't bear questions about constipation or ducking out of the way of hands wanting to grope my bump.

I have less 'time' to be pregnant this time round. With a toddler there's no time for napping in the evenings or long lie ins at the weekends.

I already feel that I love this baby as much as I love DD, and it's really rather nice. It's strange to finally understand what people mean when they say that you can love more than one child, equally, and without any reduction in the love that you had before - so your first child doesn't get less love, but the second one gets the same amount as what you have available increases :)

Zimbah · 03/01/2012 18:49

I wondered whether I could possibly love DD2 as much as I love DD1, but once she was born I loved her immediately, and like it had with DD1 it grew in the following weeks. I did feel wracked with guilt for the first couple of weeks thinking that I'd ruined DD1's life, but that's passed now and I love them both equally. Sometimes I like one of them more than the other - my sweet contented baby seems utterly perfect in comparison to a stroppy, defiant 3yr old . On the other hand sometimes my kind-hearted and funny 3yr old seems far more lovely than the grizzly teething baby.

The other thing that having two has brought is I feel a lot more complete as a family now, it always felt like something was missing before.

sillyily · 03/01/2012 22:26

I'm 25wks with DC2, and am sooo much more excited with this one than with DC1... I was only 17 when I had dc1, and me and partner who was 22 argued constantly as we were'nt ready.. had emergency cs and didnt bond for about 2weeks. Although im only 20 now, so still young, we feel ready for this baby as we have now bought our own house, I have a good job, partner has set up a successful business and we are engaged! (busy 2 years!!) I always have a niggling worry that I will love one more than the other, or I think i'm never going to love dc2 as much as dc1, so over compensate, making dc1 left out or vice versa!

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