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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

please help, it was the worst day of my life

19 replies

kirstystewart · 21/12/2011 13:12

I kno this is going to come across wrong, but does anyone feel that the day they had there baby was the worst of their life? Due to the hospitals negligence I was on my own for most of it, coz they said they forgot to call my husband to tell him to come in (it was 2am) so I thought they had called him and was waiting for him in the labour suit (in agony) and then when he did arrive, they wouldn't let him in until visiting hours (11am.) by the time they decided to do a emergency c-section at 8pm, I had been fully dilated for 4 hours. They took me into surgery, and told my husband to wait outside till someone came to get him. While he was waiting they tried to give me a c-section without any anaesthetic, coz they thought I had already had it. I was screaming that I hadn't and my midwife had to literally throw herself over me till the dr noticed I was moving my legs quite normally. They knocked me out with gas anyway, all the while my husband is waiting outside with no idea what's going on, until a baby is taken past him, knowing I'm the only one in there, he asks if it's his, they tell him it's confidential. And take they baby away, threaten him with security if he doesn't leave the hospital. I wake up alone in a room, no idea what's happened. About 20 mins later someone walks in and says oh! I think ur baby is in scbu and we asked ur husband to leave and we think u have an infection. WTF??? I still have nightmares about it 9 months later. I will never have another child. Rant over. Does anyone else hurt when they think about the birth of ur child? they said they would try to get me a councillor but the wait is 2 years, meanwhile i now have vaginismus, and i just dont kno what to do.

OP posts:
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DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2011 13:16

Contact the Birth Trauma Association

Have you made a formal complaint about how you were treated?

What you describe isn't normal - not by a long way.

ShowOfHands · 21/12/2011 13:18

Can't type much as am bfing ds but will come back later. Yes I've been there and come out the other side. Even had another baby years later. Will be back.

kirstystewart · 21/12/2011 13:20

i did and they told me i was only young and the drugs they gave me afterward must have muddled my memory
as he was going though my notes he was adding things to controdict what i was telling me, right in front of me! he wrote that i had said i didnt want anyone in the theatre with me, so now my notes are very inaccurate

OP posts:
debka · 21/12/2011 13:21

That is worse than awful. I am so sorry you went through that. My DDs birthdays were far and away the happiest days of my life.

Jenda · 22/12/2011 00:40

im so sorry you went through this. it sounds absolutely horrendous. Please contact the BTA as above, i am sure they will be able to help you

lollystix · 22/12/2011 22:52

The birth of ds1 was the worst week of my life. Long back to back labour over days - kept being sent home, finally epidural, emcs, haemorrhage and HPU then 5 days communal ward, total agony from section to point I screamed so much day 3 they gave me morphine, 3 weeks to est. Feeding etc, etc. Health visitor 'diagnosed' PTS afterwards - lots of crying on my part with MIL constantly telling me her kids birthdays were the best of her life. Felt like a failure - BUT I have gone on to have 3 more and they have been the happiest of days to the point I now oddly 'enjoyed' labours of dc3&4. If it makes any sense they exorcised the ghosts of my labour with ds1.

IMO Every experience is so different - alot is dependant on your knowledge of your wishes and rights (I was TOTALLY compliant with ds1-by ds3 and 4 I was calling the shots) and also your mw who is on shift. Please don't write off another one.

Highlander · 22/12/2011 23:02

Lierally unbelievable, given that the surgeon always asks for the OK from the anaesthetist before he/she cuts.

Highlander · 22/12/2011 23:02

Sorry, literally

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 23/12/2011 08:14

Yes, because we all know mistakes never happen and that you have been present at every operation in the country.

breatheslowly · 23/12/2011 10:00

While not in the same league as your experiences, I did find that the MW at our debrief was all too ready to say "no that didn't happen because it isn't in the notes". The notes were very brief and DH and I clearly remember some things that aren't included. Recognising and accepting patient experience and that notes aren't always complete is important and sometimes lacking.

Have you taken legal advice? I ask not because I think people should go after compensation, but it can be a way to get things taken seriously and may be a way to get them to fund proper counselling for you.

Also I would certainly make a complaint about things being added to your notes. You could contact PALS at your hospital.

If it is any help, I was convinced that I wouldn't have any more babies after our experiences, I am now fairly confident that we will at some point. We won't be going back to the same hospital though.

ariane5 · 23/12/2011 10:57

how terrible, you poor thing it sounds absolutely horrific.I wish i had some advice but others have suggested places to contact that might help .

Really wish i had something helpful to say, i have had 3 cs and although i was nervous they went ok, i simply cant imagine how you must have felt Sad

midwivesdeliver · 25/12/2011 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stottiecake · 27/12/2011 00:06

oh God you poor poor thing Sad

massive hugs x

Sillyoldelf · 27/12/2011 00:12

You are not alone . I was debriefed after mine . It really helped . Please ask your GP what debriefing is available . It will get better I promise . It will never totally get better , but you will be able to move on . It took me about a year . But I still find birthdays a very difficult and emotional time.

Sillyoldelf · 27/12/2011 00:14

Ps I didn't get a mw debriefing me so don't be put off by earlier comments about debriefing .

ZuleikaJambiere · 29/12/2011 14:26

Kirsty, I read your thread the other day and it has stayed with me, as you had such an awful time, my heart goes out to you

I don't know if my comments will help at all, but I had a fairly bog standard birth (hospital, epidural, stitches afterwards), not perfect, but a lot like millions of other births - and very unlike your own. But despite it being routine, not distressing, I wouldn't describe it as the best day of my life, and I find it odd when people do TBH. I've always seen it as a means to an end - not the most pleasant thing to go through (who wants to spend hours in pain, poo themselves in front of strangers and bare all to anyone and everyone) but it definitely brought me the best thing in my life, my DD.

I can fully understand why you are having nightmares, and I'm sure I would need counselling or other support to get over that experience if it were me. But what I'm trying to say (but feel I'm not doing it very well) is not to think that it should have been the best day, because it may not have been anyway.

kelly2000 · 01/02/2012 18:08

I now this thread finished a month ago, but just thought I woul ask how the OP is. I honestly think she should speak to the birth trauma association, and seek legal advice (can the birth trauma association advise on this) - the changing of her medical notes is apart from anything else a criminal act. I would also contact the gmc about the doctor too.

kirstystewart · 06/06/2012 10:11

Surprisingly well, I'm now having physiotherapy and it's going very well!

OP posts:
SweetPea3 · 13/06/2012 21:08

So glad to hear this x x x

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