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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

homebirth story for the homebirthers

12 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 19/12/2011 21:15

where did the first time homebirthers thread go?? Well we were close to being full up so here's a new thread complete with stats and my long awaited story (sorry about that)

DUE
MrsArchchancellorRidcully, due 16 November, DC2
Tortoiseonthehalfshell, due 26 November, DC2;
usingapseudonym, due 2 Dec, DC2
redheadbedhead, due 23 Jan 2012 DC1
Boobz, due March 2012, DC3

ARRIVED
SelinaDoula, Baby boy Finn arrived 5 days overdue Aug 3, quick homebirth but transfer due to tear.
JenniL, Baby girl Elise Olivia arrived 28 Aug, crash section due to placental abruption.
KtisPG, Baby boy Edwin James arrived very overdue on 10 Sept, fab hospital waterbirth.
Nannyl, Baby girl born 14 Sept, amazing hypnobirth at home.
MissTriangle, Baby girl Eva born 19 Sept, long labour with transfer to hospital for C-section.
KellyKettle, Baby girl born 15 October, lovely home waterbirth.
Elgoldenflower, Baby boy Lincoln born 3 Nov, c-section but well looked after.
Collieandpup, Baby boy Isaac born 21 Nov, lovely homebirth.
GirlWithTheMouseyHair, baby girl Maggie Juliet arrived 25th November, speedy and intense homebirth
HoneyLovesCake, baby boy arrived 6th December, transferred for ventouse

MrsArch? Tortoise? pseudonym?!!!!!!

Birth Story for Maggie Juliet - be warned, long and detailed despite quick birth!

I was due on 24th Nov, went for a midwife appointment on 23rd with my usual midwife, Juliet, and she gave me a sweep (cheekily because she wanted to deliver this baby if poss after delivering DS 3 years ago, and she was away the following week!). That evening I lost a fair amount of mucus (not sure if it was a plug or not!) and the strong Braxton Hicks I'd been having for months added in a layer of mild pain. My best friend was over that evening and convinced I was in labour but I was pretty sure it was BH, and anyway they were irregular and didn't last very long. All died down overnight.

Next morning (24th) we took DS to the park and the long walk and standing around kicked off painful BH again, which again died down when we got home and I rested. That afternoon (24hours after the sweep) I told midwife it hadn't worked so we arranged for her to do another one in a few days. A friend came round to see us so I walked the 10mins to the bus stop to collect him in the hope of setting off the BH again - which worked! By about 7pm DH ahd made dinner for our friend and his girlfriend and the BH had got a bit more painful and were starting to last longer and be more regular. Convinced it wasn't labour but DH said if it was, we needed to get DS sorted so we called Juliet. She measured me at 8pm and confirmed I was in early labour and was 3cm dilated. She went home to get into something more comfy, we called my mum to come and get DS - friend and his girlfriend hastily disappeared!!

Had a lovely hour with DS watching The Princess Bride and playing until my mum arrived to take him back to hers, then we called Juliet again once they'd gone as the contractions seemed to be getting more intense, though not longer. She and Laura, the second midwife, arrived about 10pm. It was Laura's first job since qualifying and also her first ever homebirth and seeing as we were expecting a quick second stage at least, she was there from the start.

We all bedded down in the living room, soft lights, clary sage oil burning, Black Box Recorder playing, just chatting and telling jokes. Gradually it became harder for me to focus on everone else and by 11:30pm it felt like labour had really got going. DH was constantly massaging me throughout, which again was the best pain relief. I completely forgot I could have gas and air and needed to be reminded twice, then finally got it at about 12:30. Focussing on the outbreath really helped and getting into comfortable positions between contractions as once a contraction started it intensified very quickly and I couldn't move during them except to sway. If I remembered to relax my shoulders and bum and let the ground take my weight, it also made the contractios easier to bear. I was having 5in10 at this point, they were really intense and really painful, much more than I remembered them being with DS.

We'd all expected it to be quick and I was waiting for the feeling like I wanted to empty my bowells and at 1am thought I'd had that feeling and was ready to push. Inco pads were quickly spread under me, DH got into a position we'd discussed previously and for half an hour I struggled to push. I felt like I was having to make the effort to push, compared to DS' birth when I had no control and had to just let me body go with it. The contractions never seemed to get strong enough or last long enough so eventually Juliet said she wanted to examine me as it was odd the way it was progressing. When she said I was only 5cm part of me was relieved as the "pushing" hadn't felt right, relieved there wasn't something wrong for me to transfer in for, but of course I was devastated that it'd taken me 5hours to progress just 2cm; looking back I should have made the comparison with DS' birth where similarly the beginning stage was fairly slow and steady, but I just plummetted in my morale and convinced myself it would be daylight before I gave birth - from then on I found it a lot harder to cope with, which goes to show what power the mind has! The gas and air wasn't particularly effective as it lost my concentration on the outbreath which was the only thing helping me keep it together.

The contractions would build very suddenly then gradually tail off. I tried having a shower which was lovely but my mind was overwhelmingly down and I eventually got out thinking if I just lay down for a bit I'd rest and be able to cope, I went very into myself and retreated into the bedroom. DH kept reassuring me, reminding me all the reasons I didn't want to go to hospital, all the reasons I didn't want an epidural. Lying down slowed the contractions down but also made them much harder to bear so eventually I got up and joined the midwives back in the sitting room - I was just so tired and so demoralised, I kept telling them I wouldn't last the night and would have to transfer for more pain relief. Their quiet confidence in me felt gently supportive, there was no pressure in any direction, just the reminder to take each contraction as it came and I did cope better having the physical support and presence of Juliet, Laura and Paul.

At 2:50ish I announced I needed a poo and didn't care what they all thought - everyone gently told me to do whatever I needed to do, all of us convinced I couldn't be much more than 6cm now. The the utter overwhelming opening up happened as had done with DS and I cried out that it was happening, the baby was coming. Everyone I think then rushed to get into places where they could see, monitor etc but it was all a blur of excruciating pain and power sweeping through me - the same uncontrollable pushing with DS but SO much bigger and more intense. Maggie's head was born as my waters broke and she gave a little cry (very odd feeling!) and I just about managed to listen to Juliet and not push so she could turn the shoulders, but I have never known pain like waiting for those few seconds!

The rest of the her body was born (2nd stage lasted 4mins) and I literally grabbed her out of Juliet's hands - so different to DS who I was so terrified of holding I went into shock! DH maneouvered around me and the 3 of us sat there cuddling for 25mins, Juliet taking amazing photos, just absolute love filling the whole room - and a little shock from all of us that she was there!

I eventually had a managed third stage, my body just couldn't do any more, and the ensuing few hours were so relaxed and joyful - we were all running off each others' adrenaline I think! Maggie fed immediately, then I got showered and was looked after by the midwives, who also cleaned everything up, got Maggie weighed and nappied up. Then the 3 of us retired to our bed, Juliet and Laura left at about 6am.

On paper it was exactly the same as my labour with DS, just a hell of a lot quicker, and I do feel rotten for having lost faith in myself and my body when I'd been doing so well up til then and coping ok despite it being more intense. But the aftermath especially was just so incredible - it was in fact an amazing experience yet again, and I'm so so so so glad I chose to homebirth again.

Maggie's middle name is after Juliet, who delivered DS as well, who has been incredible over the last 3.5years - I can't get over the brilliant service I've had from her and her team on the NHS, I don't think I could have had better support had I paid for it!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Boobz · 20/12/2011 04:33

Wow, well done darling, you did amazingly. That is probably the longest birth story I have ever read! But worth the wait. Can't believe she is almost a month old already.

And 10 weeks until my own... Eek.

Ambrosial · 20/12/2011 14:00

Really great story, thank you for sharing.

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'm planning a home birth and I'm desperately looking for some kind of support. It's my first baby and I'm due on 28th Feb, making me 30 weeks now. I'm being looked after by the community midwives as we didn't think we could afford an independent midwife, but I'm starting to worry that my midwife just isn't on my side. She seems totally unwilling to discuss my plans with me and keeps fobbing me off with 'lets just wait and see how you feel in a few weeks'. I had my birth plan started when I went in for my booking appointment and she seemed to find it amusing that I'd already put so much thought into it. I get the impression that she thinks I'm naive and I'll eventually decide to behave myself and come into the midwife led unit instead. I know that they can't decide whether to 'allow' you to have a home birth until closer to your due date in case of complications, etc, but I wouldn't have thought that should negate answering questions and concerns that I raise in my appointments, should it?

I don't have an unrealistic view of home birth- I'm fully aware of both the pros and the cons. I've thought very hard about this, and I've also thought really hard about what to do if things get beyond my control and I have to go to hospital. I've even packed a transfer bag and made provision in my birth plan for what I would want if I end up having lots of interventions. In other words, I'm NOT naive, I'm making a really rational and well thought through decision: that's what's making me feel so frustrated when she wont answer really basic questions in return.

So, with a negative attitude from my midwife, my friends thinking I've suddenly turned into a yoghurt weaving hippy Xmas Grin , a complete lack of information from the antenatal class that I've attended so far, homebirth.org.uk suddenly disappearing from the internet this week (I really hope it's coming back) and the two local home birth support groups in my area not meeting until after I'm due I'm starting to feel a bit down. Or maybe it's just the huge massive surge of hormones making me totally irrational and desperate Xmas Blush

Sorry to rant. I'm usually rather nice really, I promise...

nannyl · 20/12/2011 15:44

well done

great to hear about another wonderful home birth!

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 20/12/2011 20:38

Ambrosial you sound about as far from naive as possible! Where are you based? It might be worth finding out if you have another community midwife team - for my first homebirth I felt quite unsupported by my original team then found out there was another team operating out of the same hospital in my area and I was able to transfer to them at 36weeks.

If not, try not to worry - take heart in that your midwife isn't actively discouraging you, though it does sound like she's being a bit obtuse. The likelihood of her being your midwife on the day is presumably quite low, but in any case I'd do preparations which count on the support of your birthing partners to get through labour, knowing the midwives will be there but you won't have to rely on them emotionally if they turn out to not be very involved.

Are the questions you have very specific to your area, or quite general about homebirths? We can also answer the latter anecdotally so any way we can help just holler (boobz is planning her 3rd homebirth for example and has done way more research than I have! We both had our first babies at home with very different labours)

Good luck, add yourself to the stats!

OP posts:
Ambrosial · 21/12/2011 11:00

DUE
MrsArchchancellorRidcully, due 16 November, DC2
Tortoiseonthehalfshell, due 26 November, DC2;
usingapseudonym, due 2 Dec, DC2
redheadbedhead, due 23 Jan 2012 DC1
Ambrosial, due 28th Feb 2012 DC1
Boobz, due March 2012, DC3

ARRIVED
SelinaDoula, Baby boy Finn arrived 5 days overdue Aug 3, quick homebirth but transfer due to tear.
JenniL, Baby girl Elise Olivia arrived 28 Aug, crash section due to placental abruption.
KtisPG, Baby boy Edwin James arrived very overdue on 10 Sept, fab hospital waterbirth.
Nannyl, Baby girl born 14 Sept, amazing hypnobirth at home.
MissTriangle, Baby girl Eva born 19 Sept, long labour with transfer to hospital for C-section.
KellyKettle, Baby girl born 15 October, lovely home waterbirth.
Elgoldenflower, Baby boy Lincoln born 3 Nov, c-section but well looked after.
Collieandpup, Baby boy Isaac born 21 Nov, lovely homebirth.
GirlWithTheMouseyHair, baby girl Maggie Juliet arrived 25th November, speedy and intense homebirth
HoneyLovesCake, baby boy arrived 6th December, transferred for ventouse

Thank you GirlWithTheMouseyHair
I'm based in Woking. I think when I'm at my next appointment with MW I'm going to just be much firmer and (politely) demand answers so that I can put my mind at rest and move on. And you're right, at least she's not actively putting me off! I'm a born planner and it seems weird to me that everything gets discussed so late for a home birth- although I do understand that they can't confirm anything until they know that you're healthy enough, etc. I think it's frustrating but inevitable that they try not to get your hopes up, but in doing so may very well drive people to abandon their plans if they don't think they're going to get the help they need. Funny- I never thought I'd be so intimidated by being in such a small minority- I think this must have been my week to freak out!

And I'm lucky enough to have a really, really supportive husband and I know that he's there for me emotionally. I suspect I'm worrying too much about my midwife and what she thinks: I should spend more time thinking about us and the baby instead.

My questions are mostly really specific tbh. Although I'd love to know at what point you're meant to phone the midwives. I've heard conflicting advice about letting them know straight away so they can start to think about you in relation to the day's rota, and other advice saying that you should wait so that you don't have a midwife hanging about unnecessarily and questioning your progress.

Thank you again for your post, and I hope life is going marvellously with your new little one. It's nice to find other homebirthers out there!

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 22/12/2011 13:58

god no worries, I'm really lucky that my caseloading m/w team are very women-lead and huge homebirth advocates (bordering on the fanatic) but the team I was with for most of my first pregnancy were very similar to yours.

I've heard various things about when to call midwives too - with DS I woke up knowing I was in labour but waited til contractions were 2in10 because it was 2am and I didn;t want to wake the m/w on call til I needed to! They told me to call bacl when contractions were lasting 1min, but then my midwife came on shift at 8am, heard I was in labour and came to see me then anyway. With DD I was initially told to call when contractions were 3in10, then my midwife (same as before) told me to call as soon as I felt the first twinge as DS was a speedy labour.

I would judge it on the day and not worry too much, call them when you feel you want them to know, if that's right at the beginning that's fine....

Briliant you're so pro it despite not the most positive reaction from midwife, but have faith, she might get more into it as you get closer and can def go for it if your pregnancy remains low risk

OP posts:
Grohlsgirl · 22/12/2011 15:21

Mind if I gatecrash this thread?

Love reading homebirth stories. I'm currently 40+10 and praying that I go into labour in the next 4 days so that i can have a home birth. Pool has been set up in the dining room for the last 4 weeks so i really really hope i get to use it! Very lucky to have a fantastic midwife and team who all want this to happen for me, going to find out tomorrow how long they'll actually let me go before referring me to hospital. Baby is small but active so far so fingers crossed...

Ambrosial · 22/12/2011 16:57

Thank you! Me and my DH are talking about hiring a doula now so that we've got a bit of emotional support. I think it might help me stop worrying about the MWs as I'm sure things will improve as I get closer.

Good luck Grohlsgirl - fingers crossed for you!

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 22/12/2011 17:15

Hello!

I have been lurking about this thread for months now but have decided now is the time to announce myself proper. I'm 28 weeks and planning a home birth with my first. So far pretty much everyone I have told, including the nurse who took my bloods at the hospital, has just said 'gosh, how brave!', which I have learnt to ignore. Thankfully DP loves the idea of a home birth and both families are really supportive.

ambrosial my midwife has made it clear that she is really supportive if me having a home birth but doesn't want to get down to details until later. She has said she will make a house visit at 35 weeks and we will go through everything then as by then we will know everything there is we are likely to know about the pregnancy and so can make clear decisions and plans. Like you I am an obsessive pre-planner so it is frustrating in a way but I think she is right that it is better to go through everything at a later date as I should think that things like when to call the midwife could be different depending on how the pregnancy progresses and if you might need the extra support early on. Anyway, I have just been researching like made and hanging out on mumsnet in the mean time, which seems to be dealing with most of my questions :)

Anyway, I have added myself into the list. Cor, exciting stuff :o

DUE
MrsArchchancellorRidcully, due 16 November, DC2
Tortoiseonthehalfshell, due 26 November, DC2;
usingapseudonym, due 2 Dec, DC2
redheadbedhead, due 23 Jan 2012 DC1
Ambrosial, due 28th Feb 2012 DC1
Boobz, due March 2012, DC3
HidingInTheUndergrowth, due 13 March 2012, DC1

ARRIVED
SelinaDoula, Baby boy Finn arrived 5 days overdue Aug 3, quick homebirth but transfer due to tear.
JenniL, Baby girl Elise Olivia arrived 28 Aug, crash section due to placental abruption.
KtisPG, Baby boy Edwin James arrived very overdue on 10 Sept, fab hospital waterbirth.
Nannyl, Baby girl born 14 Sept, amazing hypnobirth at home.
MissTriangle, Baby girl Eva born 19 Sept, long labour with transfer to hospital for C-section.
KellyKettle, Baby girl born 15 October, lovely home waterbirth.
Elgoldenflower, Baby boy Lincoln born 3 Nov, c-section but well looked after.
Collieandpup, Baby boy Isaac born 21 Nov, lovely homebirth.
GirlWithTheMouseyHair, baby girl Maggie Juliet arrived 25th November, speedy and intense homebirth
HoneyLovesCake, baby boy arrived 6th December, transferred for ventouse

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 22/12/2011 17:17

Doh! Spent soooooo long composing that post and working out how to copy the list that I cross posted.

A doula sounds like it could be a great idea if it will make you feel more confident about having someone there who is completely on your side.

Boobz · 29/12/2011 13:52

Hello all. Am having my own mini nightmare now - looks like the house I was supposed to be house-sitting in for 2 months in Feb and March has gone belly up (the guy who owns it has just broken up with his long time girlfriend whilst travelling in Argentina, which means he might come home early from travelling with her and want his place back, naturally) so I now don't have anywhere to come back and live from 36 weeks pregnant through to the baby being about 4 weeks old and we return to Kenya. Was also planning to give birth in that house so even if I did manage to sort somewhere out to live, I might have to go into hospital to give birth which I really don't want....

So now am looking into possibility of home birth in Kenya! Which is not really the done thing around here (or at least not at the British High Commission) and so am trying to find as much info as possible. My wonderful midwife (and friend) in the UK says she will come to deliver the baby, but I'm not sure about the legalities of that as she won't be registered in Kenya and therefore no insurance etc...

Argh, what to do! I have to make my mind up within about 10 days! Does anyone have a spare house is the Lambeth area which can house 2 adults, 2 toddlers and a newborn for 8 weeks from early Feb?

Ambrosial · 17/01/2012 15:42

Hello again!

Good news this time! I've just got back from seeing my MW and we had a really good appointment. I explained that I was feeling unsupported and had concerns about questions being left unanswered/an apparent reluctance to commit to my plan and she changed totally. She hadn't realised that the way she was discussing my pregnancy was coming across as off putting and we had a really nice frank, friendly discussion and she made it clear that she was absolutely on board. It's a real relief and just goes to show how easy it is for any of us to go into autopilot sometimes and inadvertently give people the wrong impression!

We've also hired a doula who is really lovely and guarantees us plenty of emotional support on the day regardless of what happens.

Huge relief! I've had all my questions answered and it feels like it's actually going to happen now. Also been lucky enough to meet another home birther at our local NCT class and not one but two passionate home birth advocates- one of whom is our NCT course leader.

Now I'm off to have a sit down and a celebratory cuppa Brew

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