Just stupidly watched some birth videos on YouTube...

[LoveInAColdClimate]

...and there's nothing else for it, this baby will just have to stay where it is. I will just be pregnant for ever. It'll be fine. This new, revised "non-birth plan" is foolproof... right?

Nah, birth is the best bit - rather do that 10 times than be pregnant for 9 months!

Watch some clips of women doing hypnobirthing or natal hypnotherapy. I thought they were on pause but they were actually playing - no noise, no moving about - just sitting still, quiet.

I am ordering myself one of those kinds of births this time, looks much more simple than what I had before!

Get a tens machines for pain relief at home. Get energy drinks with a sports lid. It is abit rubbish but you get to see your lovely baby at the end of it. Remember you won't be able to see what is happening to your lady garden! Don't watch anymore! I gave birth twice and I'm a big baby. Ds2 was only with gas and air because I arrived at hospital at 10cm. So it can't be that bad. My friends have laughed at me because I'm going to ask for a local anesthetic when I get my coil replaced! It probably looks worse than it is. I didn't look at any births, visit the hospital or anything because I didn't want to know. I did visualisation to distract me, Jack Bauer and a huge glass of chilled chardonnay.

Oh bugger, this plan isn't really viable, is it? The baby is probably going to insist on making its escape one way or another. I have got the TENS machine on order and have actually bought some hypnobirthing CDs, but am rubbish at using them as I can't actually do the relaxing bit (am just the same at my active birth yoga - love the stretching but just can't do the quiet relaxation). Perhaps I could just hide under the bed instead and pretend this isn't happening? I'm supposed to be finishing work at 35 weeks but am actually considering working later since at least work distracts me from The Horror That Is To Come...

Now that was silly wasn't it Love

I say tell DH you've chnaged your mind. And get a puppy instead.

Go to www.mybirth.tv for lots of normal births

Do you know what, catinboots, a puppy really seems like a much better plan right now. I really wish I'd thought about that a bit earlier .

CrotchFlakes - honestly? If I click that link, am I going to be booking in for a C section?

You could watch videos of c-sections too?

I know how terrifying it is knowing the baby has to come out somehow but it's a brief sneeze of time and the bit that comes next is why you do it. Some women even enjoy it. But then some women voluntarily watch Eastenders. Takes all sorts.

You'll be fine. Might not be as bad as you're imagining. And there are drugs in hospitals. Powerful ones. Read around as much as you wish, hypnobirthing, intervention, c-sections, all of it. Have an idea of what you'd like and how you'd achieve it if possible, acknowledge what you want if it goes differently to the ideal and then close the books, turn off the computer and watch a dvd/drink tea/eat cake safe in the knowledge that you can't control the birth but you can look forward to the wonderful little person it produces..

Thanks, SOH. I think I may have almost done too much reading and prep and scared myself - perhaps Victorian ignorance would have been better for me . Ah well, lots of people do it more than once... surely it can't be that bad .

NotJust - yes, that one was amazing! But I have a feeling it was probably not her first baby (she seemed amazingly calm and experienced) and so am having trouble believing that mine is just going to pop out in the same way...

I find the mybirth ones a refreshing contrast to the usual telly birth - woman lying on a bed like a beached whale strapped to monitors with people in white coats yelling at her when to push. It's good to see the other side of the scale, with women birthing themselves in an instinctive position with hands off midwives quietly in the background. Yes they still yell and poo but it's on their own terms

And anyway, it's totally different when it's you. I actually threw up (while pregnant) after an episode of that Channel 4 thing One Born Every Minute. But that's because I just can't stand the sight of someone in pain. Normal. But when it's you doing it a. you have insane hormones washing around you which will help and b. can have gas and air, epidural etc etc and c. feel like superheroine goddess afterwards.

Still might sting a bit but I promise you that babies are more fun than puppies. Stick with plan A.

CrotchFlakes - site's not working for me right now but will try again later.

LuckyC - thank you. And I suppose at least I won't be able to see what's going on at the fanjo end (pretty sure I won't be utilising a mirror...)...

Oh your poor thing...at some point most women think 'sh!t its got to come out' and it is an eye watering thought...but TRUST me, when you get to 39/40 weeks you will not care one bit you will just want that baby out....im on my 5th time, gone for hypnobirthing this time, you want to see an amazing, calm birth, look for daisys birth on vimeo, its about 6ish months ago, and it is truly amazing.

Thanks, stuff. I am clearly still too comfortable . That video is amazing! I am going to try the hypnobirth CDs again...

Loving that video of Daisy's birth!