handholding please. Just dreading it. All of it :-(

[madmomma]

I'm due with my 3rd on xmas eve and I'm really not looking forward to it at all. Feel totally confused about how to handle all the choices. My previous 2 pregnancies went 17 and 14 days overdue (14 days being the induction, 17 days being natural). I'm really awful at dealing with pain, and they were both long, hideous back labours with posterior babies. 2nd ended in forceps because I was too exhausted to push him out :( This baby is also back to back, and I am convinced I will go to 42wks+ again. I hated the prostin induction I had last time, and I'm scared of another forceps delivery being necessary due to exhaustion from the pain (or drugs, who knows?) I have no idea whether to have another induction, or to refuse and hang on. I am on my knees with this pregnancy - can barely walk with SPD and am having to heave around a large 1yr old all day every day. My mental health is shit, despite staying on antidepressants, and I just feel so confused about everything. I now have a poss UTI too (protein in urine today). I have the option of mw unit or consultant led delivery ward & I've no idea which to go for. The midwife who saw me today told me I'm 'rubbish at having babies' - which she meant well, but it hit a nerve really. I know I need to shake myself and get into a more positive mindset, but I just can't seem to. I see other Mums being so gung-ho about the pain, but I just panic. It felt genuinely unbearable last time - worse than the first time. My contractions with both babies came 2 minutes apart right from the latent phase, and there was just no time to get myself together inbetween them. I'm rambling now - sorry. Just feel I've lost the plot a bit. Help? Advice? Thanks for reading that drivel.x

I feel for you, I really do, my two births have left me scared shitless of having a 3rd so I know where you're coming from. Totally unnecessary of your midwife to make such a crass joke - is she aware of your birthing history? If I were you I would kick up a bit of a fuss, make a (nice) midwife go through your notes with you, discuss options, and have a clear birthplan written out with all your wishes AND concerns on it so any midwife changeovers can get straight up to date. Do you have a dh or dp who will be there with you and can support/fight your corner if you feel things are getting out of control?

Hi you sound a little like I feel.

I am 4 days over and have just posted and took me soo long to get to the point not even sure if there was one. Midwife led unit on cards for me too like its the holy grail of birthing.

However I am strongly leaning towards the induction at earliest possible opportunity as I feel my own state of mind is declining not only my body.

All I can say is I get where you are coming from, poor you and how dare the MW say that to you. Pregnant women are vulnerable don't they realise.

okay - I completely understand your wobbles. I am having the same: DC3 + SPD + exhaustion beyond words. I have spent many hours sobbing on my midwife as to how on earth I am going to birth a baby and then return home to look after two others (aged 3 & 18 months!).

Only you can decide what you want and you need to be realistic. For me, I have concluded two options:

1. Induction at 40 weeks. Epidural in at the beginning and then wait...last two children born by vontuse so I suspect it will happen again. I know I will heal, I know it isn't pleasent but getting the baby out and avoiding 2 additional weeks of pregnancy are important to me, especially with SPD. However, my last birth has left me with terrible hip issues and I am very keen to avoid making the issues worse. I was immobile on and off for 6 months post DS2 and I can't take that risk again, so, option 2:

2. Elective C-section. It is major surgery but 6 weeks recovery v. 6 months recovery is appealing!

I strongly recommend ringing your hospital and book to see the consultant at next available consultant clinic (my independent midwife told me to do this and they gave me an appointment there and then). Make sure they know you want to see the consultant and not a registrar. Go and talk through your concerns and get a plan NOW. In my experience, hospital midwives are pretty non-commital. You need to see a consultant.

Take a deep breath.

Big hugs

Oh a consultant chocolate really? I think I'd feel like I was wasting his time. Saw him once to investigate a (now resolved) unstable lie, and he was lovely but I was ushered in and out by him in 5 minutes flat. There was smoke coming off his pen as he signed me off!
Thanks jingle I totally agree a birth plan is the way forward, but the problem is I don't know what to put on it. I want an epidural from the word go, but I know that's not a good idea with regards increasing the likelihood of forceps. Then I think, well maybe I should try and just have gas and air, and then I won't be as tired from the diamorphine - so less risk of forceps but more pain. Than I think well maybe a pool is the way forward... and so it goes on...
mermummy I totally understand what you're saying, and I'm fairly sure they'd sweep me from 39wks and induce me at 40 given the SPD. But then I think well what if the baby needs those extra 2 weeks, and what if the induction fails cos she's not ready?

I've got to be honest, it sounds like your previous births were both physically and emotionally too much. If it were me and I'd been through everything you'd been through, plus if I had the added problem with SPD and a history of going overdue, I would 100% be going for ELCS. But that's just my opinion.

Is a c-section an option for you?

Hadn't even thought of a section. They won't want to give me one, I'm sure, but I guess if I thought it was what I wanted I could push for one. There was talk of it when the baby was transverse, but she's head down and engaged now, so they're saying def vaginal delivery. I guess I don't know what the recovery would be like - I've heard good and bad tales of recovery & it's a total unknown to me.

Having had a third degree tear with DD, and looong recovery- i agree with the 6 months, I am pg with twins. Terrified of the birth. I started posting on the twins thread here, and 2 of the mums who've just had their EMCS (as went into labour before her ELCS for placenta previa and again EMCS for labour before ELCS) said the recovery was much, much faster than with their other births. One has a 2y 5m old DS and said she was picking him up again within a week or so, maybe ill advised but she felt fine, and was having to force herself to take it easy after her CS!!! She had been dead set on a VB, but the complete placenta previa ruled it out.

So I am thinking of an ELCS myself- twins, plus third degree tear, plus (gulp) vulval varices...

I had an epidural but asked for the lowest dose- it killed the pain, was uncomfortable, but I could still walk (bit wobbly!) and pushing was fine. I think it would help with the exhaustion as I could relax a bit with it in when it worked I was desperate to avoid diamorphine/pethidine and for me, after a long, long induction with syntocinon an epidural was the only way I could cope.

I think you are a very brave person for considering doing it all again with the SPD and hip problems from last time, and forceps.

If I were you, I would ask to see a consultant (maybe ask your mw who would be a good listener/they'd recommend). I requested a specific consultant- had the ushered in, ushered out by consultant at my 8 week check up due to my tear last time, and was not for seeing him again! I have a lovely consultant now who is very understanding (and I know through the grapevine she chose ELCS herself for no medical reasons, I know one of her neighbours). I think talk through all options and I'm certainly less against ELCS looking at some threads here and talking to friends who've had CS for various reasons (I was desperate, desperate to avoid CS first time!!)

Sorry, bit of a ramble and not much use...

But hand holding I can do

Madmomma - the consultant suggestion is if you want to get an elcs or early induction. If you are going round in circles then they are going to encourage a "wait and see" attitude and a natural birth. If you decide you are definite that you want an early induction or elcs then you are going to have to get a consultants permission! Again, if you choose to see the consultant, make sure you take someone to support you so that you are listened to and your wishes are taken seriously :)

If you do think you want the ELCS option I'd go in stating how traumatised you were from last births, how worried you are of the consequences of another being the same (recovery both physically and mentally), and stating how long it took to recover from your forceps slight exaggeration if needed. I know i'm having twins so it's a bit different, but there was no talk of it not being an option for me. I think the recovery isn't a walk in the park, but I too am not one who pops out a baby and skips off. And I was super fit for a pg person last time- walking 5 miles a dday and swimming a mile twice a week. Convinced if I was fit, I'd breeze through labour- it was my way of coping with fear of childbirth. Didn't help me!!!

I had a section. My waters broke and I did not go into labour, I was induced but still refused to dilate fast enough so in the end I had a section.
It was uncomfortable (DD was massive) but not painful (I had found the contractions incredibly painful - my threshold must be low) and recovery was ok. I do recall being a bit nervous about laughing and held my belly - just in case! Sitting up and moving about to feed the baby was really hard for the first few days though, so you really do need someone around to help. Lifting the baby was no trouble though. I suspect I was back doing housework within a few days...(light lifting only)
The hospital I went to took pain management seriously and gave me lots of tablets both during my stay and to take home, which was very helpful.
I was out and about within a few days and I think I had missed the advice about not driving for 6 weeks! I think I drove into work to show off my new baby after about 2 weeks.
I had a very medical delivery, but not a bad experience.

Sorry - one more thing - my point was, don't go via midwife to see consultant. Just ring up the hospital and book it (consultant clinic). My IM said there will be a few junior doctors also at the clinic so make sure you insist on seeing the Big Cheese when booking and when you get there on the day. Good luck

And good post by chocolate- I am going round in circles too about whether to try VB. I think if you can write them all down, pros and cons and decide what you want, then you can relax and stop thinking about it. I'm very early- only 21+5, but hoping to make a decision at 28 weeks ish, and already I'm clearer in what I don't want (for me, one VB, one CS, second twin in distress/hypoxic brain injury to twin 2 if placenta comes away when twin one being delivered, another big tear, assisted breech delivery which they allow for twin 2) and a registrar and womens health physio both strongly hinted CS is best for me. So I owuld write down clear lists of each option for yourself- wait and see, early induction, ELCS and see if you can make a decision you're happy with. Then go for it!!

I have no regrets about having a section. The MW who came to see us at home after DD was born had a look at her - she was a big baby, nearly 10 lbs and the MW commented it was probably a good thing for us both that she had been born that way. Pointy shoulders!!

Loads of food for thought here ladies, and I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply

Do you think I'd get a section if I asked for one? Without medical reason?

I don't know about a section but I do know that my best labours have been inductions with epidurals in from the word go. You don't get exhausted from the pain and fingers crossed if it is your third your body will have an idea of what it's doing so less risk of intervention. Good luck!

madmomma you have a LOT of medical reasons to have an ELCS! Both your previous labours were incredibly traumatic, followed by really difficult recoveries, and your current pregnancy is already very difficult because of the SPD.

I can't imagine anyone saying no to an ELCS if you asked for one.

Just read this and really sorry you are feeling so bad. I don't know much about practical solutions but wanted to add another hand to hold, or squeeze, or whatever you need.

i hope it goes better for you this time xxx

Sorry to hear you're so worried. I'm nervous about labour already at 24 weeks and had a relatively straight forward back to back birth with DD. Just wanted to say I can whole heartedly recommend a water birth for those suffering with SPD. I was initially cynical about its effectiveness but when I was actually in labour I found it massively helped with the pain (was infinitely superior to gas and air) so much so I refused to get out!

I am booked in for an ELCS next week, (3rd birth) and I had no medical reasons for it, just that a previous birth had left me traumatised. I did a lot of reading up beforehand so I knew the risks etc. Had v understanding midwives who backed me 100% as they said that there was more chance of intervention/EMCS as I was so anxious. Might we worth discussion with midwife/consultant. Good luck whatever you decide!

Oh and I completely understand how bad contractions are when there is hardly any break! I describe my last birth as being where my head had absolutely no chance to catch up with what was happening to my body, throughout it all. I decided I could never face going through that again.

Thanks so much everyone. You're so kind.x

Had a terrible night - really lost the plot - cutting my arms (which I've never done before) and running away (from ?)at 2am in my nightie having a panic attack.)

Am under a psychiatrist for depression, so I got in to see him today and asked him to recommend to obstetrics that I have the baby delivered asap. For her safety as much as mine. At least when she's out other people will be able to keep her safe when I clearly can't :-(

He's told my husband to stay off work now, and offered me a bed in the psychiatric wing if I don't feel safe at any point. With regards section v induction he says he can't advise on obstetrics but that he thinks I should be able to get whichever I feel most comfortable with - hopefully within a week.

Afterwards he's asked that I be kept in hospital for a few days and not be sent home until I've had a psychiatric evaluation. He fully anticipates that I'll recover quite quickly once I'm back on my normal medication.

So when I see the consultant I'll be asking for a ELCS.

Sending you a massive hug and to say you're not alone! I am due with DC3 Jan 16, and currently have a 3 year old and 20 month old, so i can totally empathise with how tired/depressed you are feeling. I have so many rubbish days, then I feel guilty for being such a rubbish mum! It's so hard, but you're doing a fantastic job. I have been in agony, so much so I've had to rely on everyone around me to do simple things, like picking my eldest up from nursery etc. I feel awful asking for help, but if it's available to you, then do it. We also just moved 2 hours away from our home, so have been completely depressed missing friends and my family are now 2.5 hours drive away! (big sob as I am so close to my mum).

I have been sh*tting myself about the birth, completely terrified, and was thinking of an elcs. Someone lent me a book on hypnobirthing (I am soo not into that type of thing), and i am AMAZED at how much it has calmed me down. I am actually now wanting a home birth, it has completely changed the way I think about it all. Both my DD's were late, (not as late as yours! max 12 days), largest was 9lb 4oz and she was so fast, I didnt have time to breathe between contractions.) If you can get hold of that book, I'd really recommend it. It just explains what happens to your body in labour, and encourages you to look at it from a different perspective.

Not long to go, then you can concentrate on your happy little family, and will hopefully feel a lot better xx

madmomma, I think you've been very proactive, getting in to see your pyschiatrist (sp, sorry) and I think elcs is a good choice for you. I hope it goes really well, you'll be meeting your little girl very soon! Good luck! Will you come back and let us know how it went?

Bless you Madmomma you sound like you're going through the ringer at the moment. You poor thing...

I'm so pleased that you have had some help, and that you are going to get what you need to stop ever having to go through what you went through last night.

Come back and update us when you have your DD!