Pregnant friend asking (childless) me for the best that MN has to offer WRT childbirth?

[RoseC]

I have a close friend who is giving birth early next year. She's not from the UK so I did give her the MN link but having read MN extensively didn't say anything else apart from (obviously) asking her how things were going - basically no ramming of advice down her throat because a) every baby is different and b) what do I know

However we were having a chat last night (as a group) and she was asked how things were going. She says she doesn't have time/patience to read anything and is panicking that she doesn't know enough. She knows that I'm addicted on here quite a bit and asked me to send her any really good bits of information that she needs to know (I did not ask her if she wanted me to do this - she asked). I really want to avoid the throat-ramming thing so I was wondering what the top five things were that you think she needs to read/know about please?

I know she is terrified of giving birth (the pain/things that can go wrong - she's had two friends with very bad birth experiences, including blue lighting to hospital) and wants maximum pain relief. She's so scared she says she doesn't want to read anything else about it until the birth - however I've seen the great birth stories thread. Would that be helpful?

She also said she hasn't done any exercises (when she asked me last night what MN said I mentioned the pelvic floor exercises as it comes up a lot) and that she is dreading antenatal classes as she & her DH think it'll be a bit woo (breathing exercises) and embarrassing in front of strangers.

She definitely wants the hospital bag link, which I have found. She said anything else I saw that could be useful I should pass on as she finds it hard to sit down and research for long periods - she gets bored. I'm sure her midwife will tell her a lot but what does she need to know that they might not pass on please?

Sorry this is quite long, I'd be very grateful for any replies :)

Be as clued-up and informed as possible in regard to what to expect during labour and what will be happening to her body, it may sound scary to her at first but it can help make you feel more in control and not panic. I'd recommend she goes to ante-natal classes because of the wealth of info and advice she can gain there, not just about labour but about looking after a newborn as well (there were no breathing exercises in my NHS one, a couple of embarrassing group games though!). It will allow her to come up with a birth plan and be able to make informed decisions about the kind of birth, pain relief etc she will want. But tell her not to have too many expectations as ultimately the baby will decide what sort of birth she will have.
Best piece of advice I can give is that she shouldn't worry too much about the birth, however you get through is fine aslong as you have your healthy baby at the end and it really is just a day or so out of your life....truthfully it is what comes afterwards that is the hard part!

Thank you :) As someone who is not currently trying to have children I've actually found some of the childbirth threads, when they come up in 'active', really interesting and informative although I can see why she finds it scary (certainly some stories are!) and I guess everyone reacts differently. Will tell her about the antenatal classes, thanks.

I did tell her the MN 'this too shall pass' thing and she found it helpful!

If its NHS ante-natal classes it will be very practical and down to earth - if its NCT classes will depend on the teacher

Could her DH do some reading as actually its very helpful if the birth partner knows something - as certainly when I was in labour I forgot loads of things

and tbh I wouldn't worry too much about pelvic floor exercises pre-birth -v good idea afterwards through - a good level of fitness is helpful - I liked swimming and also I really enjoyed aqua natal classes -aqua aberobics but for preganat people - where you get to meet people due about the same time as your

NHS classes don't have breathing and stuff any more - very practical advice, too.

Tell her to hang on on the pregnancy section and this section.
there is a lovely thread about positive birth experience at the moment, so tell her to look there.

and get her to go onto _chat just to "make some friends", and get familiar with some posters.

Thank you! I will tell her about the antenatal classes (they are NHS) as both of us there last night don't have children so we couldn't be of much help, other than what I've read here.

I'll send her the pregnancy section, the hospital bag link, the positive birth thread and make a recommendation for _chat although she's not really the sort who likes to spend time on the Internet unlike me so I'm not sure she'd join but it's worth a suggestion :) She does have a very strong extended friendship group but I don't think that any of them are currently pregnant. From what I know (different friendship group) there are some with toddlers/older children and some childless but none in her position atm, which must make a difference.

The breathing "woo" was THE thing that kept me going through my 48 hour labour (with gas & air at the end) so I would advise her not to dismiss that and do as much relaxation practice as possible between now and her due date.... The contractions were totally manageable when I was breathing properly and were so much worse when I wasn't relaxing. That's the number one piece of advice I'd give to anyone about to give birth in fact...

that's good advice.
The midwife at our antenatal classes suggested that the best thing to do was practise on pooing - ie, instead of forcing the poo out with grunts and tightening your muscles, to loosen up and breathe out the poo.
It made me think of something I learned in singing - that if you're cold, the worst thing you can do is tense your muscles, because that stops the blood flow - the best thign you can do is breathe deeply and relax your muscles.