Traumatic first birth, wonderful second birth

[GetDownYouWillFall]

Didn't think this could be possible for me, but it is! I have experienced two completely different births!

Awful time with DD 4 years ago. Probably the worst experience of my life. Terrible pain, every drug going including epidural, awful tear, haemorrage, incontinence, feeding difficulties, 9 day hospital stay, and to top it all off, severe PND and hospitalisation in a mother and baby unit for nearly 3 months.

Thought we would never have another it was all so bad. When I did get pregnant again we wanted an ELCS but were refused by the consultant.

So I went all out for a natural birth. Did a hypnobirthing course, practised breathing and relaxation every day from about 30 weeks. Had an amazing, quick, uncomplicated water birth, with no pain relief! Brought my precious DS out of the water myself, held him for ages, breast fed, home within 24hrs. He is now 10 weeks and no PND!

I believe that the things that made the most difference for me second time round were:

• breathing techniques
• staying relaxed
• getting the baby into best possible position
• perineal massage to prevent tearing
• avoiding morphine so baby was alert and able to feed straight away

Just want to encourage any of you feeling scared to go through it all again following an awful time first time round, it CAN be SO different!

Glad to hear it all went well, about to have no 3 hoping that all the work i've put in will help have done similar to you but didn't attend a hypnobirthing course which i regret but couldn't pin DH down have been doing the Maggie Howell cds though which i used the last time. I'm trying to stay relaxed but it's so hard.

So happy for you! I really think that we as a society need to be more alert to the link between a traumatic birth and PND.

I had a nasty/nice combination too. I would totally agree with the list you mad, except that I did tear (speeding bullet baby) - but it was nowhere near as bad.

youtalkintome - I did Maggie Howell too. TBH it wasn't much use to me during contractions, but that's because I am fairly sure that DD2 was back to back at that stage and I really had to go all 'cave woman yells' to deal with it. I would still totally rate it as it helped me relax quickly between contractions and conserve as much energy as possible.

so glad I read this.
Had such a traumatic first birth, brings tears to my eyes everytime I think about how awful it was (DS is 14 weeks). It really upsets me thinking about how if I had a more supportive midwife it could of been so much better.

It was all going well until I was 9cm, the the midwifes shift ended (had been great until then, considering it was an induced birth) and the new one basically told me to start pushing and left the room. She increased my sytocin too quickly, made my heart rate go crazy and I can't even remember the next three hours of agony (DS was on a nerve in my back) until I was given a spinalblock in preperation for a cesarean, but ended up with forceps instead.

Me and DP always wanted a big family but even he said he looks at pregnant women and feels scared for them, having been by my side for the entire time I was there. I don''t think i could ever give birth again, so it is so good to hear stories like this! Thank you!

JAMW - So sorry to hear that you feel that way and that you had such an awful time. It sounds like you suffered very poor care.

If it makes you feel better, you could consider putting in a complaint? I can understand why you may not feel up to it, but I did after some appalling care on a miscarriage. The response was all very 'arse cover, arse cover' but they did admit that the sonographer was being given further training and a couple of other points. It did help me to move on.

Also, if and when you come to have a second, there are so many ways you can prepare for things to be better. I did a lot of work with my doula on getting over the first birth (I appreciate that that isn't an option for everyone due to cost, but a trainee will generally be far cheaper if you are keen and cost is prohibitive) and at the other end of the spectrum the recent NICE guidelines are making it clear that maternal mental health should be a valid reason for elective section.

It would be so sad if one awful HCP meant that you and your partner could not have the size of family you always wanted .

ps. I was still close to tears about my first labour after three months. It is all still very raw. Time is also a great healer for a lot of people.

JAMW I would second a complaint and i would also tell you that the most healing thing for me with regards to my first labour was my second labour so please don't be frightened of more babies and i would also say time is a great healer, it took me 18months to forget all about it and get broody again, it's very early days for you.

second my baby no 2 was back to back so i know what you mean although don't have much to compare it to, this baby is back to back but i'm going to try putting in some hours over the next few days to see if i can get it to turn, so far its very uncooperative, my yoga teacher reckons that perhaps its just the best way out for my babies, i hope not.

congratulations and thanks for posting!

Oops thread killer!

Congratulations, GetDown!

I also had a very bad first birth experience (4 day labour, emergency section, blood transfusion etc) - but a wonderful second birth. I didnt get the VBAC I had planned, but I had a planned section where I watched my baby being born - was so serene and wonderful and pain-free! Would do it again tomorrow!

Great post, getdown .

JAMW I was in a very similar situation and I still cry whenever I have to talk about it. DS is 2 1/2 and I'm bracing myself for a second labour. Only 16 weeks at the moment so a way to go yet.

I really want to get hold of a hypnobirthing CD or something to help me stay emotionally in control - I panicked when pain relief was refused during transistion and as no support or review followed that (but a number of problems did) I never regained control and spiralled. There's so much around that I have a basket full on Amazon and never get around to deciding which to get.

I'll also do some research on perineal massage, although it freaks me out a bit!

Were there any breathing or relaxation techniques in particular that you practised, getdown ?

I am so pleased to have read this post. My first baby was born three years ago and it was hell during and also after. This was partly to do with bad care but also to do with medical factors that I had no control over. We would not have had the guts to do it again but fell pregnant which was really scary. Both us, our midwife and consultants thought we could have similar experience as with v.bad spd, diabetics and a previous huge baby things would probably been similar. However it has not been. I was encouraged to be induced again ( my worse fear ) and am booked in for this Friday ( 38 weeks). Last week I had my last appointment and the following things happened:

Baby is average! 7lbs as a ruff size not the 10lbs of my last
Baby is in perfect position and fully engaged
I was 2 cms dilated so I had a sweep and was booked in for another one this morning

So weekend was good quite a few contractions but all ok. Went for sweep this morning and am well over 4 cms dilated. Can not believe it may actually go into labour on my own. I feel so very different - still scared as there is always a chance it could go wrong.

Thank you for your post.

thanks for all the lovely replies I don't get a lot of time to post anymore but it's always nice to catch up with MN from time to time!

Those of you about to go through a second birth having had a bad time first time round, I really feel for you, I was scared too but just want to encourage you that it CAN be a completely different experience. No two births are the same obviously, and those things that weren't great first time round will not inevitably happen again.

JAMW so sorry to hear about your terrible experience first time round I do believe the pain and trauma fades over time, so don't rule out more babies just yet Just concentrate on your baby and enjoy them as this time goes so quickly. My first baby is at school now I am really glad I plucked up the courage to go for it again, it has been such a healing experience.

blueskydrinking - I;m with you re. the perineal massage, it was horrible and I hated doing it TBH, but it IS worth it!! Re. the CDs I found the Natal Hypnotherapy ones really helpful. I also did the hypnobirthing course and listened to the rainbow relaxation CD most nights too. The breathing techniques were really useful during labour. Really long, slow inward breaths during contractions, imagine you are filling a huge balloon. It aids your contractions and makes them shorter and more effective at opening the cervix. Also helps get lots of oxygen to baby and keeps you calm too

fikn you are so close now!! Really hope it goes well for you this time xx

Aww just spotted this. Lovely thread. I'm so pleased for you.

I had a terrible time first time round, lots of intervention, emcs in the end. PND, PTSD, 4 years of flashbacks and nightmares.

2nd time round I did all the same things as you, visualisation, trying to get the baby into a good position, hypnobirthing etc. EXACTLY the same problem, repeat emcs but but but it was a wonderful, positive experience because through lots of counselling and soul searching I knew 2nd time round that I had no control over any of it and what I could try and manage was my expectations and feelings about whatever birth I was given. And I went into theatre laughing and came out laughing. 14 weeks in, I still think about his birth and grin.

SoH you make such a good point. In some ways it's not so much about what actually happens, but our attitude and response to it. Being as prepared as we possibly can, staying relaxed, getting baby into good position etc is what we can do but you're right that we can only control things to a certain extent. And if things get tricky medically we are very fortunate to be in a country where we can have c sections in clean environments by skilled drs and go home and make a good recovery. A positive attitude is so important. Holding your baby in your arms at the end of it all and smiling with gratitude whatever happened is so wonderful.

Our DSs must be about the same age

DS was born on the 3rd. I said all the way through I was hanging on for Sept, dd being a young 4 and in reception and hoping not to have a very young 4yo ds in the same position. Waters broke on the 1st!

He's currently rolling round the room and laughing. I kept saying for weeks after his birth that I felt normal, it was such a shock. I associated early motherhood with a feeling a lot like slowly suffocating. I laugh, I smile, I have a memory of who I am and what I'm doing. Amazing.

Mine was the 14th. I completely agree, I feel so so different this time round. Being able to actually enjoy these early months is something of a revelation to me! The whole of the first year with DD was just so awful. Makes me sad to think what we missed out on with her, but so glad to have tried again and experience what it can and should be like.

Get down- thank you for starting this thread. I'm 14w pregnant and had a v v tough time with ds1's labour and postnatally had major episiotomy problems. These stories are just what I need to hear right now.

I have similar stories, traumatic first birth resulting in PTSD and PND, which included DD1 being hospitalised with an infection she caught on the postnatal ward.

Had DDs 2 and (11 days ago) 3 at home, both were wonderful relaxed births with no complications, feeding them both has been lots easier and no repeat of the PND.