Birthing partner (my mum) getting cold feet at last minute!

[SmB12345]

Baby #2 was due last week. I asked my mum to be my birth partner. Husband was there for DD1 but I wanted my mum to be there for Baby #2... Thought she would make me feel confident and reassured. I was also extremely distressed for DD1's labour due to stupid financial decisions of husband twelve hours before the birth and didn't want all those memories flooding back during this labour.

After visiting the midwife with me yesterday for a membrane sweep my mum has now said that perhaps she shouldn't be at the birth as seeing me on a hospital bed made her queasy and she doesnt think she'll be able to cope at the birth. I've reassured her but she keeps making comments that shes not the best person for the job.

I think she feels my husband should be there and that she's taking away his right to be there so 'engineering' the truth a bit to make sure he's there. Only one of them can be there as one of them needs to look after #DD1.

Feeling sad and can't see any solution as I'm on borrowed time. Help! Should I just go to the hospital without a birthing partner and have it by myself?

Why can't she look after DD1 and your DH be with you?

If your mum's stressed at your birth she'll be a hindrance rather than a help to you. Maybe DH will be a better help to you this time? Or is a doula an option?

PinkFondantFancy It might be too late for a doula, I've hired a post natal one now, for a February birth, you need to contact them some time in advance.
SmB12345 maybe your mum is a bit weary of seeing you in pain. Just before my sister had her baby, my mum was unsure if she should go to the birth, but, she "manned up" and went. Who knows maybe she'll change her mind

FWIW and I can understand why your upset. she would be doing you a massive disservice to come with you and then bottle it on the job so to speak. I'm not sure i could handle seeing my dd go through labour mainly because i never want to see her in pain and not be able to make it better. Have you got a female friend who could step in?

I love caring for women who come in on their own. Makes for a really satisfying experience.

I'm sure you have a friend who would be a good support, or you could ask one of the helpers at your children's centre. They sometimes come in and support younger mums who don't have family support.

Sigh. Thanks for all the advice. I hope I would be able to support my dd if she was in pain. Am thinking of taking Husband and mother both now as booked in for an induction this Thursday when DD is in nursery. Still annoyed with her but have decided not to let it get to me - And my baby! Thank goodness I won't be passing this kind of behaviour on (being inconsistent and unreliable)

Ps Spatone are you a midwife?

my birth partner (a friend) turned out to be a hindrance rather than a help and my mum who was upstairs supposedly taking care of my dd1 (but not, as I had to go up there while in labour to get her to bed) was awful. in retrospect, I'd rather have been on my own than had people around me who were tense and didn't want to be there!