Sex 3 months after childbirth still painful

[ArlingtonStringham]

Just hoping for reassurance really..,I had my first baby 11 weeks ago today vaginally, it was a great birth no actual tearing but I had some stitches on the 'grazes' on both my labia. Sex at first was pretty impossible even after my stitches had completely healed, the area where I had them felt really sore and I just couldn't get anything in there as the entrance stretching hurt me, like it was all too tight. It's still a bit tight and painful now though I can now really slowly have actual penetrative sex for a few minutes which is an improvement at least, I always have to stop though.

Will I ever go back to normal? Should scars hurt when stretched? I feel like a freak :( it's definitely a physical thing, not psychological, I really want to have sex but it just hurts too much.

You WILL go back to normal, you will heal, and you will have a normal sex life. I had a graze after first DC and quite bad tearing after second. Sex was uncomfortable for a good while, but it does get better. Also, I found that half the problem was tensing up, expecting it to hurt etc.

Try to get your husband/partner to take it really slow. Try to really rediscover your body/sexuality in a non penetrative way at first, and then when you do have penetrative sex, ask him to be very slow and gentle. There is a massive psychological, as well as physical impact to childbirth, and you can lose sight of yourself as a sexual being, especially as the mother of a very young baby.

Try to relax and don't worry too much - if you need medical reassurance then seek it out, but to me it all sounds very normal. Hope this helps :)

Sorry if TMI, but until very recently (ds now 8months) me an dh had to use lube every time. It didn't matter how aroused I was, it just seemed like it wasn't making me wet enough and like you it all felt too tight. It had been gradually improving, and a week or so ago we tried without lube and it was fine. I think it was hormonal as much as anything! I had an episiotomy and stitches by the way.

Thank you - I feel reassured! Will take it slow and remember its all normal.