My tear ought not be re-opening every time... (TMI to follow)

[bebemoojem]

every time I have a slightly tougher time 'in the toilet' especially 12weeks after the birth?

basically I had a perineum tear that stopped just shy of my anus. It was a 2nd degree tear and didn't get stitched up initially because of a quick birth at home and a bit of a flub up by the mw who came after the birth who was on her 4th emergency home birth and over 24hrs of work. (yeah I know) so I got stitched up over 12hrs after the fact and the situation was not ideal for the doctor that stitched me up for sure.

I've been back in a couple of times to the GP about it:
first they gave me some stool softeners so the area wasn't stretched and reopened. However they made things worse because even tho they were supposedly only softeners I was going every 8 hours -which was HELL.
So they said don't bother with those as your diet must be good enough already. Then I went back again because I was really in so much pain that I needed something... and I was given some numbing gels which numbed area but didn't help 'closing' up as far as I could tell.
So then I went back again and they gave me some steroid cream to help close it up... went back again and they said stop using it now it's closed...but it's open again. Despite my diet basically not changing much (but being high in fiber and having lots of fluids) I have occasional slow digestion (I think it's hormonal) and whenever I do it stretches and tears again down there.
(yes that makes 4 times)

I'm very disheartened. DH and I have not been able to 'enjoy each other's company' for nearly 4 months now (which is killing both of us). It's not helping with the stress levels in the house...

I've got yet another appointment again next week at some clinic which I'm going to have to bring my girls to because I cannot find anyone to watch dd1... not looking forward to it. I'm going to be tough with them. But does anyone have an additional suggestions for me?

Poor you can only send my sympathies.....
I have had bad tears after both my births which were bloody painful but have healed Ok..
I think you have to go back and ask to be referred to someone; something isn't right if it has not healed, you may need it to be re-stitched etc.
Just keep kicking up a fuss until you get someone to take the matter seriously, I wish you good luck, hopefully someone else on here can help a bit more!

oh my goodness, that sounds like pure hell

I agree you should go to this clinic (what kind of clinic btw ?) and insist that something is done

there are surgical options to repair a non-healing perineal tear, but those would be last resort

you need to insist on referral to a gynaecologist with lots of experience in this area

I really hope you get sorted x

You have my sympathy. It's definitely not normal and sounds like it hasn't healed properly. I had a v similar problem with my episiotomy, 6 months pp I was still not able to sleep with dh, and also hadn't been able to ride my horse. I had a refashioning (freshen up edges and restitch) hey presto I was riding the horse a couple of weeks later as good as new. Dd was conceived shortly after so it def. Did the trick.

There was a thread in chat about this earlier. Lots of good advice.

But " DH and I" not enjoying each other's company for nearly four months. After a birth. Which is killing you.

Are you quite, quite sure? My DH would be happy with a nice BJ if it really was that important or even ten minutes alone in the bathroom.

Sorry to hear about your woes down there OP, I had a whopping 3c tear and a completely botched stitch job afterward. I was referred to a gyno and plastic surgeon after my 6 week check up. DP and I still haven't done the deed - DS was born 9 months ago.

I feel for you but things WILL get better with the right treatment and care. Get referred to a gyno asap. It's a shame how underestimated the effect of tears can be, both physically and mentally, it's awful. Take care.

I had to be re-stitched with a general anaesthetic when DS1 was 6 months old. No problems after that (and 2 more DC). Please ask to be referred. My GP waited to long. I had lots of antibiotics too, because I kept getting infections.

What WinterIsComing said. About the sex, I mean.

Winter - but a "nice blow job" or a quick one off the wrist for her husband doesn't help her sexual needs or desire for intimacy, does it?

I had a similar thing happen to me, but it was an episisotomy cut very close to the anus. The wound broke down and I ended up with an anal fissure, which is a small tear in the anus. I had all the stool softeners etc but I felt like I was shitting razor blades, I would be screaming in agony. After a year being like this, had a small day case op, and it was fine ever since.
This may be the same as you, are you sure its actually your tear, as the scarring may cause a tear somewhere else, as what happened to me?

Hi. We've moved this to 'Childbirth', as we think that's the best place for it.

Winter..obviously other things can/do happen, but the lack of intimacy/ and my own lusts not being met, as MrsSchaden has mentioned, are the issues when it comes to sex. We both enjoy each others company (thus the partnership) and not being able to share everything with each other makes us both feel more lonely.

The clinic is (I believe) a speciality tear one; I got referred to it after the first GP visit and has only now just come thru... I had actually forgotten that I had been referred to it because it's been so long.

Singa- it sounds very familiar your experience... I will need to discuss it with the doctor at the clinic as a possibility. Thanks for the additional idea.

Rogersmelly- I've a similar problem to not getting on the horse... I've not been able to get on my bike and I was hoping to be able to get some exercise in (without the kids, out in the forest with just me and the trees) to get myself back in shape/ mentally sound. I was so banking on it by this time that I feel really disappointed that I've not been able to go.

thanks for the support everyone