Two forceps deliveries- feel like a failure

[banana87]

Just had DD2. I was induced because we knew she was big and also due to spd. Ended up having a very long first stage and very short second stage labour. Similar to DD1, I pushed for an hour with no progress. Consultant got forceps and guided her out (very very different to the first time which was way worse) resulting in episiotomy. I've been told that had I pushed harder I wouldn't have needed forceps, and therefore feel so much like a failure.

whoever told you that was talking utter bollocks, if that was the case you'd have just done it. if you needed forceps you needed that extra ooomph.

you are absolutely not a failure in any way.

That is sooo much shite.
I have had two ventouses, does that trump forceps, no idea??

Both got stuck, with DS1 I was pushing for at least 2 hours!

Anyone who says stuff like that is just stupid and not worth knowing, honestly. Are you a good Mom? Do you think you are better Mom than those Mom's who had to have a caesarian? Nah, course you don't!
Ignore. Just dicks with verbal dioarrhea.

who on earth said that? what a load of crap!

you are not a failure

Its possibly true of anyone who had a forceps delivery where no turning of the baby was required, that if they had pushed harder the forceps wouldnt have been needed.
That doesnt really address whether it would have been physically possible to push harder.
Im sure that if you could have pushed the baby out on your own you would have done, you didnt want a forceps delivery!

You are not a failure, though when people say things like its hard not to think it. The consultant who did my forceps delivery told me the following day that I would have "no excuses" next time. Background: had been in labour for 2 days, pushing for more than 2 hours, with a failed epidural. His words still ring in my ears.

Congrats on your DD and try to forget about it.

Grrrr, that's such an insensitive comment - have you thought about making a complaint?!

Don't feel let down, it's still considered a normal vaginal delivery. Having been induced would have increased the odds but a "guide" is very different to a "yank" and you can be pleased to have improved on last time.

I do know how you feel, and it's not nice. I hope you can focus on your lovely new baby and try to overcome such unnecessary comments.

Firstly you are definitely definitely NOT a failure. But.. Have you thought of it the other way? Did they support you, let you labour in the way you felt most comfortable, offer you food, suggest helpful positions / techniques, give your body / you the time, encouragement and environment to help you have the best labour for you?

I've had one ventouse and one forceps (having been prepped for an EMCS) I've got two gorgeous boys to show for it. I ate (mostly) the right things for over nine months each, didn't do anything (preg) dangerous and have done my best to be the best mum I can be to them for 8 and 5 years. I AM not a faliure and neither are you.

Tell whoever said you should have pushed harder, where they can stick the forceps, my dear!!

Thanks all

It was my consultant who said it but it wasn't meant the way I took it according to DH. He said if I didn't have the epidural that would of helped too but he said my pain relief was important so he wasn't saying not to have it next time. I remember saying in the delivery room at the time that I was disappointed before they started the forceps, so I think it's just me being hard on myself not just that comment.

Oh you poor thing. Who the hell told you that?

It sounds like a bit like the total witch charming midwife who told me that "some people have a lower pain threshold than others" with DD1. I wanted to scream 1. how do you fecking know I'm not in as much pain; and 2. if it's true, what the feck am I meant to do about that, eh?

People say stupid, stupid things which, if you take to heart, will send you mad. No doubt you've come across that as a second time mum .

It may be technically correct that you wouldn't have needed forceps if you'd pushed harder (assuming there was no turning involved) but it's about as useful as saying "if you'd run faster you'd have beaten Usain Bolt." The body can only do what it can do. Exhaustion, size, support, spd, all those things will affect what it can do on a give day.

It sounds like maybe what he was trying to say, very clumsily, is that it is harder to push effectively if you can't properly feel what you're doing? I would agree with that (having done both - forceps and upright water birth). But pain relief always has to be factored in, especially with spd.

You're already talking about next time, so it can't have been that bad .

Aw bless. When I had ds1 I had an epidural, and couldn't push hard enough due to exhaustion, epidural muting the contractions and long labour. They used the ventouse cup to suck the bugger out in the end.
They were telling me "come on you really have to PUSH!" before giving up and hoovering him to freedom.

If it helps, I didn't feel a failure at all. i was just glad they were on hand to assist.

Please don't let it get you down...you did not fail at all....it's just the way it goes. Enjoy your new daughter and congratulations!! xx

I had forceps with no1,was ok with 2 and 3,and youd think by no4,he would fall out..no it was forceps again,at the end of the day i got a healthy baby,and thats all any of us could wish for,i think whatever way they come out,as long as all is well how can you be a failure .congratulations by the way.