Horrible consultant appointment

[charlie7]

Not posted on here for a long time but I am on regularly checking out other people's stories etc. It's all helpful!
Anyway, I am having a hard time of it with my third pregnancy and wondered what others thought of my situation
I am 34 weeks with DC3, and am currently trying to request an ELCS. My previous births were VBs, the first one being reasonably ok and I had an epidural which was great. By the second one, we had moved and our nearest hospital did not and still doesn't do epidurals (it is a city hospital serving a large area) and the nearest one doing them is 1 hour 10 mins away.
Second birth was v traumatic for me, way too fast, intense, no pain relief that worked at all, plus back to back baby, i was completely out of control, I struggle still to talk about it even though it was 3 years ago. I literally wanted to die.

This time round I am getting more and more anxious about the birth. It is making me feel ill all the time, can't sleep, eat etc. After seeing two different midwives they both said I should see a consultant about the possibility of a ELCS due to the extreme anxiety I am suffering from and how it will be affecting baby etc.
So I have seen one. And she was awful. Didn't look at the extensive notes the mw had made about my mental state, was extremely surprised about my request and several times referred to my births as "nice easy births". What??!! This was after i had described in detail what happened. She kept saying natural is best and that I had a much greater chance of dying with cs!! I had done my research and knew the risks of cs, I knew she would have to explain the risks etc I just didn't expect her to force her own opinions onto me. She accused me of "just not liking childbirth" even though i told her there was absolutely no way I could go through what happened last time.
I always knew it would be a fight, but I didn't expect to be patronised and spoken to like that.
I feel so hurt and stupid and even more stressed now. My mw couldn't believe it either but obviously there is not much she can do.
Anyway I have now been referred for a second opinion and am dreading having to go through it all again.
I know it might seem extreme to some to want an ELCS but noone experienced my last birth except me and I have developed a real fear, and know I will just completely panic if I go into labour.
I guess I am just seeing if anyone else has had anything similar or can advise me. I know I probably won't get a cs as I have no real medical reason, but I would almost have preferred a straight no than to be treated like this.
Sorry for long post!
Thank you!

Also remember that you can plan an induction early in the same way as a CS, so could get to a rural hospital in plenty of time.

But I hope you get the CS you want, good luck.

charlie - what an awful experience, I'm sorry you got such a duff consultant who disregarded and disrespected you so much. I'm surprised no one so far has advised you to complain / 'raise concerns' about her with PALS: it certainly sounds like she needs a kick up the bum re her patient manner and bizarre attitude.

I'd understand if you waited til after delivery tho, always feels like a risky ting to do in case it somehow affects your delivery... which it shouldn't. If she spoke to you like this, you're probably not alone in feeling unhappy with her treatment. Doctors are all subject to annual appraisal even consultants, so concerns raised should result in the relevant areas to be addressed - anything from extra communication skills training to mentoring by a colleague. It's good the midwives are backing you up.

Good luck with the second opinion, I hope you get someone sensible and supportive this time!

Just an update, I have seen another consultant who was marginally better than the first one, but she has agreed to the section. I think it helped having my dh there and also that I written out all my reasons beforehand.
I am very relieved, but they can only fit me in the day before my due date which I suppose isn't ideal. Just have to hope the baby doesn't want to come early...

Fabulous. I am very pleased for you :)

Just spotted your update, this is good news. Glad you got it sorted!

Oh that's great! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this stress.

fwiw when I had various issues in my pregnancy, I found I was always treated better when my DH came along. Found it infuriating really.

And it's appalling that a large hospital just flat-out does not offer epidurals! How ridiculous!

Hope everything goes well good luck!

Dreamingbohmian trange that, when you have backup from DH you get better treatment...

... I find it VERY interesting that a certain London hospital banned men from attending scans, listing a range of reasons from men being abusive, women lying about conception dates when partner is present (how does the rest of the country cope?), to men asking too many questions...

It raised an eyebrow for me.

Oh that is interesting NICE.

I really didn't want to think I got better treatment with DH there, but it was really quite obvious.

It may not have been because he was my DH per se, just that there was another witness to how they acted? I don't know.

I would have been quite sad if DH couldn't have come to our first scans. I wonder how much of it really is because of some men being abusive vs just wanting to rush women through as quickly as possible.