Post partum sex life

[getagoldtoof]

i had a lovely homebirth 4 weeks ago, labour was fine, no stitches, just a sample graze now healed.

I am really keen to start having sex again as is DH. we tried a few days ago, and it hurt so much. We used lube, but it was really very painful.

I felt inside my vagina and was horrified to find my cervix hanging low, I can reach it about an inch or two inside, much much lower than before (I used to check when ttc). I asked DH to try again today, but it kills so much. He said he doesn't want to keep trying, he's finding it frustrating as we always had a very active sex life.

I feel so sad, my body has snapped back in to shape, so why is my vagina so weird? Not being able to make love is causing tension in my relationship that I wish wasn't there, and it makes me so sad. Has anyone had this? Is it normal?

4 weeks is no time at all. You may think that your body has 'snapped back into shape' but it doesn't work like that.

Your vagina isn't 'weird' - it's recovering after the difficult process of birthing a baby. Even a fine labour with no stitches is hard work for your body! Mention it to the doctor at your 6 week check and ask to be examined - if there is something not quite right it can be looked at properly, otherwise you'll know that everything is as it should be.

Give yourself more time, and you can still enjoy an active sex life without penetration until your body is ready. A lack of penetrative sex shouldn't be causing tension in your relationship so soon after giving birth.

Blimey, four weeks? Give yourself a chance! Plenty of non-penetrative fun can be had over the next few weeks. Perhaps someone with more medical knowledge can give you and indication of how long it takes for your uterus to fully contract etc?

My midwife advised me against having sex until after my six week check so maybe take that as a benchmark?

I had a good birth with no stitches first time around and first did it two weeks quite soon after the birth. Although I had had no trauma I found that it was very uncomfortable for about the first four months, not the actual act but anything that brought a blood flow to the area so even a kissing was uncomfy.

If you are keen to get on with it to find out if it is ok you might be starting before you are quite ready, as you get aroused your cervix naturally gets higher up (like when you are ovulating) so sex would be more comfortable if you were really ready for it.

I have gone on to have two more babies, both bigger and it was never as uncomfortable after having them. Give yourself a chance to get back to normal, and do lots of pelvic floor exercises.

You might find it helps to enjoy some too!

It's very normal! Ask your GP to check at your 6-week check in case you've had a prolapse.

I've had a prolapse, cervix/womb descended down like yours. Been to see a gynae and he said the whole area was red raw, and to expect sex to be painful . Luckily my DH is patient.

Unfortunately it can take up to 12 months for the muscles to tighten up again, apparently due to hormone levels. If not back to normal after that, surgery may be needed. Ask your GP if physio might help in the meantime.

Good luck, and come to the 'Ragged Bits' thread in Health if you need more help.