Hello,
So sorry you've been having this awful time. But don't despair - there is life after a 4th degree tear.
I had a 4th degree tear due to the hospital basically managing my birth really badly (it was a multiple flashing light situation!). Anyway, baby is fine but I ended up with this horrible tear, which I was very shocked about. I had never even considered that having a baby could result in this kind of injury.
I've been very lucky and am not incontinent (it is 14 months post-birth) but I definitely don't feel like I did before. My muscles still feel weaker than before but I've worked quite hard to make sure it doesn't cause me any more trouble than necessary.
Basically, I think it is down to:
- the stitching I received at the time, which many medical professionals have complimented me on (ugh!);
- doing post-natal pilates rigorously from 12 weeks on until 8 months with someone qualified in this area;
- seeing the hospital physio;
- keeping up exercises at home;
- having a lovely internal scan of the whole bum area with a stress test and seeing the consultant who had some more tips on life/exercises;
- I eat quite a healthy diet.
My friend also had a 4th degree tear and has suffered many of the same symptoms as you. She felt very upset (obviously) after her experience and refused to go back to see the hospital physio/do pilates/have any scans because she was just so traumatised by the whole experience.
Anyway, she also reports that when she eats badly and drinks loads, the incontinence is much, much worse (that's why I included the bit above about the diet). She has recently lost some weight through healthy eating and reports that it has improved things for her.
So....have you seen the hospital physio? Or tried post-natal pilates? Those would be the first things I would try, along with being as healthy as you can. Sorry if you have always done all those things and this is no help at all.