Am I being a princess?

[moosepup]

Hi all!

I'm 32 weeks with my first, and with the help of tons of research and an interest in hypnobirthing I have been pretty philosophical about the prospect of the birth. What I want is quite simple: a water birth with minimal intervention, minimal pain relief, as calm and intimate experience as possible. I appreciate that any number of things can happen which could result in a completely different experience, and that's fine too as long as I feel that those choices are necessary and informed, etc.

However, myself and the fella skipped off for the tour of the maternity facilities at our chosen hospital (Lincoln County) today and I have been left feeling suddenly nervous and quite negative about the prospect.
First I learned that a water birth is highly unlikely due to resources at the hospital, and we are unable to take our own pool. Then we learned that not all of the delivery rooms have a bath or shower, so luck dictates whether I would be able to use water at all during labour. Then I was informed that I would remain in the delivery room for an hour after the baby arrives, at which point I will be shuffled off down onto the ward. Oh, and if I give birth between 9pm and 9am my OH will have to go home because he will not be allowed onto the ward with me. I thought we could get around this by opting for a private room, but soon discovered that for our £60 a night he is still not able to stay with me and there are no private facilities (ie it's still shared loos etc).

Essentially I got the impression that they are happy to give you the kind of birth you want AS LONG AS that is a "fill me full of drugs and pull the baby out of me" kind of birth. Which is of course fine for alot of mums, but precisely the opposite of what I am aiming at.

I fully appreciate that the place is full of highly trained and probably wonderful staff, and that I am enormously lucky to have such incredible medical facilities available to me. But this does not stop me suddenly feeling hideously anxious and out of control about the birth.

I suppose I'm just asking if I'm being daft, really?!

Thanks in advance...

In the area I live in, the local hospital covers a few nice and a lot of rough areas, so the birth pools are relatively unpopular - so even before the big new maternity unit was built, there were 2 birth pools and according to my community midwife they had no record of any occasion when someone wanted one but couldn't have one. Once the new unit was built, they had a total of 6 pools and so even less chance of ending up disappointed. Pretty good really - but what a waste of time it was that I spent so long fretting about pool availability (must have brought it up at every midwife appointment) and then was too far along to use it anyway even if my birth hadn't ended up being a section! D'oh. Typical.

You don't always have to go to theoristaj in Your county. I'm in leic but have had friends go to nottinghan and peterborough which is all brand new. But st Mary's birth centre is amazing small but rarely full hence threats of closure in the past.

3 private ensuite rooms with pools although once you are ready you move to a small ward where you are waited on hand and foot no ask is too small I loved it there. Not sure how far from you it is would imagine an hour worth considering. If not home birth I live in a rural area but had one with dc2

I found I could have a bath in the early stages of labour even though there was no water in the delivery room: I just shuffled off down the corridor and had one in the nearest bathroom. They don't actually pin you to the bed the moment you book in.

Remaining in the delivery room for about an hour seemed about the right time to get me cleaned up and the baby sorted and let me have some skin to skin. And after that I was ready for bed- and sleep! And as I could not afford a private room I was very grateful that everybody else's dh was not hanging round the ward all night.

It didn't add up to a medicalised birth though: I was encouraged to walk around during labour, nobody pressurised me to take drugs, and I ended up doing the whole thing on gas and air.

hallo

nope, not a princess IMO

I'd strongly recommend, if not a home birth, getting a doula.

And a conversation with the head of midwifery about your concerns

It might be unwise to pin all your hopes on a water birth - but also understand that you can have an active, intervention-free birth without a pool. Even if a pool is free - even if it pretty much has your name on it - they can take half an hour to fill and you might miss the window/you might hate it/it might not be possible for some reason - work out your next to best case scenario. Staying at home as long as possible is a good plan too, and a doula can help with that.

I'd agree with Meryl. I'd love a water birth I think but sometimes all the pools are in use or women find they don't like them when they get it.

Meryl's suggestion of positions that aren't water dependent is sensible even if you go for homebirth where pool is guaranteed.

My lazy daisy yoga classes have really helped me to think about how to labour on dry land as it were without being on your back in stirrups.

Even though I am still going to ask for a pool room I won't be crushed if I can't have it as I have 'plan b' with my ball and various positions that are supposed to help.

I, like you, accept that what happens on the day happens and that sometimes things do not go to plan but that doesn't mean you shouldn't prepare and hope for a calm and positive experience so I don't think you are being a princess at all.

We have also been told DH will have to go home after an hour if it's night time but all my friend's and the trainee midwife who works at hospital but comes to NCT class assure me they say this in case they need the room. Trainee midwife says, at my hospital, if they can let you stay in delivery for longer during the night they will happily do so but can't commit to this on tours and in leaflets as there is always the risk that they are busy and that leaves someone else labouring in corridor.

I'm sure we'd all accept being moved if someone else needed the space. It's bloody mindedness and 'it's our policy regardless of circumstance' that annoys people.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Not a princess at all.

And none of this 'arm-twisting' and 'reluctant fella' talk about home birth please. I am firmly of the belief that when he gets to push a half-stone person out of his nether regions, then he has a say in where the birth takes place. Until that time, his job is to support you in your choice and to respect it, even if he doesn't necessarily agree with it.

Definitely not a princess, as long as you are being honest with yourself about understanding that when it comes to it, things may not go according to plan or that you may feel differently.

It makes me realise how lucky I am to be booked into such a good hospital. I had the choice of 2 - one was a bog standard delivery rooms and shared postnatal ward - although they are apparently about to open a MLU. It also has quite bad interventions stats.

The other (the one I am using and used for DD1) is only about 5 or 6 years old - the labour ward has two 'wings'. One is the consultant, high risk wing, the other is MLU. However, there are only two water pools so getting one is a little down to luck.

Depending on labour stage, when you arrive, you are monitored on a triage ward. When ready, you are moved to the an en-suite delivery room in the appropriate wing. Barring complications etc, you then stay in that room post delivery until discharge - there are no shared postnatal wards and you only have to used shared bathroom facilities if you want a bath rather than shower.

There are CD player and tea and coffee making facilities in the rooms as well and the G&A is piped rather than via canisters so never runs out. Oh and there are no visiting times for partners - they can come and go as they please.

When I had DD1 I did have to move rooms, but it was only because I went in on a really quiet night. They asked me if I minded staying in the consultant led wing because they only had about five ladies in and the others were all high risk and it was easier for us all to be in close proximity. I agreed because the rooms are identical anyway.

The next morning, about three hours after DD was born and after I had had a sleep and a shower they asked if I would mind being moved over the MLU as they were getting busy. They were very apologetic and I had no problems with moving. The only downside to the care was the lack of BF advice, but I've been told they are much more geared up for that now.

i also did hypno-pool-birth at home apart from the last two pushes which were in hospital. make sure you use the hypno techniques to keep calm about the birth beforehand as well.

i think being calm and clear about what youd like and partner being able to say that too would really help if youre in hosp. i found the mws in our hosp couldnt do enough for you, werent interested in pumping me full of drugs and were generally behind whats now being termed 'normal' birth

Also to inteject - I totally agree that it's primarily YOUR choice about the home birth idea,.but I think it's important that your birth partner is up for it.

In my experience I haven't been turfed out of the delivery room with any speed at all, just when we were all ready. Best to talk to someone there.

I don't think you're being a princess - I have had 3 wonderful home waterbirths and would recommend them to anyone, BUT I was lucky - when I had our 1st we lived 10 mins max from the hospital which was very reassuring.
What is your OH worried about in the homebirth scenario? Is it just the travelling time?

Just wanted to add I really liked being on a ward was a lovely and only ward in a small birth centre and I Was one of three mums but was fun chatting to each other during the day when our other halves werent there. There was also a really nice dining room as part of the ward set up like a bed and breakfast where we sat for meals very nice meals too :)

I don't think its unreasonable BUT in both the London borough I was in and the Dorset one I am now in this is completely normal!

There are only a few pools and no guarantee you will get one.
In my London hospital even in labour some toilets were shared between 2 rooms.
Postnatally - no husbands between 9 and 9. I found this the hardest. COmpletely understood why but hated it. This seems to be the norm in a lot of hospitals, HOWEVER if the birth goes well there may be no need to stay - you could just go home WITH your husband a couple of hours after the birth! I only stayed in as I ended up with a c section.

I'd be nervous of a hb if I lived too far from a hospital and would just plan around their limitations. It would be great if everyone had access to an ensuite hotel like birth centre but sadly that is rather unusual.