pain of childbirth

[bez]

I was wondering what is the most painful part of labour. Is it the abdominal pain from contractions or is it in the pain down below?

I know its meant to sting or burn when the head crowns and I can't stand stinging pain, but a lot of people I have spoken to said they don't remember stinging or burning or don't remember pain in the vaginal area until after they had been stitched.

However I've seen women on discovery health screaming more as the baby head crowns, and yet I've also noticed that they often stop the gas and air when pushing so maybe this is the least painful bit?

I agree that it is different for everyone. I was v lucky that it was not too painful - because I thought I was miles away from birth so I just went with it until I couldn't bear anymore and that's when we went to hospital. turns out we were closer than we had thought and ds popped out 10mins after arriving at hospital. Therefore I sort of agree with Dadslib, I arrived at hospital really hoping I was 5cm so I could go into the pool and it turns out that there would not have been time to fill a sink - I assumed that it wouold get a whole lot worse whereas I was nearly there - sorry positive birth story for ftm but v v irritating for those with worse experiences

Dadslib, agree with your dw, TENS was great BUT by the end it wasn't working , or so I thought - not that I would let anyone take it off though - dh picked it up afterwards and touched both sets of electrodes, he got a belt, the air went blue and I found it really funny cos I'd obviously gone so far past anything it could do for me yet he thought it was agony. Ha ! as they would say on the Fast Show

Gas and air was fab, biting the mouthpiece helped too. Had transition while still on an induction ward (although wasn't induced, long story), swore my head off at top volume before deciding I wasn't giving birth today and would go home instead (dh is such a star, even coped, just, with the reappearance of the cheese sandwiches I'd insisted on before going to hospital) and I apparently put the fear of god into the tour that was visiting, sorry to any of you reading this..

I wish I'd read this thread before I gave birth, cos everyone is different.

I found the contractions very easy to manage (by "conducting" them - you had to be there to understand), but as ds came out, I swear I felt every single facial feature as it stretched and pulled me about. I also hated being told to push harder when I was pushing as bloody hard as I could - so maybe DL is right, in that I did find it painful as I am so used to being in control!

But, after saying that, I also agree that my body took over and I just went along with it, basically. I think the labour was tougher for dp who had to watch the woman he loves going through all of this, but without his body giving him instructions about what to do next!

For me, the contractions were worse than pushing dd out. In fact, I was quite surprised to find that her head was already out before I'd really noticed it. My contractions stopped for a while though, and I found that almost as hard as the contractions themselves. At least with the contractions, I could deal with them as they came. When they stopped, I just had to think that they were going to come back, they were going to get harder, and I didn't like them very much.

I found pushing out the placenta the worst bit. After pushing out a baby I couldn't be doing with any more pushing. I think it was a bit stuck reading my notes so maybe that's why. I can remember transition being the most painful, but by then I'd gone to my own place in my head and just repeated "this will pass" for 45 minutes. Pushing was the most tiring, and people asking me if I wanted to be sick when I was just burping was the most annoying.

The last few contractions!

Big sigh, I know I'll never have another baby again (I'm 45) unless by pure accident and fluke. Reading this thread, I have to say, I miss the pain! I feel very sad that I will never go through a labour again.

Thanks for all your replies. I'm not quite so nervous now, but I am worried that I wont cope without drugs and as I am booked in for a home birth wont be able to have an epidural. Also I know someone who had an epidural which worked straight away making contractions painless and althought labour progressed very quickly then so epidural didnt have time to wear off she still felt some stinging although only slight. Im thinking if she had slight pain down there with an epidural I will have severe pain without one!

But I suppose a few generations back our relatives were all coping with no pain relief so it can be done!

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I think it just helps me to know that if other women can do this, so can I. Wasn't Queen Vic. controversial because she was the first prominent European to ever be recorded as using any kind of pain relief in childbirth -- very controversial! Think of all those women before her who had no relief at all (ok, probably alcohol, to be honest). Most of them weren't Superwomen, either.

And that said, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with using whatever pain relief you feel you need to get through it.

OK, stand back - yep, I think Dadslib's got a point. Because during my last labour I was incredibly focused on the birthing pool dp was filling up, and kept thinking 'when I get into that the pain HAS to get better' - and if I hadn't been thinking that I honestly think I'd have gone to pieces and felt overwhelmed by the pain (contractions - don't think I had a transition stage, just started pushing!).

I think the water did help - all the burning sensation stopped - but then baby just popped out!

You will find that most women who are extremely well supported during childbirth by a one to one carer like a MW (who STAYS with the mum) or a doula or a relative (mum/sis/best friend)... can do it without pain relief.

The view of some of us (doulas) is that the BEST way to deal with a labouring woman is to sit in the birthing room, not talk to her but have a reassuring presence (which some men can't do as they are too anxious), we may massage her at some point, stroke her head/hair, help her breath,... but basically we just sit there and let her labour - protect her privacy (i.e. the constant ins and outs of some MW). This may sound strange if you haven't experienced it but it is a very powerful way of supporting a woman. Most of the mums I have supported have not had any pain relief at all. None are "super women" high pain threshhold, etc.

Maybe Pie can tell us how she feels about this as she recently experienced it ?

I do think that a dad's point of view is valid in the sense that they probably remember all the details of the experince better (for me 11.00 lasted at least and hour, I just remember looking at the clock and the time was the same!) and I did rely on my partner to fill in some of the details. I think the pain too can be very upsetting for them as there's nothing they can do about it - well you know what I mean.

Having had one labour with my then husband, and epidural and ventouse, and then one with DH, doula(pupuce!) water birth, I can honestly say the second was soooooooo much better. Until pupuce got to the hospital I was trying to use the gas and air, when she got there I basically gave up. I used it for about 40 minutes total, not with every contraction, but DH was upset at seeing me like that, it was just him and me and I felt like I was free falling. He kept trying to talk to me...aking me what he could do, just talking, and bless him to pieces but there were times I could have thrown something. Nothing he was going to say or do would have helped and I just ended up worrying about him as the more he talked the more I could see how anxious he was.

When pupuce got to the hospital, we moved to the water, I didn't feel like I needed to try to use the gas and air and there was so little talking directed at me. There was talking but I didn't feel that I had to engage with anyone, that I could just focus on my body, infact I can't even picture where anyone was standing or hear what they said, before then I can.

It was if the more I had to think about (such as listening or talking) the harder the pain was...just too many things going on, when really there was only one thing that should have been vying for my attention, not that I could have ignored it.

No one even told me to push, and I didn't, the contractions alone were enough to deliver DD2..it was just so quiet.

So just for an alternative way to 'deal' with the pain, accepting that it will hurt like nothing else, that you can be in the pain, knowing that it WILL end...and hoping that everyone leaves you alone!!!!

Maybe something to think about bez if you are having a homebirth and don't have epidural opitions and are more likely to have the m/w staying with you.

For me the worst part was definitely the contractions during transition. I had just TENS at that point. I had gas and air while pushing but mainly between contractions to relax. DS was a big baby and took a lot of work and a drip to increase contractions to push out. This was the only time I made any noise and it was more of a grunt than anything else (certainly no screaming). To me it was like the noise a weightlifter makes and just part of the effort of pushing which may be what you are seeing on Discovery Health. Also needed to really, really push out with whole body and so couldn't be breathing in gas and air.

Bez I would really try not to worry about the stinging. By this point I just didn't notice things like this I was so taken over by the process. Didn't even feel (although I saw) injection in thigh they give to speed up placenta delivery - only time I have ever not felt an injection.

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Dadslib - your second post was really great. Informative, truthful, fair and honest etc etc. your wife was a very lucky woman to have you around during her labour.

When I got to the hospital I was exactly 10 cms and it was all stations go - no time to fill up the pool so my wonderful plans for a water birth went out of the window.

The reason I was a home so long was that I kept thinking it must get worse than this. Then at the stage when I began to feel a bit out of control and scared because there were absolutley no gaps between contractions I wanted to go. I must have been semi calm as DP said 'well we'll go if you want but I think they're just going to send us home again'. He didn't even take the bags out of the car and when the midwife examined me and said right 'get undressed this baby will be here soon - where is her bag?' he had to bomb it down to the car park and grab my stuff!

I think the actice birth classes I attended and the stories I had armed myself with kept me calm and enabled me to have the totally drug free birth I always wanted. That a large dose of good luck!

The bits of info I had that kept me calm were that:
It may well fel that you are trying to push the baby out of the wrong hole! It's OK and normal to feel that the baby is coming out of you backside - don't panic!
It may well sting and burn and it's not nice but don't worry it'll stop when that head is out.
Once that head is out whatever you do don't push and the best way to not push once the head is out is to pant in and out through your mouth.
At last but my no means least - it's worth every momnent of pain!

Good luck and try and enjoy the most amazing experience of your life.

I agree that transition was by far the worst part for me. I had a very intense 3 hour labour (not bad for a 1st baby), with no pain-relief at all. I could just about cope with the contraction pain alone so long as I was up and moving around (the midwives said that my complete aversion to lying down undoubtably made my labour that much quicker). The pushing part was automatic, I just couldn't stop, my body literally took over. DD's birth was lovely, it was just DH and I in a low-lit room (NHS) with a midwife popping in every 20 mins or so to check that I was ok. It was so low-tech and so personal, I can't fault my midwife or the hospital (Worcestershire Royal). Brilliant.

I think I am lucky in that many of my friends had normal deliveries without epidurals, so I just assumed that I would be able to too....(although of course I was also terrified that I wouldn't cope and didn't want to give myself expectations I couldn't live up to).
I really agree that if you want to avoid an epidural if possible, then home is the best place to be (you can have every other method of pain relief there). I also found it easier to cope with the pain at home. I think I did spend quite a lot of time on my own, mostly on all fours moaning and moving my hips around, spent a bit of time in the shower; also found dh pressing on my lower back (very very hard!) was helpful. I stayed at home until I really felt I needed pain relief and arrived at hospital 2.5 hours before ds was born.
I would recommend the Active birth book by Janet Balaskas for ideas about positions and coping with the pain. Good luck!

For me the last 2-4 hours each time were wildernesses of pain where I drifted in and out of consciousness. I believe when the actual crowning takes place a natural anaesthetic floods the area, so that would explain why such extreme stretching is often not as painful as one would expect.

We cope because we have the certainty that this pain will come to an end pretty soon, chances are it will not kill us, it is not a mystery pain which would be much more frightening. When it all gets too much the body has a way of switching off your consciousness to let you cope.

It is painful, but like earlier posters have said it is a pain with a purpose, and you know its going to last a limited time. I had a painful illness that started about a year ago, and I found the pain a lot more difficult to deal with than childbirth, even though it was less intense, because I had no idea how long it would go on for or if it would ever end.

I don't remember any stinging/burning, but I had a great waterbirth, unlike Bloss, so perhaps that helped - (I'm so sorry about your experience, it would have devestated me). I agree with pupuce about the comforting presence though - our midwife coincidentally happened to be someone from my hometown, who I knew very vauguely from school - she was older, but I instinctively connected with and trusted her. We were only at the hospital for about an hour before DD was born, but up until the action really intensified she stayed very much in the background, coming forward occassionally to check the temperature of the water or ask me or DP a question. If she wasn't panicking, there didn;'t seem any reason for us to.

WSM - I would not / could not lay down either. Even when my midwife was examining me - she tried to get me on my back but there was no way! I had my DD standing up - felt so right - for me. I also only had one midwife and was in a lovley room that smelt of lavender with low lighting and a pretty bedspread!!

I also had the same experience as Thomcat - kept thinking 'this can't really be it, can it' as I was expecting it to be worse. Not sure I was so outwardly serene, my DP got onto the phone about 40 minutes after I'd told him it was getting extreme - it was DD's due date, and following all of the advice we'd planned a nice meal out, but thank god changed our minds at the last minute, cancelled the table and bought all of the ingredients for a fantastic meal at home. I'd been looking forward to dressing up etc, so we still got dressed up - yes, I would be the one who went into labour wearing a ballgown, rolling around on a beanbag at home... DP talked to the midwife who suggested we left it another couple of hours, but he insisted we went into the hospital then. She spoke to me on the phone and said 'yes, I think we'd better see you, just in case' so, ballgown and all we got in the car, with me cursing DP everytime we went over a bump for putting me through this so early on. I was convinced it was bad indigestion or something and they would send me straight home, instead there was less than an hour between arrival at hospital and DD's birth, the delivery room and turned on the taps before even looking at me. So I guess on reflection my experience was that it was uncomfortable but not extreme pain until the last thirty minutes of labour.

Yours sounds similar to mine Thomcat, apart from the 'this can't be it' part . It hurt like hell but I knew that would be the case anyway and had 'prepared' myself as far as is possible. Looking back it couldn't have gone any better for us. It was exactly the birth I'd wanted.

Do you know what I've realised - I bloody love talking about and remembering the birth of my DD.
I could discuss birth stories all day any day!
Looking back on it is just so lovely!!

Sorry, bloss, I wasn't making myself clear - I meant that the expectation that the water must do something meant that I got through escalating levels of pain without screaming GET ME OUT OF HERE, which I think I might have done without something to look forward to.

Think the trick with home birth is just to be at home when you get to the stage you'd leap at any available drugs. Mind you, I am a complete wuss with pain, as I frequently repeat!