Too much going on and really need to vent.

[nunnie]

Feel free to tell me to get a grip and if local to me you are more than welcome to come to my door and slap me in the face, I am thick skinned honest.

Here goes.
DD was born June 2007 all fine apart from needing an MROP. Start to finish was 2 hours and 5 minutes.
DS was born in Oct last year via EMCS for brow, all fine and healthy reasonable recovery for both of us. He suffered jaundice but was severely bruised after 3.5 hours of pushing with nowhere for him to go so this what put down as the cause for the jaundice. He was also a very healthy 4 week early baby.
I am currently 33+5 with number 3 and due in September so this one will arrive before DS is one. Was set on ELCS because I was told by friends and family I wouldn't be offered a VBAC because the gap was too small. Anyway I was offered one and told I was ideal candidate having had a successful VB previously and making it to pushing with DS. So decided VBAC might be the better option for me due to recovery with a toddler newborn and a under 1.
Anyway 20 week scan showed I have a low lying placenta and am due to return on Monday for another scan to check the position again.

Now recently I have all of a sudden gone into a major panic about unterine rupture to the point where it really is affecting me mentally, I keep bursting into tears when my DD hugs me because I have convinced myself I won't come out of hospital again if I have a VBAC, totally irrational I know but it is occupying my every thought at the moment.
I am praying my placenta is still low so I won't be forced to have a VBAC.
As all my appointments with midwives and Consultants have consisted of if placenta position is good then you WILL be having a VB I gather, leaving em feeling a little like I have no option really.

I don't want an ELCS because I see it as the easier option or because it is better for my schedule as my DS arrived 4 weeks early so a planned section at 39 weeks isn't going to mean I can plan anyway. I am just petrified of everything going wrong during a VBAC.

I know everyone gets nervous closer to labour and it probably is just that.

Sorry for long self pitying thread, but I just wanted to vent.

Nothing wrong in how you are feeling, bound to get stagefright before the big show. No slap needed.

I really feel for you. I think you need to write down your feelings- maybe as you have here, and either take it with you to your next appointment and have it on the table to discuss with the doctor, or send a letter to your consultants secretary with your feelings in, so it will be at the top of your file to discuss at your next appointment and the consultant should have read it before you arrive.

Good luck, I hope you get the outcome that is best for you.

You need to book some time with your midwife and tell them all of this. I am sure no one will force you to have a VBAC if that is going to stress you out. At the end of the day the objective of the exercise is to have a healthy baby and mummy. They want to offer you choices not rail road you into something. Maybe they think you are fixed on a VB and are trying as hard as they can to keep this option open for you.

Good luck.

Speak to the MW.

You'll be very closely monitored during a VBAC, so even with a hint of something not being as it should, you should be offered EMCS anyway. Uterine rupture (I believe) is VERY VERY rare.

:)

Thank you everyone. I am seeing the midwife at 36 weeks. Am reluctant to discuss these feelings with the Consultant on Monday as I haven't told DH how I am feeling, he knows I am not right because I am not sleeping and crying alot but I have told him it is just hormones and panic about how I will cope with 2 under one.
I know I should talk to him about how I feel and he is a good listener but I can't bring myself to discuss this with him.