ELCS then VBAC now ELCS not sure I know what to do for the best!

[nunnie]

This may all become irrelevant on the 15th but if it doesn't please someone give me a smack in the mouth and tell me to pull myself together!

I went to my 16 wk appointment wanting a elcs mainly due to an irrational fear of a uterine rupture and the stupidly short gap between my pregnancy and EMCS.

Anyway after chat with Consultant I changed well thought I had changed to more wanting a VBAC due to having had a VB birth before and making it to pushing with DS without any worries which apparently makes me an ideal candidate for a successful VBAC.

Anyway went for 20 week scan and have/had a low lying placenta and am to be rescanned on the 15th.

Secretly I have been hoping it is still low lying as I really do want an ELCS I have so many worries surrounding a VBAC it is really upsetting me to think I might have to have one. Every appointment I have had with midwives and consultants have all consisted of so you WILL be having a VBAC won't you, making me feel a bit like I should be saying yes of course why wouldn't I, but really I am thinking I DON'T KNOW, I am petrified of the thought of anything going wrong and dying before I get to see my child (irrational I know).

Apparently I don't have to decide until 36 weeks but I never made it to a booked 36 week appointment with my DS because he came before the appointment was due. Now I have the worry that I will labour before I make my choice official and I will be laughed at if I say I want a ELCS when I arrive pushing (like I did with DS) having never finalised it with the Consultant.

Is this just normal pre VBAC jitters?

It doesn't sound that much like normal pre-VBAC jitters to me, it sounds more like you never actually wanted a VBAC but feel pushed into it. I imagine that if you go into labour before 36 weeks you might have to VBAC as 1. CS hasn't been signed off by a consultant, and 2. I think I've read that vaginal birth is preferable for early babies rather than CS, however I may be totally wrong (anyone else got info on that??). Is there any way you can get an earlier appointment than 36 weeks, by emphasising to midwives that you really need to see consultant earlier as you are so anxious about VBAC and in particular likelihood of going into labour before the appointment?

However it might also be worth trying the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs to help alleviate your fears as it seems that hospitals now are very, very pro VBAC despite even extreme maternal concerns so you may have to accept it - sorry that doesn't sound very positive but I know of people who have been forced into VBAC despite desperately not wanting one. (NB I recently had a very positive VBAC to give the flip side).

Thank you, I have my scan on the 15th which is 34 weeks so hoping I can discuss it with Consultant then and they won't make me wait till the 36 week one.

Whilst I have researched and armed my brain with stats and concerns.
I know as soon I start to discuss it I will burst into tears and will be looked at as though I am some sort of over emotional wreck and it will be put down to normal pregnancy hormones and normal labour fears, which it probably will be those things.

I feel can't argue my ELCS desire as I can't personally think of a specific reason why it would be the better option for my personal circumstances and feel like I am just wanting control which I don't suppose would be a good enough reason to warrant abdominal surgery in their eyes.