I'm 39+ weeks with DC #4 and feeling more afraid than I have ever felt about labour :( What should I do/read? Can anyone help me feel less scared?

[Astrophe]

DC 3's birth (2 years ago) was a bit traumatic, in that the midwife we had was very focussed on her own agend and didn't follow our birth plan at all. Because I wasn't given the pain relief I wanted, I totally freaked out (really thought I was going to die, at the time), and then there were some bad tears afterwards because she didn;t do the episiotomy I'd specificially asked for.

I'm not sure if thats why, but I'm really feeling very afraid of giving birth again. I probably have a week or so to go, and so more time to worry. Every time the baby wriggles (the head is quite low, and so sometimes it hurts quite a bit) it makes me think of the pain to come, and feel more scared.

In the past I've felt more positive about going into labour :(

Any thoughts on what I should read or do to help me prepare? Thanks.

I am so sorry you had a bad time - but you have to isolate it and let go. That was dc3's birth - totally different to others - and this one will be different again. I had a rubbish birth with ds1 due to incompetent and quite frankly negligent midwife - but learnt slot from it and had a dream birth with ds2. I did hypnobirthing to let go of my fears from the old birth and read child irth without fear and lots of Ina May Gaskin and it all really helped. Talk to your community midwife about your fears and if you really want another advocate for you at the birth hire a doula from doula.org - we had one at ds2's birth and she was great - v unobtrusive but knew what we wanted and made sure we got it.

Ps hooe all goes smoothly and you are soon holding that lovely baby I. Your arms

thanks dinky. I'm not in the UK, so not sure about doula/community midwife etc. We've gone with a private obstetrician this time (because we didn't want to go back to same place/system we had with DC#3), and he is great - very calm, very happy to talk through things, and also very happy to adhere to our wishes (obviously assuming a straight forward birth etc). But I'm still scared. Might do some googling and see if I can get something online to read, or book from the library. Running out of time now - I'm not sure the book would come in time if I ordered it in!

Google Ina may gaskin online - she is a midwife and her birth stories are inspiring. Hypnobirthing definitely helped me - there are online resources that may help you. And it's great you have a supportive ob you trust - just keep telling yourself this is an entirely different birth

Ju Ju Sundin's birth skills. Fantastic book, totally practical ways of how to cope with labour and all techniques can work in an obstetrician birth, as well as in other settings. I NEED to get my copy back before DC 2 is due in November as I'm already getting nervous after a bad birth first time. I need to reread this book myself, it's brilliant. And good luck with this birth, I hope it's fantastic and a real healer.

thanks poppet, will google her too :)

I don't expect a high intervention birth - have not had a epidural so far (althought not vehemently opposed, would rather not), but have used pethidine before (great for me) and G&A (awful). My Ob has said he'll give me pethidine as I walk in the door :)