Cesarian recovery with no husband?

[MummyAbroad]

I would love the opinions of those of you who have had cesarians, I am trying to decide on a birth plan and there are so many complicated factors and questions I have.

Some info:
Before conceiving I was treated for Ashermans Syndrome, have been told I must have a hospital birth as I am at risk of hemorraging. I hemorraged very badly after the birth of my first child - vaginal birth - and needed two blood transfusions. Its debatable whether CS or vaginal birth would be better in terms of not developing AS again.

I live abroad and will be paying for private health care, the cesarian rate in the hospitals over here is 80% - Women can chose what kind of birth they want, and so many chose cesarians that doctors dont really know how to "do" natural births. (DS was born in the UK in a midwife led unit)

I have a three year old son, no family in this country, recently split from abusive husband but a couple of close friends have offered to help and also I am paying a full time cleaner/cook who is in the house from Mon- Fri, 8am to 5pm.

questions:

could I cope on my own with recovery from a C-section if I had one? I could get the cleaner to cook and shop and bring me food, so that would leave taking care of myself and the baby when I come home from hospital - is that manageble? or am I mad to even consider it?

DS could stay with his dad for a few days (he is used to staying over at weekends) , but ideally I would like him around so as not to feel left out and pushed away by the new baby. Would I be able to cope taking care of him too?

I loved having a vaginal birth the first time, I read Ina May and am a big fan of natural, no epidural type birth - however, seeing as I cant have a home birth (illegal here, and not an option for my medical case anyway) I doubt very much I would get the natural environment I would need to have a successful VB, and would be really worried about going into labour in the middle of the night and struggling to get myself to hospital with a three year old in tow. My gut feeling is that all doctors over here are very into intervention and it would be a real struggle getting them to let me do things the natural way, hence I am seriously thinking about a cesarian. However, I really am worried about the recovery, just read the "if you are having a cesarian..." thread and am quite terrified. So now I keep going round and round in circles and dont quite know what to do... anyone want to help talk me through it?

I'm facing something similar, but a bit different as DH is around, but will have to be away right after surgery. I also live abroad and so will have to depend on household help a few days a week and a couple of friends. I had a c-section with first DC and was amazed at how easily and quickly I recovered. Of course, there is no knowing how it will be this time around, but it really was OK. I think if you have your cleaner/ cook in the house as an extra set of hands that would be a huge help. Is your son OK with her? Could she possibly shift or extend her hours as I am thinking bedtime with your son may be a tricky period when you may want a bit of extra help. Or could you ask friends to help out once cleaner leaves and you are putting your son to bed? I can understand you want to keep your son with you, but good to have back up if it all gets too much he could go to his dad. I guess the main thing is will you have people that you feel comfortable calling on if you need help or aren't coping.

As for c-section vs natural. I am in the same situation. I would prefer natural, but as DH can't be with me and home birth illegal I am really nervous about trying a natural for the first time on my own in an unfamiliar setting.

hope it works out for you.

I think having the cleaner do cooking shopping etc will be a big help. I'd ask your friends to help at bathtime and bedtime because lifting a three year old out of the bath will be very hard after a section.
I've had two sections. With my second DScame down with chicken pox when Dd was six days old so DH looked after him while I did everything for DD ( trying to keep her clear of chicken pox) and it was fine. So I'd say it is manageable but ask for lots of help.

Any chance of you coming home where you have family support and having a VB in the UK? Are you too far along now to fly?

Thanks for your comments.

sprinkles Going back to the UK would be hard, as H can legally stop me from taking DS out of the country. I wouldnt qualify for NHS care either as i have been out of the country for so long, they would make me pay. I'm ok to fly (I am 21 weeks) but it would be expensive both to fly and to spend time in the UK. I've weighted up the costs and would be better of paying for private care here. Also, I am in a better position financially here in general as I own my own home and work from home as a translator, (I am also thinking about how to keep that going when the baby comes, am I mad?) and have a bit of income from renting a room.

expat very encouraging to hear that C-section recoveries can go well. My other big worry is that I know that natural recoveries can be hard too - last time I had stiches (owch) and was severally anemic and had massive blood loss/emergency ERPC a month after the birth. (but the whole VB experience was wonderful and I dont regret it) When are you due? I am due in November.

DS does play with the cleaner sometimes, but has got a lot more clingy with me since his dad left. Unfortunately she started working for us around the time he left, and that I started working, so he has associated being cared for by her with spending less time with mummy and daddy and often rejects her.

Chrysanthemum5 Yes, its bed time and bath time that is worrying me too. I guess I can get the cleaner to bath DS in the mornings. Poor you with the chicken pox right after childbirth, that must have been hard.

I think Cesarian seems to be the practical option, because at least then I could plan in advance help to be on hand. Very scared though, because its the unknown!

I am MummyAbroad
oh whoops! I have just outed myself! I have been using two names on MN for a while and forgot to change - doh!

Ok am back to proper name now

MummyA Just wanted to say a quick hello and send a big hug your way. I'm so sorry to hear that you've split from your husband after the year you've just had. I'm afraid I can't really offer any advice on the c-section stuff, but just wanted to let you know I'm still here lurking and thinking of you. xxx

Well, a vaginal attempt always carries the risk of EMCS, which is likely to leave you more knackered than an ELCS.

I'd say, if older child is being take care off, the freezer is stuffed with food ad you've got enough books ad dvd box sets to keep you entertaied you should be fine.

Try to be active while ot overdoing it (i.e. gentle walk round the block good, housework bad) and you'll be ok.

oh hello Glittery!! hope you are well xxx

Well pendulum has swung heavily to the CS side now, I am going to meet some new doctors next week and pick one.

thanks for your input everybody xxx

Hi Mummy. Well, the good news is that you have time to prepare your son and maybe see if you cleaner can help a bit more with your son (would you feel comfortable with that?) Or even get someone else who is really good with children. I'm sure he will get less clingy. I am 38 weeks- C-section booked for next week!!!! I didn't have a maid/ nanny/ househelp until a few weeks ago, but now have someone in and have been careful to slowly introduce my DC to them. I've been asking her to take time to jsut sit and play with DC and it has been working really well. I was doing this so if I have to into hospital for a few days and DH isn't here she can help with DC.

I can let you know how my experience goes as I'm doing it next week!