I have said it before I ever got pregnant (after previous incredibly traumatic birth) but I wasn't sure if I was serious, but now I am pregnant and at my birth reflections appointment today when the lady downplayed my experience and hinted that I might not be able to get an ELCS I found myself shrieking hysterically at her:
"then I want a termination then- I can't and won't go through it again".
I am not sure if I meant it. If they were to seriously make me have a VB again with no pain relief then I definitely did. But they won't be that cruel surely so I probably didn't mean it. I love this little almost 10 week bean already but can't risk losing or damaging anymore babies (had an MMC 10weeks, 16month old DD with oxygen starvation and suspected brain damage but mostly fine now and recent ectopic pregnancy where I lost a tube)
The very fact I got so upset and mentioned termination will probably mean I will get an ELCS (consultant appt in two weeks) but I am a bit suprised at how visceral my reactions are and quite how hysterical I am appearing to the HCP's. Oh dear they probably want to section me rather than C-section me!
OOOPS!