do u ever feel yourself again after having a child?

[valentinemum10]

its been 3 momths since i gave birth to my first.finding it difficult and i just dont feel myself physically or mentally..as if ive lost myself. How long does it take to recover if ever?
I know we have to kind of put ourself aside and baby comes first but i feel as if i'll never be that fun,interested,excited and funny person again,plus my body feels like someone elses!
I feel as of other mothers are doing fine and im sloely becoming shadow of my former self.
Tell me it takes time and will get better...

I felt like this until my dd's first birthday, but then it slowly got better. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to? It sounds like you have pnd to me.

i have thought its pnd....whats RL?

sorry, real life.

not really,my partners depressed& doesnt really try very hard to participate with his DD. Doesnt take me seriously with how i feel... I thinl i need to look to counselling??

I think so, yes. Good luck [hug]

i'm feeling kinda the same, 8 weeks since birth and feeling lost just like you valentinemum not helped that the lochia side of things is still going on ... going to see GP this week as husband doesn't get it or does anything to help in general ... big hug to you I am sure we are not alone :)

i felt exactly like this after my birth and i don't want to make you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but it took me a good 6 months to recover and about 8 months to feel like myself again, although it is a new version of myself. In fact i felt so crap after the birth i remember having to 'fake smile' in all the photos! everyone said to me having a baby is hard and i was like this is beyond hard, it's complete sh*t.

i went for counselling which was offered free at my hospital which was great and really helped me deal with a lot of issues. I also went on st john's wort which helped i think. i waited too long for help though, i didn't do anything until my ds was 5 months and i wish i had admitted i needed help earlier.

also i am reading a book at the moment called 'what mothers do' which is fantastic at describing the mothering experience.

also think of it this way, it would take you about 6 months to learn a new job and this is a new job so cut yourself some slack and give yourself time to 'learn' the new skills you need.

it will get better, i promise, i can't say when but it will get better.

You need to buy this book

You will feel like you again, honest. Those first months are bloody tough. Hang in there mate.

I felt just like you after birth of DS (for about a year) I am pretty sure looking back it was PND and i wish i had asked for help sooner (it was a tough year for me and DH). Ds now 3 and i feel great! Pregnant again and feel entirely different (last time was pretty down in pregnancy too). First few months are hard, but have a chat with your health visitor if your worried.

thanx ladies, i lnow its going to take time.im going to speak to health visitor. I think it doesnt help that i almost died in labor,was in IC and my baby born not breathing then in NICU for nearlu 2 weeks....amongst other halth problems its left me with i feel sooo shit! I think ive got PTS too....im scared of cracking up! Ok i need to seek help!

I felt like this after my 1st dc. Eventually went to go and was diagnosed with pnd. Does sound like you need to see someone.

If it helps to rationalise why you're feeling like this, it's not at all surprising really. Everything that made you you and your life yours has been taken away or dramatically altered: body shape, career, social life, sex life, relationships,with partner, family and friends, financial situation, the clothes you wear, normal routine, etc.

Hope u get the help you need.

From 6 months I was feeling more confident and much more normal, then about 8 months something changed overnight and I felt fab - I remember saying to dh "I feel like me again. I didn't realise how little energy I had but now I have loads!"

There were lots of things people didn't tell me - books say baby recognises mum at birth. Hmmmm dd didn't, she just screammed for the 1st 4 months of her life. She's now 3 and is wonderful. Don't give yourself a hard time and ask for help.

do you maybe have PTSD?

It's only been 3 months, give it a year or 2 (or 3).

Hi valentinemum10. I only realised that I had "lost" myself when DS1 was about 2. I had DS2 soon after. They are 6 and 4 now. I love them to bits and am a SAHM.
But I had to admit to myself and accept the fact that part of me regretted having children. We don't have family near by,my job as a nurse meant it was crazy hours. We were ok financially so I quit.
I feel I lost so much of my life. My job,figure,sleep,time for myself....it sounds so selfish! But I did resent all the changes! However once I accepted that I felt that way,that it was ok to feel this way,that I was a good and loving mum doing her best,then I felt much happier.
I wouldn't change anything now,in fact am thinking of a number3! Maybe I was depressed or something. I guarantee you are not alone feeling this way. But very few will admit it.

I felt I didn't get my head back at all until ds was 18 months - 2 years. I had an amazing few months when I felt like I was able to function again without being shattered all the time. Then got pregnant again when he was 2.2 and lost it all again as felt so awful most of the time. Am hoping it won't take so long again but am not hopeful. I did go to the HV who was sympathetic but not ultimately helpful, don't really think I had PND, just that the transition to being a mother is the most almighty shock.

It takes time and it does get better

3 months is nothing at all really. I remember feeling pretty shell shocked for at least that long with my first.

I'm really glad to see you are going to speak to your HV. With my second I felt very different, just as you describe actually, like I was losing myself. It was a long time before I realised that things weren't right and that I was just going through the motions. Turns out I had PND - just speaking to someone about it was the start of getting better for me. And as for all the other mums doing fine, things aren't always what they seem! People can be very good at hiding what they are really feeling - I always felt that eveyone was breezing through parenthood whilst I was struggling. Usually tho' the truth is everyone is muddling through the best they can and putting on a brave face.

And congratulations, I hope your DC and you are fully recovered from what sounds like a very difficult birth. Be kind to yourself and I hope you get the help and support you need

thankyou for sharing your experiences. I hope i can get through this...everyday is a struggle in my head and body.got appointment to see doc on wed...
It seems it takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to deal with acknowledging this major change known as motherhood!thats scary! I jsut dont want to dread each day getting worse. I love my little girl but her incredible glass shattering constant screams makes me borderline.ive earplugs to ease the crippling headaches now!

I also experienced a very profound feeling of identity loss as you describe, and plenty of guilt, but I was also diagnosed with PND when my dd was 5 months. I think the identity thing is something that most go through to different degrees and so it is entirely normal. However, when it's affecting you most of the time for an extended period and you have other symptoms like frequent tearfulness, feelings of hopelessness etc then perhaps it is PND.

Counselling helped me understand what was going on and to get through it. You will be fine and it will resolve itself eventually but there's no harm in looking for help or support with this if you feel you need it.

I am glad you are going to talk to someone and it sounds like you had a REALLY tough entry into motherhood.

I remember sitting in a salt bath (for my stitches) having a major panic attack thinking "what the FUCK was I thinking having a baby? I have just made the most stupid mistake of my life...." The thing that I found the hardest was that all my routines had gone - couldn't sleep when I wanted or eat when I wanted and even taking a shower seemed to be impossible. My DD seemed to be hanging off my tits all day and all night and our flat was a tip........

But you know what? Before you realise, you are getting a bit more sleep at night, the feeding frenzy of the first 8 weeks settles down and you start to conquer those "firsts" like driving somewhere or breastfeeding in public.

It prob took me 6 months to feel like myself (with a baby) again and this was prob down to a combination of weaning onto solids, decent nights sleep and feeling so much more confident as a mother.

I have recently had my second baby and it is hardwork and has its moments of tears and exhaustion, but you NEVER have to go through the shock and awe that is your first baby again!

Don't be fooled by mothers who look like they are breezing through. My best friend appeared at my door last week in tears saying she was really struggling with 2 small children, when I had assummed she was coping really well because she always seem so on top of things!

Hope you start to come through the other side soon.....

How are you doing today?

Don't want to be nosey but you mentioned earlier that your DH is depressed. Has this been since your DD was born or was he depressed before then? Is he getting support or treatment? I'm sorry you don't feel he takes your feelings seriously - do you have any other family or friends nearby for support? I found it really helped just talking to others and having some extra support in place.

Also you mention your DD's constant screams. Do you think she may have colic or reflux? Maybe speak to your GP or HV about this too if you haven't already. Hope today is a better day for you

hello,
thanks again.my relationshp with DP is kind of rocky(even before she was born&he didnt want me to have her etc.but now he obviously loves her!its jusr problm with how we feel bout each other) i want to go for some relationship cousellng,PND counselling,PTS help! i DONT KNOW HOW to do this.
Have mild to harsh panic attacks almost everday but managing to fight thru each one.today i managed to get through my panic attack whilst sa in a babyfeedng room in a shopping centre.
Tried to focus my mind on my DD....
I will be seeing a doctor tomorow but just reading these posts and sharing a bit here with yo has helped me aready.im so grateful to be able to just read all this and makes a big difference in how i think already.in a good way.
Im going to get that book...'what mothers do'.