Tokophobia and elective c section

[LaraCameron]

Hello everyone!
I have severe primary tokophobia and I was wondering if there are any ladies out there who were allowed an elective cesarean on the NHS on these grounds for the first child. If so, how did you go about it? How easy is it? How did you convince the consultant?
Any tips are welcome.
Thank you !

PMHull
I agree with you and I think your website is amazing.
I definitely think women should be given a choice and their decisions must be respected. As long as they are fully informed of the risks, since many times women have many misconceptions about childbirth.
As I said, doctors themselves have admitted on your website that mothers must hace a choice and that c sections, are not as risky as people make them out to be. What agenda could a doctor possibly have for saying that?

belgianbun Thanks very much! Good to know it can be smooth sailing instead of messy and stressful!
And you are very right- the decision to have a baby was HUGE.
While I cant wait to be a mom, I am dreading every minute of pregnancy and the birth.
A c section is definitely better for me, but who likes all those doctors and needles and scary machines? I wish this could somehow be easier. I just hate the whole process.

belgianbun
I could afford a private midwife- but I dont think it will help much with the c section. For me it has to be a c section.
I will go for counselling, so that I dont panic throughout the pregnancy.
In an ideal world, Id want to see a FEMALE Ob/gyn throughout the pregnancy, and then have a c section when the time comes.
All this would not be a problem back home or even in London but its rather difficult everywhere else in the UK.
Due to my history, I have a phobia of being examined- never even go for pap smears. So you can imagine what a VB will do to me. The idea of being put in stirrups for an assisted birth or to get stitched up is enough to make me double over with nausea and palpitations. I know I cant avoid intimate exams completely but I can reduce them by opting for a c section.
Going to a male doctor or midwife will probably kill me. Its childish, I know and I suppose I would be ok with one just as long as I get a c section.
I have far too many issues!
I know someone who has the same phobia as yours, and I cant even begin to imagine how hard pregnancy would have been for you.

LC, unfortunately the only way you will get a female ob guaranteed is to come down to London and go private. Maybe then you could also ask for only female theatre staff as you will have to have a catheter inserted and be cleaned up down below afterwards. There will also be a surgeon assisting and various theatre staff and an NHS hospital simply does not have the resources for providing an all female staff. I do think after reading your posts you really do need a lovely female ob/gynae to hand hold you. I have some issues myself (not anything like yours) and it helps a lot. xx

ajmama I think I'll have to come down to London I think. I could be ok with a couple of men in theater as long as the person inserting the catheter and cleaning me down below is a woman!
Im begining to see that a rather simple preference for female consultants and c sections is quite impossible outside London unfortunately.Frustratingly it would be so easy to get back home.
This is going to cost me a packet, but I'll have to do it. Its not just paying the private hospital, its also accommodation in London ( we know people there but they have 4 little children so Id hate to crash at their place)

LC, I understand your worries but I just wanted to share my experience. I was raped at 19 and so have issues with smears etc. DD1 was born naturally and am now pg with twins (ELCS at 37w on advice of consultant but it's what I'd prefer anyway).

IME women are far rougher than men when doing internal exams. One woman even caught me in the metal thing (they use plastic ones now). My advice would be to explain how nervous you are when you do need internals but make sure you have the most experienced person doing it rather than worrying about whether they're male of female. I know this may be too much for you, but it really is the experience I have had and now I'm far more relaxed having a male consultant than a female mw with little experience.

PrincessScrumpy
i agree with you- but Im not talking about midwives at all - I think Portland has several female obstetricians, Im sure they're good.
I think you are very brave to have opted for a natural delivery despite being raped.
Im not actually not used to male obstetriciabs- in the US, and in India I always requested a female and it was never a problem.

The Portland has loads of lovely female consultants and when I had DS mine inserted my catheter and cleaned me up afterwards. The midwives postnatally were very gentle and discreet when they had to clean me up fo the 1st 24 hours. Do you know where you are going to be based yet?

ajmama
Unfortunately, we are not certain yet. We have a list of possible places, but we cant choose. Lousy. We'll know within the month.
But, you are right, Portland does appear to be the best option- even though its going to use up a chunk of our savings!
I wish hubby was a bit more supportive. He'll agree ultimately but not without making me feel suitably guilty about the effort and expense involved. If only I could make him understand the toll all this is taking on me- and Im doing it all for him!!
Preemies are common in my family and his- should move to London in my seventh month then, or is that a bit OCD? And I dont know how smart it is to be alone because, while I can get an early maternity leave he cant obviously.

Oh and I must ask- when do they remove the catheter? It sounds so uncomfortable! And Ive heard they dont let you go to wee or poo alone- please tell me thats not true! My mom and husband can help me to shower but Id rather do the rest alone to be honest.
And am I presuming too much about private care? Do private doctors agree to c sections easily?

If you go to the Portland you will have a combined spinal/epidural and they will leave in a light epidural for as long as you like so you will not feel the catheter being removed the next day. You will certainly not have to do your toilet business in front of anyone but your consultant will ask if you have been and if it was uncomfortable but thats it. I know a lot of portland mums and none of us have had any problem getting an EC. There are loads of recommendations on here but I would try and meet a few so you can get a feel to see if you gel. Put a post up for QT pie, she came from a fair distance to London and also the consultants are used to patients travelling so will give you advice.
I do feel for you and hope you get sorted soon so you can enjoy your pregnancy xxx

Hi Lara,
Catheter removal is not a big deal - I hardly felt it. And you definitely get to go to the loo and shower alone. I requested an all-female nursing/midwivery team, although I'm fine with male doctors. And for what it's worth, in my experience you can certainly request a female ob on the NHS. I'm in Scotland though - don't know what it's like in London....

seoladair
Thats a relief! I guess Im worrying too much! Thanks for the inputs- I wasnt aware one could request an all female nurse/midwife team on the NHS. If I end up going with the NHS, I'll put in that request for sure. As for doctors, Id prefer a female, but as some ladies have pointed out, how good and experienced the doctor is , is more important.

ajmama
Thanks so much for all the info- you've been lovely. I like your idea about asking the consultants in Portland about travelling, since they must be so used to sorting this kind of a situation out. Portland sounds like an easier plan after your inputs:)

Lara,
I've heard that male doctors are always accompanied by a female chaperone when any intimate examinations are taking place. I've also heard that, bizarrely, male nurses and male midwives are not chaperoned by a female. I could be wrong about this though, and I'm sure someone will tell me if I am! Any midwives on this thread who can confirm?

I didn't have a single intimate exam in the entire pregnancy. The most that happened was that (female) midwifes shaved my bikini line on the day of the op, inserted the catheter, cleaned me down there after the op (very discreetly, nothing to be worried about!) and removed the catheter the next day. And I seem to remember that gowns and sheets more or less covered my modesty!
By the way, I'd say that period pain or a headache is more uncomfortable than my planned c-sec and recovery have been. I barely felt the prolene beads and stitches being removed. The worst bit was the daily post-op fragmin injections, and even they weren't a big deal - no worse than a dental injection. You'll be fine....

seoladair
Sorry I vanished for a bit!
Thanks for sharing your experience- I just want to ask though, what are these post-op fragmin injections- they sound scary!

Male midwives still have a chaperone where I work.

You can ask for an all male team but I don't think every hospital is able to provide one - ours can't guanrantee one and I have known a woman transfer her care to a different hospital because of this. I suppose if you're having an elective section its easier to plan for but what happens if you go into labout before your section date - you'll get whichever Drs are on that shift.

hello ladies

Im 26 weeks pregnant and on the 2antenatal appts I have had, midwives refused to discuss birth options. How do I go about getting an appointment with a consultant to discuss why I want ECS and if any consultant at my hospital is willing to do it?

Thanks

Hello

Why did the midwives refuse to discuss birth options? Is it just that it hasn't come up? I had my first consultation at about 26 weeks and was given a decision at 36 but they couldn't really refuse at that point. I informed my midwife of my tokophobia at my booking in appt and the referral to a consultant followed. I has ds by very calm and chilled out section five weeks ago.

I have it and got free hypno and psychotherapy from the doctor.

I had it in my birth plan to have GA if I needed a c section (could not consider voluntarily having a needle if could e avoided)

Luckily I had a quick natural labour with Gas and Air. I would de speak to your GP

To be fair I had even having help before ttc because of the severity of it. After a year we ttc and I was still terrible but got through it

Hi OP, before you go spending 10 grand on a private hospital I had PTSD after my first daughter died during a mishandled induction shortly after I was present ay my close friends stillbirth. When it came to having my son now 10 weeks there was no problem or obstacle to getting an elcs even though there was no physical need. I was clear from day one that I was too phobic to give birth vaginally. I didn't have

Hi OP, before you go spending 10 grand on a private hospital I had tokophobia and PTSD after my first daughter died during a mishandled induction shortly after I was present at my close friends stillbirth. When it came to having my son now 10 weeks old there was no problem or obstacle to getting an elcs even though there was no physical need. I was clear from day one that I was too phobic to give birth vaginally. There was simply no way I was going to have a positive experience.I didn't have to convince anybody of anything and was treated with great care on the day. My phobia was accepted as valid and I was supported throughout in my decision. The whole experience was so positive that i feel like next baby I will try to deliver vaginally.

Hi susieloo
Are you ok to tell me which hospital you had your birth?

My midwife told me to wait until 34 weeks appointment to discuss birth option, little did i know at that time that there wont be any appointments in the meantime nor did i know that the process of geeting elcs could be difficult.

Now i have no other midwife appointments until week 34, what can i do?
My gp is rubbish and tells me to go see my midwife for pregnancy related issues.