Any advice on giving birth in hospital without birth partner?

[stottiecake]

Hello

I was hoping for a homebirth originally but consultant not keen as I had a possible pph after ds. I was living in London but have moved back to my home town and due to have ds2 mid July. I'm not sure if it was a pph but needed a transfusion (3 bags). I didn't think to ask why at the time. Consultant has written to Whipps Cross but she is not hopeful of hearing anything back. It would cost £50 for me to get my notes - a bit too much money as I have other more pressing things to spend it on!

Anyway. It seems this baby is big (ds was 9lb 7) they tested for diabetes and infections - all is well thankfully. I am having regular growth scans.

So it looks like I will be advised to have the baby in hospital. I will be alone as dh will be staying with ds. I want this as I want as little disruption as possible for him. I could ask friends but they all work full time and mostly in education so it would be hard to get the time off. Also I would worry about them being bored!!!

So does anyone have any advice? The other thing is I have no phone reception in the hospital - that really worries me.

Am expecting dh and ds back from their shopping expedition very shortly so will return this evening.

Thanks so much x

Tricky. Couple of points to consider, though.

Did Whipps Cross tell you it would be £50 to get your notes? Hospitals are allowed to charge upto £50 to cover admin - but they don't all do. When I got mine they didn't charge me anything. If you haven't heard it direct from them, call their PALS team and ask.

How far from London are you now? Would it be practical to go in for a day trip? IIRC they have to give you access to your notes for free, they can only charge if you want to copy.

Do you feel like hospital is the best place to be? You may be advised to go in, but you do not have to follow that advice if you feel that for you and your family given your circumstances at the time you'd be better off at home. There's some info about on PPH at home and big babies at home that might be interesting.

Whether or not you have a birth partner (either DH, relative or friend) is a very personal decision. But if you would like a friend to be with you then please ask - I would be incredibly honoured if anyone ever asked me to be their birth partner, and being bored wouldn't even come into it! My DSis made a comment one time along the lines that most people want to show they care - but if we never ask for help we don't give them the opportunity to show how good a friend they are.

Could you afford a doula? As I understand it, trainees have their fees capped at £200 but will still have had a lot of training before going out to support births.

It cost me £16.50 to get my labour notes and there was 53 pages of it. (Even the woman at the hospital who printed them off for me said 'good grief!' and said that labour notes weren't often over about 20 pages.) An NHS HCP should be able to request your notes for free for their use as part of your routine care.

I had a list of friends and neighbours who were available daytime only, nighttime only, and certain days only. We then spent lots and lots of time with dd making it all exciting for her that we wouldn't know when the baby was going to come out, it would be a surprise, but when the baby told me he wanted to come out she would go for a sleepover at a friend's house and I would go to hospital for the baby to come out. I packed my hospital bag with clothes and snacks, and we packed her a sleepover bag with pjs and toys and sweets, with a Usborne New Baby sticker book in it. She was very accepting of this, and what happened was she was collected by my best friend at about 3am, and was back home by 8am. She was almost disappointed she didn't have chance to have a longer stay with my friend, and never got to do the sticker book!

It's never too soon to start getting a child ready for the idea they are going to have to share you with a sibling from now on.

Thanks for the great advice!

Will go back and look at the email from Whipps and see if I can find out a bit more about the fee. We are now in Yorkshire so a bit tricky (but not impossible) to get to London for the day.

I am quite an anxious person so it's nuts really to consider going it alone. I just can't think who to ask. Will look into doulas but feel guilty spending £200 on self!

I have never left ds (2.6) so that's why I feel uneasy about doing it - especially as we move house 4 weeks before baby is due. I just feel his whole world is about to be turned upside down and want to keep things as normal as possible. Hmmm.

Thanks for the links - will check them out now.

They should send the notes to you and if you mention it is pregnancy related they should send them asap. Don't feel guilty about spending money on yourself, if you have it. You go through a lot when you are pregnant and it ends in you going through a lot more! look after yourself, feel happy in yourself, and you will be a much more relaxed person when the crunch comes.

I would definitely cOnsider hiring a Doula to support you, some trainees will be happy to charge less than £200 I'm sure. If you look on Find a Doula on DoulaUK, you can find some local ones to contact.

Wishing you a happy & healthy pregnancy & birth. X

Stottie, I totally understand that you are anxious about the amount of change your DS is going through. However, children are hugely resilient. And you have needs too. I think you may have to give them a bit more priority. Being on your own in a hospital such as , say, Leeds General Infirmary, would not be good. Tthe staff are spread too thin to support you.

Let people help, either with DS or by being with you. No friend would question your need - or be bored - at such a time. People like to be involved in the everyday miracle of childbirth. And £200 for a doula trainee sounds like a bargain if you can stretch to it!

I would have really struggle to do it alone. Really really. Midwives in and out, pain management, problems, etc I don't know, I would do everything possible to avoid going through childbirth without a birth partner, friend, or husband.

How old is your DS? Where do you live? I'm not far off Whipps and would be happy to help. I have two DSs (one born at Whipps, one at Newham) and I am training to be a registered childminder (and have CRB check). Let me know. J x

Sorry I haven't been back earlier...

Oh dear. I'm going to have to have a big think about this. Perhaps I could ask someone. But who??

Blueberry - you are so kind to offer to help! We are actually in Harrogate (yorkshire) I had ds at Whipps in 2008 and moved back a couple of years ago.

Will check out the doula website too.

Thanks again for your messages x

Harrogate is a lovely hospital. I had DC4 under their care, although I had a homebirth.

Best of luck.

If you're on your own, don't get in the pool. DP had to keep hoisting me out as I fell asleep in the warm water!

I'd think about introducing your DS to a childminder for odd days now, so you'll have someone he knows to look after him while you give birth, and your DH can be with you. If the childminder is Ofsted listed you can possibly claim back some of the cost in tax credits.

ask if the hospital has any student midwives that need perosnal cases?
When i was a student m/w we had to look after a minimum of 5 women and follow their care throughout, attending all appointments and classes etc and including being on call for the delivery, we were expected to deliver the baby if possible as well.
i'm not sure how many months you are but even in the later stages its still worthwhile experience for the student and a good oppurtunity for you to build a relationship with the student and have continuous care with the back up of fully qualified hcp. The student will be at least at the end of her second year and usually in her third year, so at a point where she should have full knowledge and have delivered a fair few babies herself already.

OP - not sure about the hospital notes thing but I wanted to tell you that my sister (so I know slightly different) asked me to be her birth partner quite late on in her pregnancy and I was over the moon to be asked. The fact that a woman can ask you to be part of something so amazing is the most incredible feeling and experience. I hadn't had children (am pregnant with my first now!) when I was there for her and although it opened my eyes it just confirmed to me what a phenomenal thing labour and birth is. Please don't feel that you would be putting on someone - pick a close, reliable friend/ relative who you know will be sensible and not get upset when you need them to be strong and ask them to be there with you if your DH cannot be. I can't tell you what a gift you would be giving them. Seeing my neice born was indescribable.

hiya OP I gave birth to my ds3 alone for the exact same reasons, and would do it again, the midwife was fantastic, and to be honest it was easier as I was able to concentrate on the baby and I rather than worrying about the dc at home, or how my dh was coping, I was at home before the dc got back from school, would do it again

More messages! Thanks so much!!

Well have decided to ask my very best friend who lives in London to support me. She offered a few weeks ago and I told her I would be fine as I didn't want her to come rushing up here and disrupting her life. She is an extremely fabulous woman and a mother of 3 herself. I know it might not happen as I might not get much notice but it is comforting to think I have a bit of a plan and she might be there.

gkys- your post is very reassuring - thank you.

Thefantasticfixit- what a fantastic experience! wishing you all the best with your pregnancy and birth

I gave birth without DH in attendance at Leeds General Infirmary and it was a positive experience. I stayed on the delivery suite until DH picked us up to go home and having that time alone with DS and not being on the ward was lovely! I've never heard a bad word about Harrogate hospital, DH actually used to work there.

If you are going to be on your own, don't worry. You'll be looked after. But why not ask your friends if they are available to help?

I had my 1st child in harrogate hospital, and worked there for 5 years, loively hospital!

I've now moved to outside London, seems we have swapped, I'm having another baby down here next month and am facing the same dilema as you, as all fam and friends are in and around harrogate!!