Giving Birth: Will they listen to me?

[Switz]

Hi

I?m due my first in Oct and have been reading about birthing experiences where Mums wish they had pushed more for something whether it be a senior midwife?s opinion, a scan to show which way baby was lying, to be induced, etc etc because it ultimately would have meant a better birth than what actually transpired. Having never given birth I would naturally be listening and probably following a professionals opinion as in theory (and in RL I suppose!) they know far more than me.
My question is this; if you have a feeling something is not as it ought to be how do you know when to demand a second opinion or an investigation into whatever it may be? Even if you do request / demand something how can you avoid getting fobbed off by a midwife who assumes that as a first timer you?re probably just panicking over what is in fact perfectly normal? I?m not particularly assertive and am worried about not being listened to if I feel something isn?t right, after all, I?ve never done it before how do I know what is wrong and what is just normal?

As a first timer (or second, third etc) were you ever listened to and had it acted on if you asked for something which they didn?t think was necessary at the time?

Hope that's not too many questions!

I think that the thing is, so many of us who say "next time around Im going to do x y or z" are acting with the benefit of wonderful hindsight. Its very easy in retrospect to know what you should have done, and if you face that same situation again, what you will do next time.

But if you really do have a feeling that you dont trust your health care provider's judgement, you just ask for a second opinion, and keep asking until you get it. Which will may be hard for you, but thats where your birth partner can help.

Try not to worry :)

In my experience, yes. I gave birth in an extremely busy teaching hospital at the busiest time of year (late August - 9 months after Christmas!! ) on the busiest night they'd ever had (according to midwife supervisor!), the midwives were very overworked, but every single one of them read my (very long, detailed) birth plan and took note of what I had asked for. It wasn't the birth I had planned at all (had planned home water birth with candles etc., ended up in hospital wired up to monitors and drip!) but it was still a positive experience because everyone took the time to listen to me.

Not sure if this answers your question, but I think it's good to hear positive stories about medical staff as well as negative ones.

You can always get a second opinion through your pregnancy and birth, you just need to know who to ask. If you disagree with your midwife through any part of the process ask for a second opinion. During pregnancy go to the Head/Supervisor of Midwifery at the Hospital. During the birth ask to speak to the midwife in charge on the ward. It is your partners role to do this in hospital, not you!

You will be fobbed off at times but remember that you have the right to a second opinion. Ask nicely but firmly.

Good luck, and enjoy your pregnancy.

Every now and then someone will start a 'tell me about your nice birth' thread.

you should look them up :)

hindsight made me think, I would have done XYZ.

In reality, the staff did their very best for me, and were attentive and kind. They know more about birth than any one of us, so I think that I'd be better off listening to them.

I couldn't really have changed anything at the time, because no matter how experienced you are, it's hard to sound competent to make a decision when you are trying to get a baby out.

If you are worried about something specific, ask lots of questions. Also write stuff down in your plan.

I didn't have plans. I think that being flexible about things made me more relaxed.

Good luck :)

If you feel something isn't right, or just doesn't sit well with you, some good advice I got was to ask:

• What happens if we do what you suggest?
• What happens if we do not do what you suggest?
• What are the alternatives?
• What about putting the decision off for 10mins / 30 mins (etc?)

Although they are professionals, you know your body best. You do not have to be particularly pushy or agressive, but can keep repeating yourself in a calm way.

I have to say, although theres things I will say if I face the same situations in my second labour, I was never fobbed off by my midwives or anyone else in my first labour. I just didnt ask questions/request things that I wish I had in retrospect.

Make sure your birth partner is fully up to speed with what you want! I was adamant about a couple of points of my birth plan, and he knew which parts I was willing to be flexible with and which parts I felt strongly about. 1 example was assisted delivery - I wanted every other option to be exhausted before ventous or forceps were used, including c section being preferable. My dh knew this and when I was told they were going to use forceps he was happy to ask why, discuss other options and make the decision for me as I was in no fit state to decide anything! (as it happened, he asked for me to keep trying to push a bit longer and I managed to do it without assistance).

Hiya.
If you're really worried about not being listened to, I would advise taking an older woman with you who has given birth a couple of times or more. This could be your mother, sister or an older friend. Or even a doula.
Get her up to speed in advance with your ideals and your preferences and the reasons for them. Make sure she's on the same page as you are when it comes to birth ideology.
She will not be as emotionally invested in the process as your partner and will be able to keep level headed. She will also not be dismissed as an ignorant first timer or condescended to in the same way as you or your partner might be.
I asked an older friend (in her 40s, two children) to come to my birth and she was absolutely brilliant. I started having contractions during the bad snow in Dec 09 and was told categorically "no homebirth service". I was so upset! My friend rang back and explained our situation and they agreed if we really wanted to stay at home they could send someone out to us. Fortunately it was a false alarm but after that she did all liaison with the hospital/midwives and I had a brilliant hands off birth exactly as I wanted.

Just wanted to agree with some of the other posters. Lots of women do have 'nice' births in hospital even when they don't go to plan. My first DD was meconium and I ended up hooked up to a heart rate monitor (instead of relaxing in a nice big bath). It was also August and the delivery suite was packed... and I was worried that they would simply whizz me off for a C-section. BUT I had a brilliant midwife who did listen, didn't leave me and I did have my natural birth. She kept moving the equipment around as I moved position and I managed to keep going with gas and air. I didn't plan on having an episiotomy either but it ended up being the best decision. DC2 was a waterbirth and much easier . Fingers-crossed for number 3 in August.

I had a fantastic birth five weeks ago. My midwife read my birth plan and did her best to follow it.

However, when it came to the pushing stage, we initially disagreed about what position I should be in. The midwife wanted me to (continue to) lie on my back as she could hear the baby's heartbeat clearly.

I wanted to try kneeling so I could use gravity.

We disagreed for a few moments and my partner was kind-of stuck in between like a tennis referee. In the end, I said "okay, how about we just TRY with me kneeling? And if you can't hear the heartbeat we'll try something else?" and she was happy with this.

And yes, she found the heartbeat and everything was fine!

My advice would be:

• do plenty of research beforehand
• ensure your birth partner understands your wishes/concerns
• follow your instincts
• be friendly with the midwives and hospital staff. They've probably had a long day. It does help to say please and thankyou (or, if you're too busy/shouty/otherwise engaged, for your birth partner to be polite instead!)
• try to think of you and the staff as a team

Just wanna let you know that my recent birth was painful (obviously) but also very exciting and positive :) I honestly have fond memories of it!

I didn't have a great birth experience, but I was certainly listened to. My birth plan was followed as far as possible, but perhaps some of the things on it were a bit . Why I was being induced and attempting to use a TENS machine, I will never know, but it was my idea. By the end the MW was doing her very best to follow my birth plan and even seemed to throw in some of the nice bits of other peoples (like asking DH to go and find out if we had a girl or a boy, which wasn't in our plan, but wasn't not in our plan IYSWIM). The point where I would have liked a second opinion was when I was being stitched up, but again with the benefit of even more hindsight I was bleeding a lot and waiting for someone else to have a look wouldn't have been a good idea. Also when interventions came, I was in too much pain to be having a rational discussion about options and alternatives, so I really ended up trusting in the professionals around me, who were all in agreement on the most appropriate action (and this agreement is reassuring in itself). The focus in maternity care seems to be in patient choice and control as far as possible.

In terms of asking for second opinions, I have done this subsequently and it can be hard if they are busy (though I was asking in a non-urgent context). When they were reluctant to find a consultant to give a second opinion we fully explained our reasoning for wanting one and suddenly it became possible.

I would strongly recommend that you have someone who is confident to act as an advocate for you.

I think the answer for your questions are pretty simple,TRUST YOUR INSTINTCS.
If you feel like something its going in a way thats not confortable for you,or its not what houw you planed it
66to be ,make sure you say it,and repeat untill you heard if needed.
I personaly had a wonderful experience, was only 21 when i gave birth to my boy, i was induced,(14days overdue),had choosen my playlist for the birth,had also my husband by my side,giving me massage on my back,After too many strong painfull contractions i asked for Epidural, wich i had refused and sign not to have,(remember you are alowed to change our mind). After the epidural, i was asleep for 3 hours waiting to dilate the 10cm, had no pain ..was calm quiet, had my headphones..lights off and everyone just woke up, when was time to push..40 min later i had my boy on my arms..No stiches,No tear..a week later i was already working.
Sorry about the long ext just wanted to let you know how it was for me,it could be the same for you or maybe diferent,you just have to trust ur body..and your instincts. We women are made to give birth,there is a point where you focus and everything goes fine..

Good luck.xxx