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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

what really is labour...

33 replies

strgee · 08/05/2011 23:13

I've never posted on the internet in this way, but since it does seem a good way of spreading information, I would like to spread some information that I know from experience really really helps women when it comes to having their babies. I have been a doula (birth companion) for many years now and what seems to be key to the short and easy births that mostly take place, is that the 'mums' really and properly understand what real labour is. Despite what the books and NCT tell you, strong and regular contractions do not labour make...again and again I hear about experiences where women are quite happy to ignore what's happening and do life as normal all the while the contractions are 5 mins apart, but the moment it accelerates to one every three minutes and they drop to their knees, they rush off to hospital only to find they are not dilating, not in labour, and now of course, feeling very defeated and demoralised. In fact, a first-time woman in labour would need to be having that level of contractions for quite a few hours (labour wards do tell people this but mostly it's ignored), to be utterly focussed while resting as well as working, (as in if hub tried to talk to you, you would look confused and properly tell him to bugger off) and as well as that, have a sense of pressure in your backside, like wanting to go to the loo. Finally, you would most likely be making quite a lot of noise (though not always). If you wait at home, where you are comfortable and safe and relaxed until all these things are happening, 1) you are very much more likely to be coping well and 2) pretty likely to be in labour. And it's when women arrive in good, established labour that they just fly on through and have a baby in their arms in a few hours. So remember, anything other than the above is incredibly unlikely to be labour and shouldn't even be described as that - taking this it is/ or it isn't approach, really helps women to maintain stamina, the right positive mindset, to conserve energy and focus....etc etc. Any questions, come right back to me, and if anyone is able to benefit from this, would love to hear from you...

OP posts:
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4pudding · 09/05/2011 05:16

Would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs!

Original poster
strgee · 09/05/2011 08:02

oh dear yes sorry, it was very late at night - apologies!

OP posts:
FirstVix · 09/05/2011 11:03

Weellll... you could help me here.. (maybe TMI people, sorry)

Since Friday at about 9pm I have been having incredibly painful BH/Contractions. These were every 40 mins fri night waking me up each time then they eased off a bit saturday. Saturday night I was being woken up every 20mins or so and was a bit more moany (in more pain) but again it eased off when I woke and I could cope.

Last night they were coming every 10 mins or so and I started taking paracetamol to help with the pain as they hurt a lot when they come. I was advised to sleep if I could, which I did but VERY broken sleep as I was waking up lots again. This morning they're still about every 10 mins but more manageable.

I had a large bloody show on Sat and a large non-bloody show last night (very definitely not normal discharge!). I also started feeling pain like I had had a massive poo in my bottom last night so I have that now too (going to the toilet is fun!).

So, have I started latent phase? Is this likely to go on for a while? Am I just a wuss and can't cope with normal pain?? I didn't expect from everything I read to have this long and painful a build up to established labour.

Sorry if it's garbled - not at my best at the mo.

FirstVix · 09/05/2011 11:03

Oh and I'm 41 weeks today

GothMummy · 09/05/2011 11:26

but my contractions were never that regular, stopped for a while right before I gave birth, were all over the place timing wise, 7 mins, 5 mins, 210 mins, 3 mins, 2 mins, got intense, then tailed off for some hours etc. I was conversing (about UNISON campaigns and changes to midwive's contracts!) with husband and midwife coherantly in between contractions and didnt make any strange noises. However i was VERY distressed during some of the contractions, and then my baby was born. If I had waited till contractions were regular/3 mins apart before calling my midwife (homebirth) I would have never called her!

barelyutterly · 09/05/2011 13:23

It seems to me that instead of saying "labour is this, not that" or "labour is that, not this" it would be more empowering to women and more useful all around if the underlying attitude was "know yourself, trust yourself, focus on what your body needs, don't worry about arbitrary numbers and times and what the books all say, do what comes to you naturally and if you feel you're in trouble, ask for help".

Sorry strgee but your post comes across just as patronising as when the midwife says "you can't be in labour, you're not screaming enough" or the cons says "if you can't get to 10cm in the next 30 min we're doing a c-section". Everyone is different, so making people feel like they have to adhere to a specific path to give birth is the opposite of empowering. Maybe you didn't mean to come across this way, but as a doula you should know better!

Disclaimer: I've never been in labour (though hopefully will be in the next few weeks). But if I had you standing over me saying "these 3-min contractions will go on for hours you know" and "you're not making enough noise" or "you're too lucid and coherent for this to be the real thing" I'd tell you where you could stick it. Grin

Sorry but your post struck a nerve with me. It's hard enough to give birth as it is without a self-described advocate (which is what a doula is) making it sound so clinical. Who are you to say how it has to be?

GothMummy · 09/05/2011 13:48

I agree with you, BarelyUtterley! I hope you have a good labour in a few weeks time. Im due with my second in 6 weeks :)

The OP seems to be implying that all labours are the same, which clearly they are not. I, for instance, had a very loooong stop start labour with irregular contractions and this weird "go slow" bit in the middle which worried the midwives greatly but then had virtually no pushing stage - he just shot out! As I understand that its very painful to push a baby out for over an hour (though it wasnt for me) Im glad I had my stop start confusing labour!

LaWeasel · 09/05/2011 14:30

I think you are being a bit simplistic.

We all know women who have had very short labours even on first babies.

I was not the shortest, but had DD in 8 1/2hours. My contractions started at every 3 minutes and I went straight to hospital because I wasn't coping with the pain.

It was a good job I did because DD was born not long later (with a 22 minute 'proper labour' section) and I had planned for a hospital birth.

If women WANT to go hospital, and a lot of women do then they should go. If it's really not time then a medically trained MW can tell them so.

frakyouveryverymuch · 09/05/2011 14:45

The other thing to remember is that labour isn't continous and it can stall, as mine did for 4 hours when I got to hospital, but once it got going again it was bloody fast and I went from about 2cm to nearly fully dilated in about 2 hours. I wouldn't have cope with transition at home with no backup and the urge to push arrived so suddenly and out of the blue that if I hadn't been in hospital I don't think we'd have made it in time.

Overall I'm glad I listened to my body and went when I did. The magic '3 minutes' wouldn't have worked for me and if I'd hung on DS would probably have arrived at home or possibly in the car! I went when I was sure that it was happening.

Original poster
strgee · 09/05/2011 15:12

Ok, first of all, I am sorry if it came across as patronising. I truly didn't mean it so....I also am very far from prescriptive when it comes to supporting women in labour. But I can see how that might have sounded so from what I wrote - apologies again.

Please understand that I am not saying at all, stick it out and if you can't, you're a wuss...dear God no.

It is true that labours vary, but actually by and large the stalling that some of you have mentioned comes from disturbance - when a woman is woken up and out of labour and her brain kicks into gear,(which obviously often happens having to deal with different environment/people etc) the hormone driving it all, oxytocin plummets and contractions slow and weaken.

What I mean by staying at home is simply that for the vast majority it very much emboldens and empowers as the woman in labour starts to realise what she's feeling is not the mystery the medical system presents it to be.

I cannot tell you the confidence you see when women have the chance to find their feet at home - there's just so much more chance of giving your body what it needs, which is privacy, safety, the chance to focus...please don't think I mean this is some rule. I just know from when I'm with women, or they phone me to ask, that being given the reassurance that you don't need to go until there's been a good strong rhythm for a few hours just helps, firstly because it's harder to slow the labour down then and secondly because they just feel so much more in control and genuinely in the know, because they can FEEL the progress for themselves.

Firstvix, someone above said not to label where you are, and I couldn't agree more. That was my point. don't worry about pre-labour or latent labour etc - I'm afraid yes the point is you aren't in labour yet but just to hear that probably feels a bit depressing. What you need is someone to comfort you, get you cosy, a hot water bottle and a nice tea(mum, friend, sister?). Some reassuring words to cheer you up. I find long slow starts often can work out really well if you don't let it get you down - and there's every chance it will stop for a bit altogether so that you can have a rest. Certainly tonight I would have a nice bath, a meal, get in bed, and be propped up by lots of pillows...sprinkle a few drops of lavender on to a big handkerchief and breathe it in deeply when the contraction starts, as this will really take the edge off, and give you something to focus on.

It's all going to be fine, you see...

OP posts:
frakyouveryverymuch · 09/05/2011 15:33

To be honest my labour was pretty much always going to stall when I went it - and by stalling I mean no further dilation despite continuing contractions of the same frequency, intensity and duration - I'm happier it happened sooner rather than later!

Women should go to hospital when they feel ready, not when a textbook or anything/anyone else tells them to, which is probably all you're saying but IMO saying that you need to have strong, regular contractions for hours is setting up false expectations, because labour isn't like that. Women don't dilate at a perfect rate of 1cm/hour or whatever the rule is. Not all women experience a slow start to labour. Not all women have regular contractions. Not all women are incapable of talking during/between contractions (I have a very amusing anecdote about a friend who was so compos mentis during labour that her statement 'I think that was the head' took everyone by surprise). Not all women are comfortable and relaxed at home - especially if they have any concerns about the position of the baby or if the maternity unit is likely to be full or they want to bag the birthing pool!

newyearsday · 09/05/2011 15:55

I agree with BarleyUtterley and LaWeasel.

I'm 40+1 with DC1 and I've been having sessions of contractions (incl. the pressure in my bum and the urge to poo!) that tail off after 2-4 hours since a week last Friday but I'm not panicking and calling my MW or hospital. I'll contact them when I or DH need advice or help, that's what they're there for!

Everyone's got a labour story to tell, this is my journey and I know there's a long way to go but one thing I've learnt so far is there is no textbook labour.

Backinthebox · 09/05/2011 17:53

I have to say if I had followed the OP's advice to stay at home I would have been dead with baby 1 and assuming I did survive I would have had baby 2 in the corner of the bedroom at home. (Oh, silly me! I did have baby 2 in the corner of the bedroom at home!)

Every labour is different, and the single most useful thing I have found is one-to-one care during labour by a HCP who knows you and has seen you throughout your pregnancy. Even they cannot diagnose effectively what stage of labour you are at over the internet.

StarlightMcKenzie · 09/05/2011 18:02

What if you stay at home until you just can't stand it any more and want to die and you arrive at hospital to be told that you are 2cm?

That is what happened to me. I'd stayed at home way past my comfort zone and my dh had me screaming in his ear for the whole 30min drive.

I think the majority of women do stay at home for as long as they can.

nunnie · 09/05/2011 18:09

I didn't have strong contractions just major trots with my 1st, and if I had taken your advice I would have birthed at home, as I arrived at hospital 5cms and pushing within 15 minutes of getting there. With my 2nd I arrived pushing as my contractions weren't regular or painful as such, but I knew.

So please remember not all labours are the same and sometimes it is better to be safe than sorry.

emsyj · 09/05/2011 18:25

I could not disagree more with the parts of the OP's posts that actually make any sense (much of it i just cannot follow at all, very odd). My first (and so far, only) labour went from zero contractions to fully dilated in little over four hours. My contractions had no pattern at all and seemed to me to be constant, with varying lengths of peaks.

The labour ward discouraged me from going in because I could talk calmly on the phone and it had not been going on long enough etc. I went in anyway to be greeted with tuts and eye rolls (having been in earlier that evening with broken waters - oh yeah, they also told me my waters hadn't broken, but later admitted that I had been right and they hadgone after all).

On arrival at hospital I was 9cm dilated and DD was seriously distressed. I ended up being wheeled, fully dilated, into theatre for a c-section under GA. If I had listened to crap like your 'helpful' posts DD would be dead. How dare you presume to know what all or even most women are like when in labour?

Your OP has made me very angry indeed.

emsyj · 09/05/2011 18:37

Actually I am so concerned at your ridiculous advice (which I assume you are NOT medically qualified to give, since you describe yourself as a doula) that I have reported this thread.

LaWeasel · 09/05/2011 18:40

FirstVix - I hope you are keeping in touch with your MWs and asking their opinion.

If you feel like you want to go to hospital (and plan to give birth there) just go. They will at least check you out and tell you what stage you're at before sending you home if necessary.

barelyutterly · 09/05/2011 19:10

It's all going to be fine, you see...

See there you go again, being all patronising. Whether you intended to or not. Sad

Your follow-up post wasn't as bad as the first, but even so you should give up posting about this now, while you still have some shred of respect here. Seriously, you are not sellling yourself as a doula at all.

Jaycey2001 · 09/05/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

FirstVix · 09/05/2011 22:03

Yeah - now this is also fun..

I had a community midwife appointment so went there. She examined me and said I was 7cm dilated and other things, phoned the hospital and arranged for me to go in.

I went in and the midwife there was surprised that I was as dilated as said from my general demeanour and asked if she could re-examine me. This time I'm apparently 1cm dilated, not in established labour and was advised to go home if I'd feel better there as from history above it could be AGES yet.

So, I'm back home and still waiting. And no less confused really!

GothMummy · 10/05/2011 10:18

FirstVix - have you rung your community midwife and told her what the hospital found? Im amazed that their opinion can vary so much between 1cm and 7cm. You must be so fed up. Go back to hospital if you are worried.

WalterFlipschicks · 10/05/2011 10:34

Oh my god Firstvix, how could they possibly get it so wrong (one of them!) that is a hell of a difference of opinion, how are you feeling?

I hope things get going for you and agree with GothMummy, go back to the hospital if you are worried :)

bronze · 10/05/2011 10:42

On the april thread I was ona couple of years ago there are a couple of posts, not by me but by someone I texted.
one said
"BRONZE UPDATE - going nowhere fast, fully dilated but the contractions have completely stopped" at 13:58:27 (she must have posted it soon after it was sent as she had posted otherstuff inbetween so was online)
The next said
"BRONZE UPDATE!!!!! Born 2.03"

Luckily I knew my own body eh and didn't go by arbitary numbers

Good luck FV

FirstVix · 10/05/2011 12:06

Thanks all.

I will have to phone the community midwife as I expect according to them I no longer need monitoring and have no further appointments!
Assuming the hospital hasn't called already.

It was mostly annoying as I thought 'phew lots done' and then that became 'oh crap, all still to go'!!

Still contracting, very painfully yesterday every 10 mins then overnight, they've eased off and although still contracting it feels lower down and a lot less painful. Have currently gone through 2 sets of batteries on the TENS machine that the hospital hired to me - they don't last as long as I do apparently!

Luckily for me my partner's off until I give birth (if I do!) so I'm not worried about getting to the hospital whenever. To be honest, I feel much better at home as there's more I can do to keep occupied. Hey ho, this is life!