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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

MIL thinks that I should be in hospital on my own

11 replies

happywheezer · 04/05/2011 17:37

My husband works for Ryanair (don't shoot us) but as with everything they do it's complcated. Ryanir doesn't actually employ some of it's workers, they contract the work out a specific company ( which I think they own), so their workers are effectively self employed.

If my husband doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. Ryanair think nothing of paternity pay, because you are self employed.

I'm due to have DS2 a week today by ELCS.

My mother in law think that my husband should go back to work and leave me in hospital, as they are for women anyway.

Having had DS1, I found the time between husband leaving and arriving the next day, the lonelist experience and watched the clock go around.
Also, I live away from family, my mum is looking after DS whilst we are in hospital and probably won't have anybody come to visit.

My MIL thinks that she can visit the day I get out of hospital as she is coming this way for a holiday.She is not!

But I sort of agree with her about the visiting. We would lose maybe a £1000 by husband not going into work and that's alot of money when you have a new baby.
So wwyd and What do you think? Could you be in hospital on your own?

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nikki1978 · 04/05/2011 17:39

Hmm your MIL probably has the old fashioned opinion of men not going in the delivery room though. How do you and DH feel about him missing the birth of your child? If it is too upsetting then you can't really put a value on it can you? My DH would have said sod the money but it depends on how you both feel....

nunnie · 04/05/2011 18:02

My DH is the same he is a self employed contractor and doesn't get holiday pay etc. With my 1st he was off a week, with my 2nd the plan was he would be off till I came home (mainly due to childcare of 1st) but my 2nd was born 4 weeks early and by EMCS so he didn't feel he could just return to work he I came home on the Tuesday and he returned to work the following Monday.

I am pregnant again and he wants to do the full week again, so we have decided we will only do one holiday this year (on the 23rd of this month) so he doesn't have to take any other time off, including scans and appointments just to save on his loses.

It isn't your MIL decision to make so don't feel bad if you want him there, to be honest he most likely wants to be there himself.

shushpenfold · 04/05/2011 18:05

I probably would have had mine on my own if this had been my DH (with the 2nd and 3rd) however, this is your decision and nowt to do with your MIL.

nannyl · 04/05/2011 20:00

Agree its up to you and DH what you do.... if you can afford to loose that £ then between you and DH.
Nothing at all to do with MIL

(so thats how they are SOOOO cheap, dont even pay their staff any holiday / mat / pat pay then? or sick pay too i guess? )

PrincessScrumpy · 04/05/2011 20:04

Definitely between you and dh. I know I felt lonely in hospital with dd1 but this time I'm having twins and there's the chance they could be prem and so in scbu for a while. If they are stable, dh will go to work and save his paternity for when we get home as I'll need the extra hands! Of course, if they are very poorly, dh will not go to work - his office is an hour away.

Could a friend come and visit?

Finallygotaroundtoit · 04/05/2011 20:47

Personally, I would prefer DH to have time off when I came home

Chynah · 04/05/2011 22:07

My husband went back to work whilst I was in hospital after both my ELCS - was muchbicer for him and me to have the time together when I was home rather than wasting it on visiting hours only. I had books, magazines, chocolate, internet and a newborn to entertain me - didn't really miss him too much :)

Original poster

happywheezer · 04/05/2011 22:26

Yes nannyl, I'm not sure that's why Ryanair are so cheap but no mat/pat pay,no holiday pay, have to have a month off unpaid due to irish work permits and no sick pay!

OP posts:

Tommy · 04/05/2011 22:29

I wasi n hospital for a week after DS3 was born. DH couldn't come in alot because of the older DSs.
I made friends with the woman opposite and chatted to her mostly

I agree, it's between you and your DH to sort it out but, likewise, I would prefer to have him around when I was back home

ShoutyHamster · 05/05/2011 10:39

Hmm, difficult decision. You could grit your teeth and think, it's ONLY x number of hours, and have him with you more when you're out of hospital. I'ts a lot of money. What does he want to do though?

The two of you should just talk it through and go with your instinct.

Note I said the TWO of you... because your MIL's opinion is entirely irrelevant to the whole thing. Tell her, or better get your DH to tell her firmly to keep her beak out - it's a PERSONAL decision, and quite a sensitive one. Nowt to do with her. Maybe he could also point out that the fewer unsolicited opinions she provides, the more likely you are to find her less exhausting company when you're recovering from a section!

ChateauRouge · 05/05/2011 11:00

My DH is self employed. He has taken 2 weeks after each birth, and did quite a bit of part time work in the first few months each time.

That said, if your DS1 is being cared for, and DH will be at the birth, I don't see anything wrong with him not being around at the hospital after the birth, assuming all goes well.

My DH didn't really spend much time in the hospital with me and DC2 as he was caring for DC1. I went home after 48hrs anyway.

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