Recommendations (and hand holding) needed for DC2 after poor birth experience

[GruffaloMama]

DS was born by forceps after an induction at 38 weeks for gestational diabetes. The bad bits: back to back labour, 4 days on the delivery suite, only 14 hours of established labour but 3.5 hours of pushing, failing epidural, was catheterised for weeks, unsympathetic registrars etc. DS was also taken from me about 2 hours after his birth as his sugar levels were low and I was left strapped to a bed with a towel and instructions to clean myself up. (DS was with DH who insisted on bringing him back to me asap - I love that man!). DS had a problem with his neck which did result in months of physio for him too. All better now.

The good bits - lovely midwives (generally - only one who was a bit off), excellent post natal breastfeeding support and at least I didn't have to have a crash c-section.

Am now 28 weeks with DC2. This baby's head is smaller (DS's was huge) and so far no gestational diabetes (going for a second GTT tomorrow). If I can stay off insulin and baby remains normal-ish in size they have said that there is no reason to induce - they no longer induce as a rule for Gest Diabetes.

I have said I am willing to try a VB - though my GP would be supportive of a CS. I will not undergo an induction - given my earlier experience, if the recommendation is that the baby should be delivered early, then I will go for a CS.

So... Please can I have some recommendations for prep for a more positive birth experience this time? I've been looking at some Optimum Foetal Positioning exercises and have ordered Ina May's book (birth ball and this arrived today). I'm doing yoga - within limits - I have SPD. Any and all recommendations considered. Apologies for monster post and TIA...

Sorry for very short post, on my way out, will post more later.But have you considered a doula to support you?
doula.org.uk/

I would definitely second a doula. where do you live?

Hypnobirthing. I got a cd from ebay for £2.50 with free p&p and it was amazing, I delivered a 10lb 9oz baby in 3 hours 20 minutes face up with 2 stitches. Seriously if it doesn't work then you have spent £2.50 if it does work then you will be singing it's praises forever like me

Am in Cambridgeshire. Thanks for the link - mid bed time but will look into it later. I had had some thoughts about it but don't want to undermine my dh. Having an experienced doula is appealing (I love my mum but she couldn't be able to be supportive in the right way iyswim? And no sister/best mate has not had a baby.)

Will check out the hypnobirthing thing too - thanks sofluffy.

A second for hynobirthing - it could well help you deal with any anxiety you may have leading up to the birth, as well as being beneficial during the actual labour. I loved it and my DS3 had a massive head 37cms, which is 91st centile.

Yes, hypnobirthing / hypnotherapy - google hypnotherapists in your area and tell them you want to focus on pain relief and gentle birthing - best thing I ever did

Oh I hear you. I had a terrible time with dd. 2 day labour, back to back, 6hrs of pushing, epsiotomy, attempted ventouse, attempted manual rotation, emcs for deep transverse arrest, terrible postnatal stay. DD also had neck problems for months.

I'm 20wks with dc2 and absolutely bloody terrified. I don't want an elcs and to feel like a failure all over again. I also don't want to go into labour and the feelings from last time to come flooding back.

I've asked for a referral to a local psychologist who specialises in birth trauma but have no idea if it will help.

I did use hypnobirthing last time but I'm really struggling with not knowing what might happen and how to proceed. I all seems so much more daunting knowing that I have a 3yo who needs me not to fall apart this time round.

Lots of people do have a worry about their DH feeling left out, but honestly, when I work as a doula, I'm there for the Dad too, and work as a team with them to support their partner.
Its worth interviewing a couple with your patner, it doesn't hold you to anything, and sometimes you all just lick. A doula should be able to talk though how she would support you both and all the dad's I have worked with have been total converts afterwards.
A doula is also there to do all the little things that get forgotten, putting music on, making the environment chilled out, putting the champagne on ice, taking photos, emergency childcare, pool filling and emptying, tea making, cooking etc all sorts!
Let me know if you have any questions.
Some thoughts on my website from Dad's and a couple of women that had traumatic forceps births for their first.
www.magicalbirth.co.uk/6.html
S x

should say click not lick, sorry!

Hi Gruffalomama,

I could have virtually written this post myself, GD, induction, back to back, forceps - the main difference being that DC2 is now 2 weeks old :)

I had GD from booking in this time, but was lucky in the fact that I was able to be diet controlled, and as such they were willing to let me go to term. DC2 actually made an appearance 38+4 with a very quick spontaneous labour which resulted in her being delivered on the bathroom floor.

Although there is not a lot of point to my post, I just wanted to reassure you that things can be so different - my two labours were worlds appart.

Sending you un-mumsnetty hugs and lots of positive labour vibes!

Michael Odent's Birth Reborn really helped me. After a technically fine birth with DC1 which led to PTSD and hospital phobia for a number of reasons I had a wonderful birth with DC2. Have you considered a TENs machine? DD (1st child) was back to back and it really helped keep me calm, my confidence up and provided counter pressure to the contractions. DS was also back to back and it was enormously helpful again.
I was involved in a student's reseach project on 'pleasurable birth' after DC2 which is a collection of birthstories and analysis. I have the students permission to pass it around if you think that would help? Drop me a message through mumsnet if you are interested and I'll email it to you (and anyone else that is interested).

I bought the natal hypnotheraphy CDs which were great. I used one when we were trying to conceive and then one during pregnancy and then two for birth preparation and then in labour. I had had a horrible first pregnancy and labour and was really stressed about doing it again (48 hr labour, failed vontouse (sp?), forceps, lots of stitches, very large baby which was back to back), but the CDs were brilliant and I am convinced that they really worked - I had a much easier time this time round. www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk . The best thing is that you can do them at home/on train/in bed etc. Would really recommend them. I also had SPD and found that yoga/pilates hurt too much. My midwife recommended them and I really found they helped. I've since lent the CDs to a friend who also had a horrible first experience and she reckons they are helping her too.........

selina thanks for the info. Have looked up some local doulas and will see about possible interviews in the next couple of weeks. neverkisspigs sorry you've had such a rough time. Big hugs. I hope the referral helps.

sillysow congratulations! So glad you had a different experience but presume that the bathroom floor wasn't necessarily part of the birth plan... hope all is well and you are enjoying the newborn time. (i was in lovely tears the other day remembering the newborn smell they have.)

firkytoodle thanks I'll message you in a min. Ive been reading the positive birth stories in Ina May's book and they really do make a difference. I'll order the Odent book too.

ruth I'll check out those CDs now.

Thanks for the recommendations and the support. I'be just had a GTT so hopefully that will be okay and the midwife has confirmed that if it's okay (and baby not breach etc) I can go to the midwife led unit at the hospital. Would be much better as I'm actually much more nervous of the doctors.

Gruffalomama that is fantastic news that you should be able to use the MLU.

The bathroom floor was not the plan, but to be honest it really was a fantastic experience! I did get negative comments from the consultant when I was taken in, but none the less it all went very smoothly with a very happy and successful outcome x

Really wishing you the very best