What does labour feel like?

[NewMummy5July2011]

Hi
I'm 31 weeks with my first and now that my NCT classes have begun, I'm really starting to think more about the labour. I'm half terrified/half excited!

I am intersted in reading more about birth experiences generally, and finding out more what labour actually feels like. I really am hoping to give birth naturally (Tens and Gas and Air) but of course realise the pain may get too much and am open to more drug relief such as an epidural.

Can anyone explain what it felt like? The worst pain of your life or is it not as bad as that? I suppose I have moments of sheer panic where I think I won't be able to cope, and others where I feel very positive about the whole thing.

Any advice or thoughts would be really great.

Thank you. x

I really am hoping to give birth naturally (Tens and Gas and Air)
LOVE THIS naturally with gas lol

I'd go with blindmelon's last 2 paragraphs. Initially it was warm and reassuring, (well at least something is happening) and so bizaare, as it is really intense, and then gone all together to return in a while ! I had all back pain for 3 x home deliveries, I had no pain relief, as there was none available, but had it been, I would have at least entonox around transition, which was quite scary, partly because we were waiting for our midwife to arrive, (entirely my issue for not calling her until delivery was imminent.)

I thought a great deal about women around the world who give birth with little support available, and how lucky I was in my warm house with running water, and hospital down the road. The most memorably painful experience I had was stitching after DC2 with inadequate Local aneasthetic, it went on what felt like for ever, was very distressing, and the Dr kept saying, "oh, it must have worn off ..." Fortunately I had general aneasthetic for stitching after DC 1 & 3, don't be deterred from asking at whatever point is important for you. I had a fantastic midwife, who, as in the words of a friend made you feel like the cleverest girl in the world, for producing this amazing baby, which must all play a big contribution to us doing it all again .....

I would second mumintroll with the read up on what to do after having a baby.....cos then then real trouble starts...

Breezey- I also had a horrible "being stitched up" experience in hospital (I had a local aneasthetic and gas and air to suck on but it was horrific - much worse than the labour and went on for ages AND I had to keep still, whilst crying and gipping a student midwife's hand). The pain relief was entirely inadequate. My dentist wouldnt have put me through that!!

Im much more frightened of having that experience again in 6 weeks time.....do you know (or does anyone know??) if I can request a "spinal block" or even to be put under a GA for stitching next time? I had nightmares for the first year of my son's life about the stiching experience :(

Can anyone advise on vaginal exams - how necessary are they? Is it OK to refuse? How do I know if one is essential? I am expecting my first anytime now and I am quite anxious about this aspect because I don't want to experience major pain which is avoidable / unnecessary, but also I don't want to put my baby at risk.
Also - the stitching, which for some people seems so painful. Why is this, when local aneasthetic should be available? Is it that it sometimes doesn't work, or is it that they don't always get round to giving you aneasthetic?
Finally, why do they sometimes break your waters artificially? Is it OK to refuse this as well?

the stitching itself for me was fine, the local + gas&air worked. but since I had to sit still for that and with my legs up, my bum really started to hurt after a while. took the mw a while since I was cut and tore.

kent you can put such things into your birthplan, that you only want exams when absolutely neccessary and that you don*t want your waters broken. it can speed up labour or start it properly, but might have no effect at all.

AFAIK vaginal exams are used to check your progress to make sure you are dilated at a steady pace and nothing is wrong i.e. if you stay at 2 cm for 24 hours = problem. I wrote in my birthplan that I would only consent to a VE every three hours as long as there were no other concerns as I found them very painful. Also I found them quite discouraging as I dilate very slowly (both large back to back babies) and to be at 4cm for 3-4 hours put me under a lot of pressure to go to hospital for augmentation, plus it really destroyed my focus and made me anxious and worried rather than relaxed. In my second labour I was examined at 8pm and was found to be 6cm, but I dilated the last four centimetres in less than an hour and breathed DS out at 8.53pm. The midwives told me not to push even though the urge was unbearable as they went by the last VE measurement- they ended up being caught on the hop when DS's head appeared as my body just did it by itself.

Stitching with my first child was not particularly painful (second degree tear) as they gave me gas and air and I had a skilled and quick midwife. The second time was really uncomfortable (only a first degree tear this time) as the gas and air had run out and the midwife was really rough (she didnt want to be at a homebirth and made it abundantly clear she disapproved of me).

I understood they break your waters to try and speed things up, sometimes the bag can impede the progress of labour and be tough to break though. I had in my birthplan that they weren't to do this unless the baby was in distress or if I specifically requested it as I wanted to do it naturally. My midwife said it was OK to refuse unless you got a thorough explanation about why they wanted to do it. In both my labours my waters just popped and leaked slightly, they never gushed out and the waters etc came out at the same time as the baby or just before.

Firkytoodle - we had a similar experience then - back to back baby, took ages to get to 6cm then a rapid dilation to the pushing stage. My waters didnt break they went with the birth of DS's head. Its good to hear someone else had a similar experience, I thought I was a freak!!

My midwives said if I had been in hospital I would have had my waters broken to speed things up. I dont know WHY though. I was OK, DS was OK, why cant we be allowed to progress at our own pace?

One of my midwives was lovely but the other one was also obviously reluctant to be there and was unsupportive of my ability to birth at home and I really REALLY didnt like her. Meh. Im still bitter about that, I think my experience could have been a lot better with a supportive pro home birth midwife. Oh well.

Kentowl - I can only assume that sometimes they dont give you enough local aneasthetic. My advice, if that happens to you, is dont lie there crying trying to be a "good girl" like I did! Say "STOP THIS IS TOO MUCH!!" and be assertive. I will next time!

OP, I think the support you get in labour makes so much difference to your perception of pain.

KentOwl Vaginal exams (ve) are not compulsory and could be argued not to be neccessary. I think for the majority of women they are intrusive and not helpful.
I would argue only to have one when you are making a descision (for example, if you are birthing in hospital, but midwives suggest you are in early labour and should go home then a ve could show if you are in established labour or not (4cm dilated or more).
Also if you were having a homebirth, and you decided you couldn't cope anymore without pain relief and wanted to transfer in, then a ve could show you are near to giving birth or in transition (10cm dilated) so no time to transfer in.
Also if midwives are worried about abnormal bleeding or that baby is possibly breech or in distress, a ve could confirm babies position or if you are near to delivering.
But these scenario's should be explained to you and your consent gained, you could still say no if you felt you didn't want a ve.
Routine ve every 4 hours, is ime unneccesary, and does not tell you much, they use this measure to plot your progress on a graph (partogram) and to decide if action is neccessary (if you are too slow to dilate, not fitting the average pattern seen, you cross the action line, at this point they may suggerst more interventiomn, like breaking your waters or starting a drip to increase contractions). If your baby is posterior or in another presentation, dilation can be unequal (because the pressure of the head on the cervix is not even) so could stay at 5cm for many hours while the body is trying to get baby to rotate, the best thing to do is stay mobile and active (unless you are very tired). Breaking waters can make babies even more stuck as they then do not have a cushion of water to turn in, it also can lead to more distress as the pressure is greater on the babies head.
On the other hand, women can dilate very quickly, you could be 3cm at ve (so expecting at least 7 hours till you feel an urge to push) and be 10cm dilated half an hour later, this can make people try to minimise the sensations you are feeling and suggest you can't be as far on in labour as you think.
A ve can be asked for by midwives when you feel like you want to push, to check you are 10cm dilated (sometimes you get an early urge to push, or you have a lip of cervix that isnt fully dilated). This can be a pain, as some midwives dont feel confident to do a ve if a women is in any position other than lying on her back, if you are kneeling, standing or in a birth pool, this can be very disruptive.
It can also be argued that if you do have an early urge to push, or a lip that you could go with your body and push past the lip. So again, you do not have to agree to this ve.

Gothmummy As a doula I have seen stitches being done (and had some myself) that were very painful, I have seen others with no pain at all. I think the key is to make sure enough local is used and that doctors/midwives wait until it has fully taken effect before they start (I've seen this at the dentist too, mine sends you out for 10mins after the injection before doing a filling so it has time to work). There is no reason why it should be extremely painful and if it is, I would tell them to stop and give you more local. You could request a spinal if you were very worried.

S x

Firkytoodle if you stay at 2cm for 24hrs you are in early/pre labour, not active labour, so not a problem.
You could argue that after 3-4cm dilation that a long delay is a problem, but I would argue that as long as mother and baby are well, that there is no need to interfere and that baby needs yo totate etc to get into a better position.
S x

Selina Doula - your post makes a lot of sense regarding the turning babies and taking a long time to dilate - this is presumably what my baby was doing as he started out back to back.

Thanks for the reassurance about the stitches. Yes, my dentist sends us out to wait for the aneasthetic to take effect too! But they certainly didnt when doing my stitches. As I face another delivery in a few weeks time it makes me feel a calmer to hear another person experienced in deliveries say that it dosnt have to be that bad.

Selinadoula- yes you are right about early labour sorry, brain only half working this morning.

I guess I was thinking of being told that if you wanted a homebirth you had to go into hospital if you hadnt dilated more than 2 in 24 hours after waters breaking. I had to make a stand myself half way through labour as unhelpful midwife told me I HAD to go in as I hadnt dilated more than four in 14 hours and I had to take three or four phone calls in between contractions to be allowed to stay at home. Nothing wrong with me or the baby, no concerns, just unhelpful midwife not wanting to be there and hospital procedures stating how long it should take to dilate and how long I should be allowed to labour after waters breaking..

Gothmummy-good to hear I wasnt the only one with this experience. I was made to feel like the midwives knew best and even tried to hold on unsuccessfully for a few minutes which was awful. In my first labour my midwife made me hold on for 2 hours, but obviously my pelvic floor was looser the second time around .

Firkytoodle You are right, after waters breaking they would get antsy about baby not being born or in established labour after 24 hrs. NICE guidelines used to say 96 hours but they have changed this. I had one friend go in, have iv antibiotics and then go back home but most evidence seems to show that if you have no signs of infection (like a raised temperature) its safer to wait for labour to start.
S x

Firkytoodle - how on earth did you hold on for 2 hours whilst wanting to push...... you must have incredible fortitude.

There were a lot of phone calls in my labour between me, the midwives and the labour ward too :( Its hard trying to stand up for yourself, speak choherantly between contractions and argue against hospital procedure etc isnt it!

I agreed to go in to hospital when they couldnt find his heart beat, then my blood pressure shot up (what a suprise) and labour became unbearable but he was born so quickly after that, no wonder they couldnt find the heart beat, bet they were listening in the wrong place!

I dont know GothMummy, thats the bit that is a blur and actually I think caused my PTSD after my first birth. I remember screaming and begging and the midwife telling me I would injure myself if I pushed too soon as DD was back to back and giving me a shot of pethidine. She hadnt checked my notes which would ahve told her that I was at 10cm with a small cervical lip at my last VE half an hour earlier. In the end I just pushed, DD was born in two minutes, I went into shock (don't remember any of that bit or most of her first hours tbh) and ended up with a second degree tear and a dozy baby after the pethidine. After a perfect first part of labour-entered hospital at 8 centimetres, coping happily until that last hour, I felt really traumatised.

The phone calls with the second birth really slowed my contractions down because I was so frightened I'd have to go into hospital. It was only the fact that I had had a baby before and had delivered DD naturally and back to back that convinced them. There were no medical concerns, no fever, distress, bleeding etc just slow dilation and they were desperate to speed it up even though I was happy and coping. One of my best memories is putting my head up and calmly saying to the midwives (who were sitting drinking tea around the table) 'Err his head's just crowned, would someone like to come and catch him' and watching them scramble.

I did try and complain about the first midwife but was told I would be making a fuss, I had a healthy baby, get over it. But DS's birth again I would do in a heartbeat, even with all the midwife and hospital hassles. I could feel his head slowly descending down the birth canal, there was no pain at all even as I crowned and the elation was just astonishing, I felt like I could climb a mountain and I didnt stop smiling for weeks!

My midwives had to do a big scramble too as they were packing stuff away in their car when i yelled that i was holding a head ;) It sounds like both of our first labours could have been a LOT better with the right support.

I did get an apology about the grumpy midwife who didnt want to be there, not from her but from another member of the midwifery service. The apology, and acknowledgement that her attitude had made the experience more distressing for me really helped me emotionally to deal with it.

I have since learnt from friend's experiences that even the most high tech, intervention led birth can be a good experience, if the support is right, and thats the key thing really. If only we could all have Sheila Kitzinger there with us!!

I requested a general for stitching for DC 3 after unpleasant experience with local aneasthetic for No 2, they wanted to give me a spinal, (this was all discussed months before the event) , (although I was told I was being pessimistic to expect to tear again ...)I think good practice says a spinal is the preferred way if they are not going to do it under local, but I argued that if i'd had a home delivery I could be back home quicker after stitching under a general than a spinal, (and also take less time in bed etc...) and the risks would not be significant if I'd had a straightforward delivery. Luckily on the day I'd only had a cup of tea in the morning an the aneathetist was happy to do a GA, so I was only in hospital for an hour or so afterwards. I also argued that under local the doctor clearly hadn't been able to see what he was doing as he didn't do a great job of it. Reading this I realise that I was far more anxious about what happened after the birth than the birth itself. Of course what to do with a newborn is far more challenging, and those little eyes looking at you in the middle of the night, is so exciting and scary and new, the birth is just the start of that big adventure

For me it was like period pains, beginning mild, but gradually getting more painful over a few hours, no pain in my back at all. Ended up feeling as if someone was kicking me in the stomach near the end, and I made the same kind of guttural noises as someone being kicked in the stomach.

Have to say -I knew there was a reason why people don't talk about what labour is really like - i am feeling a bit traumatised by some of these stories - and I had have 2 babies and no plans for more!!
anyway stiches - I had a tear with my 2nd - and they were going to do a spinal -it was just a 3rd degree but I asked for local - and it was fine - didn't really hurt - I think the key is enough local and also ideally a skilled doctor - I had the (really lovely) consultant and midwives said he had done a brilliant job!!

I feel like exhausting is the best description for it. When in labour (and speaking to my friends afterwards) the most used descriptions were tiring and exhausted and relentless. Labour- meaning flippin hard work rather than really sore

Most people I have known having interventions have not described the interventions occurring because it was painful, they said the interventions (drugs forceps drips etc ) happened because they were too tired to go on.

On the plus side if you can think of it as a big work out and be prepared by gentle activity leading up to it, resting and having energy drinks and all of that it is in your control to do something about it whereas if you are given the impression that it is pain pain pain and you have no control then there is nothing to do about it yourself- a little less empowering !

afterwards though do as you would with any injured area- ice and painkillers

I agree, it's all very physical. The day after DDs birth I hurt. Of course the obvious bits hurt, but I had overwhelming sore thighs! It was from hours of bouncing on a gym ball.

I hypnobirthed and was in a birthing pool. DS1 came out under water, with no tearing or other problems :)

Having said that, I was in labour for 40 hours and it was the most pain I have ever been in (you said to be honest!!). The hypno really helped to deal with the contractions and also kept me very calm, at no point did my heart rate or blood pressure rise and once I was in the pool, the midwife just let me and my hubby get on with it! Very good service from our hospital :-) BUT not sure I would do it that way again. I think there are definite pro's of natural birth BUT it's not the be all and end all - having had a technically perfect "natural" birth, next time I would be more open to having pain relief if it was going to be so long. I think you just need to trust yourself and your partner and do what you feel is right. There isn't a wrong choice - so many women I know feel like they "failed" because they "gave in" and had an epidural and that's not right in my opinion. Birth f*ing hurts. You wouldn't have an operation without pain relief! It's different for everyone though - I know some women who didn't realise they were in labour until the bub was nearly out!! And one who had NO pain at all, but felt like she wanted to push and when the midwife checked, there was the head! I am sure whatever you chose you'll be fine - the main thing is a healthy baby at the end :) good luck and let us know how you got on!

i´ve come to this a bit late but Gothmummy I just had to say your post of 12.29 has just had me in stitches.

my labours were night and day. The first was induction (pitocin drip), non stop super strong contractions, epidural that didn´t work, epidural that did work, epi and stitches. I can´t describe the contractions, like nothing I´ve ever felt before. So much worse than I expected. but the epidural, once it worked, was fabulous.

The second was 50mins from entering hospital at 4cms to holding ds in my arms. It was INSANE. The contractions were painful but i handled them much better than in my 1st labour. They weren´t non stop and while i had one I just leant into dh with my neck in his shoulder and kind of moaned/ rocked until it passed. Then I could carry on walking/ whatever. I just held on to him really tightly and that helped a lot. When mw told me it was too late for an epidural I was horrified. I just kept saying to dh "i don´t want to do this I don´t want to do this i´m scared. it´s going to hurt." etc etc but you know your body knows what you have to do and you have no choice! agree pushing like downward vomiting, very odd, I found it very very powerful, like being possessed by a greater force. which i guess i was! Again dh was right next to me and I held on to him and had a real sense of him physically supporting me through it which was amazing. The crowning really burnt "stinging" doesn´t really do it justice. I thought I was going to rip right up through my clitoris, I really really did. I didn´t even tear.

I would NEVER have chosen a natural birth because I´ve always been a bit of a wimp for pain but having gone through it with no. 2 I can totally understand why you would want to. I felt AMAZING afterwards, I really did.

So 2 very different experiences and I have no idea what made the difference. With my second I had quite a few chiropractor sessions in the last month or so to straighten out my pelvis. I also had a couple of lymphatic drainage massages and a beautiful foot massage 2 days before the birth. So maybe i was just more aligned/relaxed. But whatever happens you WILL get through it, there is no point being scared, that baby has to come out! Even after my less than ideal first birth i wasn´t scared about no. 2, I was excited to see how it would go, it is an amazing life experience and once you are in it you just keeping going til you get through it, then you have your baby and are on cloud nine and would do it a million times over just to have that moment when they place them in your arms again.

My short answer is "not as bad as I thought it would!"