In today's independent - how to raise your chances of "natural birth"

[pupuce]

This must be the day ...
The independent and the BBC are featuring the role of women's birth partners.... it makes for interesting reading... maybe some of you will find it ebatable of course

I am biaised I know

Theres not alot I can add to whats already been written but I have to agree on the important role women have to play in supporting others in labour. However, it depends on the individual. In my first labour I asked my mum to be there incase my dh decided that he didn't want to be there. In the end I sent my mum out as she was in such a state you would have thought I was on my death bed. My dh then helped me through the last stages. With my second birth I insisted that only my dh would attend but when it all started my dh proved to be a waste of space and irritated not only me but the midwifes and his mum who then decided to stay with me throughout the birth. This enabled me to have the birth I wanted, just through her support, reasurrance and encouragement. I can't imagine how a doula (a stranger) could of helped me through labour but if you don't have any female support then I think a doula would be a fantastic alternative.

Blimey, if a bloke could get 'SERIOUSLY upset' by a newspaper headline, don't think he'd be much use at a birth anyway

Bekki - just to answer your question.... when you choose to have a doula - you get to know her (very) well before the birth! We meet face to face, we're on the phone or e-mail a lot! My "mums" call me at 4 AM !
I am regularely invited to dinner when they are pregnant! I was just invited to the christening of one "my" last babies. Some of the mums stay in regular contact after the birth too!
The reason doulas are "so" successful at getting women to get through labour very positively is that the parents BUILD a relationship with the doula. The end result is that the parents feel supported (even through silence) by a woman who is there for them and not the NHS...
I don't know if that clarifies your understanding of what "we" do.

Also I need to add that (London aside) most doulas attend 5 to 8 births per year so we do focus on 1 birth at a time.

Good point Tinker
Actually Tom - I think you are being too sensitive to this (I know I can be too!) but headlines are to get you interested in reading more.... so if you are shocked you might want to read the rest of the article and see what theya re on about!

It must be a wonderful job pupuce. I find it quite difficult to trust other women and building close friendships takes alot of time so doulas aren't really for me but I imagine for well-off, confident women doulas would be great. Being a doula isn't for everybody I imagine, to have that personality to make women feel comfortable and confident in your abilities must be quite a useful and necessary part of your vocation. Don't get me wrong pupuce I think doulas are not only useful but necessary to enable women to have the kind of birth that they would really prefer. Anything that encouarages natural birth is a good thing. Just probably not for me thats all.

Tinker! JJ, did you know I always check your smileys in case there's a link there?

I'm upset about it professionally laydees - we've worked for 4 years to change the perception of midwifery and health professionals about fathers to see them as potential sources of support and the opportunity to enable fathers to be to be more supportive - after all, they are with the woman for the entire process, and those dads who are engaged with positively are much more supportive and more effective in the labour room.

I'm upset at lazy journalism that casts the issue as a doula vs fathers issue (doulas good, therefore fathers bad), and I'm upset that a professor of midwifery, advising the media, doesn't know her subject.

It sets our work back, and we're busy and underfunded enough without having to deal with this kind of pap.

Look, I'm not in tears or anything! And as to whether I was any use in the labour ward, you'd have to ask my wife - she had an emergency caesar because of a placental abruption and rapidly rising blood pressure, but I don't think that was my fault!

Tom who is "we" and "our" ?
Thanks

Tom's from fathersdirect.com. I think!!! Well, I'm 99.9% sure anyway. He did a very good speech at last year's Antenatal Education conference and I've watched my words ever since

Yeah - I'm from Fathers Direct - Im the networks manager - developing internatinal, national and regional networks of practitioners, researchers and policy workers.

Sue - you saw my talk at that did you? Hope you liked it - I had fun with it, that's for sure

And what does Fathers direct do ? What are their purpose/objectives ?
Never heard of it... thanks

Pupuce, I already gave you the website - why don't you go and have a look?

It's here if you would like a clickable link.

It's like mumsnet for dads but with extras - like they do research and campaigning. They have some extremely useful articles, a publication which summarises 20 years of research on fatherhood, etc.

Personally I think anyone involved in dealing with families should give the site a good look over, particularly since a lot of those people are women and do not therefore have a male perspective on life!

Also, fathersdirect has launched 'Dad' - a glossy magazine aimed at Dads (surprise, surprise!). The first edition was distributed free through some antenatal clinics or you can buy a copy from the site; the second should be available soon in shops.

I found Tom's talk at the Antenatal Education conference interesting and amusing.

I had an elective section so didn't need lots of support for a long period, but can't imagine my dh not being there to hold my hand and our baby. I just felt it was our baby - equally his as mine, so of course he should be there. In fact his presence to share the very moments of our son's life is as important (if not more) than his presence to support me. Also, nobody else will be as interested in your baby as your co-parent. He was nervous having seen his ex in labour, and found that quite upsetting, but was so relieved that the cs was much less traumatic than that.

Hi Bekki, just a quick one - doulas aren't only for well off women - I'm hoping to use one for my second in November and Pupuce has very kindly put me in touch with several who have agreed to do a bartering deal instead of my paying them in cash. I met a lovely doula where we're living now who agreed to provide her service in exchange for dp building her a website but I'm not using her now - only because we're moving out of her area though. Anyway, it did seem when I was looking into it that many doulas want women to have their one to one support and are therefore prepared to negotiate on rates or accept a bartering deal. Just a thought! I'll let you know how I got on after the event!

Sorry - SueW - I am just dafted
Don't know why I didn't just go on website....

hi pupuce, i notice you have been posting more frequently recently - welcome back!

pupuce - if you contact me through the board, I'll send you some more technical information about who we are, and what we do, including funders, staff, projects etc. The main website is for dads, but if you click on "FatherWork", you'll find an additional website for professionals. If you're really interested, then subscribe to our monthly email.

I did thanks Tom
I work mainly with dads in a way

Thanks Bossykate.... about to get very busy again so may not post often (but I can get quite addicted to mumsnet)... so who knows ?????

Monkey - if you are interested I can put you in touch with a doula in CH (no strings attached!)
Just contact me via mumsnet

And in today's Guardian
Hope Tom will prefer this one

Well, I can't imagine either of my labours without dh - he was a real star in both of them, knowing when to shut up, and when to give encouragement etc. Actually, in ds' birth, he was fascinated by the machines (he's an engineer) and the midwives were killing themselves laughing as he cheered the contraction monitor up to 90, going 'higher higher higher' - forgetting of course that the higher it got, the more it hurt for me!!! But actually it did take my mind off it a bit. And then when I really decided I wanted an epidural, and the mw was saying 'you don't need one' when he realised I really did want one at that stage he was able to say firmly that I did really want one.

In dd's homebirth, he was great, just running round getting the mw's stuff, not getting in the way, but he was there if I needed him. for Dads!

Here, here. My dh amazed me (and I think himself) in the delivery room. He even pushed towards the end, though he still won't tell me what he thought he was pushing.
All through the pregnancy I had told him that it didn't matter about cutting the cord etc. I just wanted him there to be the first to see our baby. In the end he did cut the cord and he did look as the baby came out (not that in a waterbirth there is much to see) but I wouldn't have minded if he didn't.
What I think really helped was that he came to every single antenatal appointment with me, so he knew the midwife as well as I did. During labour the midwife let my husband support me and just sat in a corner observing.
When I was bleeding quite badly afterwards, they put the focus on it being "dad's turn to have a cuddle" while they sorted me out, so I didn't even know they were worried about me until I read my notes.
Afterwards we were so proud of each other.

Another vote for dhs, mine kept me laughing throughout long (but not difficult) labour and we felt we were on a journey together. Also he held dd first (which I wanted) and was awestruck by how beautiful she was. He bonded immediately.