Anyone else who had an epidural feel they cheated?

[yellowflowers]

I had an epidural. It was simply marvellous. No pain and couldn't even feel to push. Was given it at 1cm dilated as waters had broken and no real contractions so was induced with a drip.

Am fully in favour of pain relief but just recently, three months later, I have started to wonder if I cheated a bit. All the women I meet at baby activities share their birth stories and though I am thrilled I don't have a horror story (well, with a manual removal of placenta and a five day stay in hospital with a poorly baby before taking her home it certainly wasn't plain sailing) I feel that by not even feeling a real contraction I totally cheated. Am I being ridiculous? I probably am - after all if there is a next time I fully intend to have another epidural.

I felt cheated that no one believed I was in labour and when someone did bother to check my baby was crowning and it was too late for any pain relief, I had been in pain for hours!

Oh and at the last minute they decided I need an episiotomy the only pain relief was gas and air, I will never forget the cold sharp metal slicing through my skin!

ouch clayre!

i had a low dose epi after planning a home birth and i'm so pleased i did as i had a fab birth and was laughing in the delivery room. i don't know why any woman should have to feel pressured into having an excruciating time in labour.

I had epidural after 24 hours in labour, then 18 hours later they turned it down for me to push then discovered mispresented baby who they tried to turn without epidural, I feel I was cheated of pain relief at this point.

I had to have one as they wouldn't do the emcs without it.

And yes I did feel like I'd cheated. It wasn't a rational feeling. Rationally, if I hadn't had an emcs, dd and I would not have survived the birth. It took 3 years and a lot of counselling for me to let it go.

I didn't win or lose, fail or succeed, give in or take the easy road. I had a baby and the route to that is not a race or a competition, it's a long path that nobody else has been down. They may have had babies, but not your baby. Comparisons and recriminations are futile.

It seems so simple to me now but for years I did feel guilty.

a friend of mine has recently been told something akin to this by their NCT teacher - that a baby is worth more if you work for it, and pain relief will stop you feeling like you've 'earned' your baby. I have suggested that he and his wife submit a formal complaint at such shite being spouted by someone they are paying to instruct them.

I had 2 epidurals (1st one failed after a few hours), and thank god I did. forceps delivery/episiotomy/tear/subsequent stitching left me feeling rough enough, without an added element of no pain relief. and after 3 days of labour too.

you get a baby at the end of it no matter how much pain you experience, personally I'm glad to be having children in these enlightened times when we have the option to choose (to an extent) an epidural or not. And I'll be asking for one in my next labour, unless it's shockingly easy.

I had an epidural with DS. I had a back to back labour. I was in agony. I am not ashamed to say that I couldn't stand the pain. Don't feel that I "cheated"- giving birth with no drugs may well be an entirely natural thing, but having your first child at 35 most certainly isn't.

I had gas and air, an epidural and an episiotomy right at the end (big head- nuff said)

I feel really positive about my birth. If I hadn't had an epidural there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that I'd have an elective c-section next time. As it is, I'll definitely have another vaginal.

That's it showofhands and crapbarry, I think I feel like I didn't earn my baby. And we had problems when she was born and she was poorly and we were in hospital for a week and she has also had an operation since because of a kidney issue and I irrationally feel that maybe that was payback because we got away with no pain during labour. Which isn't quite the case anyway - I ha to go theatre an hour after labour for the manual removal of placenta when it didn't deliver and I had an episiotomy as well. Such a minefield of emotions.

Nobody gets medals for not having pain relief!

l had two epidurals as I was in agony, I don\t feel cheated or less of a mum. In fact, I hate the one upmanship of some mums who seem to think the harder the birth the better you are. time and experience make mums realise the birth is the start, not the be all and end all.

a friend of mine has recently been told something akin to this by their NCT teacher - that a baby is worth more if you work for it, and pain relief will stop you feeling like you've 'earned' your baby. I have suggested that he and his wife submit a formal complaint at such shite being spouted by someone they are paying to instruct them.

No wonder so many of us feel disappointed/guilty/upset at our birth experiences when people like this - people who are supposed to be helpful! - talk crap like this.

OP - I think I feel like I didn't earn my baby - Me too. I had an EMCS and felt like someone had just handed me a baby I hadn't been made to work for. Sounds daft, but it's how I felt. So I understand where you're coming from. People think it's ok to say "what daftness!", and in a way I know it kind of is, but it doesn't stop it being something that I really felt. And hearing rubbish like what that NCT teacher said just makes me realise that, actually, no wonder I felt that way. Someone also said to me (a new mum too, by the way), when I said I was a bit upset at having an EMCS, "Is that because you felt you had cheated?". :(

Littleflowers - you did not cheat. There is no such thing as cheating when it comes to childbirth. Some people are simply luckier in their set of circumstances than others. You needed an epidural and it helped. People go on about choices in antenatal classes etc, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not about real choices at all - you cannot plan your birth.

Also, remember that pain is very poorly understood and there's no real way of comparing individuals. I don't know how you experience pain. We probably have different thresholds, but we could actually experience it differently too, so what might be bearable to me might be torture to you, or vice versa.

I think you did right to get the epidural if you're getting induced. I definitely would have.