Should I give up on homebirth because of DC 1 and 2?

[GinGirl]

I'm just looking for opinions really... the situation is this:

I am due with DC3 in about 6 weeks (DC 1 and 2 were late but labour started spontaneously with both).
I have said that I want a home birth as I did for DC2 and it was amazing.
But I'm really concerned about what to do with the other 2 if it all starts happening while they are awake and around. It was perfect last time, delivered at about 7am and DC1 woke up about half an hour later. I don't want to frighten them and also know that I won't be able to relaz if I am worried about them.

Should I a) find somewhere else for them to go (ages 3 and 18 months) even if this means getting them up in the middle of the night?
b) not worry about it and just see what happens?
c) abandon hb plan, find someone to look after them in their home environment and go to mlu at local hospital, assuming one of the 3 rooms is available.

Sorry this is so long, can you tell I'm still trying to sort all this out in my head?!

B. Chances are you will labour at night anyway.

Could you go with b) but have soemone on hand ready to collect DCs if they are up and about or if they wake up while everything is going on? I sympathise as when I went into labour with DC2 I was so wrapped up worrying about not upsetting DC1 I was really anxious until we left for hospital (HB wasn't an option for me due to obstetric history). Good luck.

b

I would say b too. I'm also pg with DC3 after hb with DS2. I laboured in the night with DS2 and fully expect to again. I trust in my bidy to wait until I am relaxed enough to do it.

I do have people on call for the daytime, but at night I'm certain they would sleep through it.

No don't give up!!

Could you possibly have someone else there, maybe staying over so they can be on hand if needed?

That way you can concentrate if it is daytime or they wake up.

I had HB with dc 3 and 4, others woke up just as I delivered dc3 and with number 4 they didn't notice anything and got a massive surprise when they woke up and came into my bedroom in the morning

Good luck whatever you decide!

b

my 2 manaed to stay in the frnt room watchin tv and miraculously me and dh didnt hear a peep out of them all mornin!!

go for b) thing always work out

My dc3 was a homebirth - conveniently my parents were nearby at my sister's looking after her children, my waters broke at 5.30am. My dad collected children at 8am. My Dc1 aged 3 at the time enjoyed pouring water on my tummy while i had a soothing bath. DC3 was born 9.30am

Have you got a birth partner or doula who is not your partner so soemone could look after the kids if neccessary?

Hmmm, mostly b... which I like but am not sure how DH will react to. I think he would like a definite plan in place. How 2 birth experiences have not taught him that this is never the case (no matter what the plan) I really don't know!

My mum has said that she will look after them at our house, come and collect them or that we can dump them on her. This would be ideal... if only I could work out which one I will need.

nailak - mine are not good at tv, we don't even have freeview so the 3yo hasn't had enough practice at watching it for long periods and the 18 month old doesn't have the concentration span. Also the birth pool would be in the next door room, and trying to keep both children in one room while awake would end in disaster.

Think I will continue agonizing being relaxed about the situation and see how I feel nearer the time... thanks all!

Thanks loopymumsy but that is just not me... my 3yo would definitely be upset at the sight of me in any kind of distress. And can't face the aftermath of trying to deal with her trauma and a newborn and a toddler! Not reassuring about the daytime thing though... was relying on it happening at night!

Can't you tell your Mum that you want her to come round, but that you'll play it by ear as to whether she needs to take the children out, so that if they do sleep through it, she can just hang out and be there just in case?

GinGirl, I have a HB booked for DC3 as I had ones for my other 2. When having DC2 my friend came and took DC1 away as she was only 19mths old and it had never occurred to me for her to be there. She had a lovely day playing with her best friend at the time.

This time DC's will be 7 & 8 and I have the same worries as you. My friend had DC3 with her other 2 DC's in the house (age 7 & 11). I think her labour started at night and then into the morning. Apparently she laboured in her bedroom while they watched TV downstairs. The midwife and dad kept popping in to make sure they were OK.

However your 2 are much younger and may not understand what's going on. I would definitely involve your mum, starting by her looking after them at your house then perhaps taking them to hers when you start screaming the place down things really get going. You will have enough going on without having to worry about your other DC's. Pretend Tell DH that is your plan but then wing it with your mum on the day.

Good luck!

I'm going for b, but I have my Mum on standby to come when I go into labour. Hopefully there will be enough time for her to come up, even if it is in the night. That way we wont have to worry about DS and DD - she can deal with them. I am a bit concerned about it though so I understand your fears. What if it all kicks off at 2am? Do I call her then, or wait until the morning? I think I'll just see how it all goes. Hopefully it'll be a daytime labour like with DD - that was much more straighforward.

fwiw, I slept right through my sister being born in the room next door to me when I was 8. I only woke up when she started crying. Apparently my mum was not quiet.

b -- it never goes to plan anyway.

My teenage stepkids said they were going to their mum's house at first twinge, and my mum was on call to take 3 yo DS.

In the event, I went into labour at 3.30am on the one night my mum was away... kids woke at 7am, doula stayed with me (midwife had been and gone, telling us no progress.... not sure how she knew that...) and DH went to sort out kids -- first time ever DS hadn't come in to our room, where I was, but went downstairs to watch TV instead... his childminder came to get him, explaining calmly to him what was going on, and the older ones were eating breakfast when our doula had to call DH back upstairs to catch the baby (rather a quick labour!).

Teenage stepdaughters met their baby brother before heading off to school, nonchalantly directing the worried looking midwives upstairs as they left!! And stepson got to his AS exam that morning and did really well.

Best of luck, hope you have another amazing homebirth

I'm planning 2nd HB, DS will be 3 at the time. I think I'm going to get my mum on standby, she lives a 2 hour drive away and we live in a tiny 2 bed flat. Depends when I go into labour though and for how long. My 1st was moderately short and I laboured in the day, so might end up sending DH with DS round to one of my local mums' houses, then if labour continues, my mum can collect him from there.

Like you, I think it would be quite traumatic for him and the whole point of a HB in my opinion is I felt safer and more relaxed than I would have done at hospital, having DS around will worry me...