worried about bonding if I need a c-section, tell me I'm being silly

[painfullyhonest]

Really really don't like the idea of a c-section, every time I watch one on TV I hate the idea of baby only being on my chest briefly before being taken away, and the coldness of a doctor pulling baby out of me - and I really just don't want to be cut open, every time I think about it it seems wrong to me.

Had a 3rd degree tear last time and am continent, but have to sometimes be careful (eg. doing star jumps with a full bladder etc)

and may need to be induced due to Obs. Cholestasis. Early days but just in case it looks like it wd be safer to have a c-section, is there anything I can read or request to put my mind at ease?

Am very close to my DD even tho she didn't feed immediately at birth and I know that if I do have csec I will be weeping till my baby is safely in my arms. Please help me get over myself, I do understand rationally that the c-sec can be a safe option!

WidowWadman thanks so much for that.

I'm feeling guilty (a permanent state of affairs since DS was born - they don't tell you about that aspect of motherhood before you sign up!) enough about the impact DC2 will inevitably have on the amount of time/energy I can give DS - the thought of not being able to pick him up/sit him on my lap/move around much post C-section really worries me because of this.

But of course you're right - they do understand a lot more than we give them credit for - DS was very gentle with DH when he had surgery on his collarbone recently.

Hijack over. Sorry OP!

P.S. Hope your kidney infection has cleared up? That sounds horrible x

a cs is far from cold,nor is dr either, that whole team are rooting for you and baby.safe live birth,and reassured mum is what is desired.it isnt some mediaeval procedure of yanking a baby out of you,is a skilled team acting in best health intersts

Bicnod - Thanks, feeling fine now. I've got a few more days of antibiotics to take, but will be back in the office tomorrow. Can't praise the people enough who looked after me in hospital and got me back on my feet so quickly. They're doing an amazing job. Still hope I won't see them again for a few weeks....

i had an elective C and it was a really good experience- I'd have another tomorrow. It was very calm and the photo's of the moment DD arrived are lovely. The whole team is smiling- including the Dr behind his mask. He held DD up for me to see, then DH went with her to the check station and cut the cord. She was back with me in minutes and didn't leave my side again for several days. She fed in recovery and no problems bonding. She was extra pretty on her birthday too. People say it must be a shocking way to enter the world but tbh, I reckon it may be easier.

There can be barriers to immediate skin-to-skin with mum even without a CS. I didn't have a CS but had forceps in theatre (3rd degree tear like you, great isn't it?) so they took DS away for a check and then DH held him the whole time until I did in recovery. Despite the complications it was the most wonderful experience and there was no problem with bonding whatsoever.

Congrats and all the best.

birthing has got so competitive and who pushed longest sans analgesia. unfortunately a competitive orthodoxy of give birth chanting an incantation,bouncing on a birth ball whilst sucking a trebor mint has evolved.competitive mummies and alarmist dont let dem doctors touch you hyperbole has lead some to have a a real birth is a martyred i am goddess experience.and that cs is a failure or not trying hard enough

bicnod thanks so much for posting, nice to know I'm not alone! I have MW apptmts coming up so planning to reread my thread and make a note of all the helpful suggestions!

Another aspect of my anxiety prob comes from when I was stitched up after my tear, I was basically in shock I think, shaking from head to foot and felt totally out of it. I remember all the staff chatting away, talking about how their night had been, making jokes and it did feel a bit odd that I'd just had a baby and they were about to stitch up an embarrassing bit of my anatomy and they didn't really seem to care about the fact that I was a person, I just felt like a job. Although one nice person held my hand for a while, I think I'd have fallen apart if she'd let go!

I guess the surgeons at a CS are a bit more sensitive!

Definitely have a birth plan (I can send you mine if you PM me your email address if you would like) - made me feel much more in control of the whole situation. I had complications which could have been caused by foetal abnormality so they did check him over before they gave him to me but it seemed to take seconds before he was in my arms. I didn't get that huge rush of love thing but I've not got anything to compare it to - certainly I know friends who had a CS followed by a VBAC and have said they felt no different about their new babies.

Good luck :)

SM my feelings about CS have nothing to do with competitive birthing, it's really just my feelings about a process I cannot yet fully understand because I haven't been thru it. This thread isn't really the place for standing on yr soap box, I am just hoping for some nice stories and some reassurance!

op i wasnt addressing you personally,so you clamber on down too.birthing has gotten needlessly competitive and that is often commented upon on mn. and it is my subjective experience of being met with bemused expressions or told i havent given birth properly when i discuss all my dc are cs born. a visiting mw sais it was shame i didnt try for a natural labour,needless to say she was told not to return.

i do wish you well however your labour progresses
and do write a birth plan for cs

painfully I wanted an all natural waterbirth for my DD, but after 6 days of very painful contractions they midwives finally convinced me that the baby wasn't coming out. I MUST have a C-section. I cried as I signed the form - devastated.

But the procedure itself was fine. The staff were lovely, the screen was very low, so that although I couldn't see them make the incision I could see the surgeons from the elbow down. There was great music playing (their choice but hey DD was born to Mr Blue Sky "Why did you have to hide away for SO long?") They talked to me and showed me DD straight away. I worried about bonding but DH held her near me while they sewed me up. Straight into the recovery room and DD was put on my chest skin-to-skin and then BF. It was only 30 minutes or so after the birth and I don't think either of us suffered from it.

As I say, I was gutted at not having the experience I'd planned but the reality of the CS wasn't as horrendous as I'd made it out. So I'd say make a birth plan for a CS:
Low screen
Talk you through it
Play your own music
Let you and DP see the gender of your baby
And skin to skin asap

I think it will all be better than you think good luck

OP you are wise planning and thinking about it. I just had my first after a failed induction, i had planned a homebirth and the disapointment is huge. I wish I could say that it didn't interfere with bonding, but it did in the sense that it has taken me three weeks to accept my feelings of failure and a constant nagging of how can i be a mum if i didn't give birth.
during pregnancy i became obsessed with giving birth, what a mistake!
The c-sec itself was fab, until the next morning when the epidural wore off...

I really didn't want a CS but in the end had a EMCS following failed induction. I was so scared and upset that my heart rate went through the roof and I spent most of the procedure in a state of shock and anxiety and when my DH showed me DD I was convinced she wasn't mine! But when I had skin to skin in recovery I bonded instantly and she latched on within 20 minutes. I recovered really well and am now just thrilled to have a gorgeous daughter and don't care at all about the birth. Focus on the baby not the birth....

Just to add a different view - I had a very difficult VB and as a result didn't bond at all, was on a watch for PND, struggled with establishing BF etc.

I think if medical advice is that a CS would be best for your/your baby's health you might well have a better chance of a great bonding experience than if you have a risky VB.

It's clearly possible to bond fine with a CS from all the lovely posts we've seen on here

I had vb with ds though it was a protracted, assisted one (10 hours dilating, 4 hrs pushing with ventouse delivery. Had a lot of stitches and it took me over a year to recover. Ds hardly slept and he fed constantly so I felt like I didn't have much to give him iyswim.
dd was born via emcs at 31 weeks under GA and I didn't see her til the next day. I couldn't hold her for days yet had to express milk every 2-3 hours. Despite her being in SCBU for 5 weeks our bond is very strong. My experience tells me that it's not just the birth but other factors that shape how you bond with your baby. My recovery from cs was very quick - driving 2-3 weeks after.
Though the immediate pain was horrific - felt like I'd been hit by a bus! Oramorph was great for the pain the first day, managed with just diclofenac and paracetamol on second day.
There are pros and cons for both but ime bonding was not a problem with cs.