Eeek! Help a first timer please! Labour imminent and other questions

[AliceinRealityLand]

Hello

I hope no one minds me jumping in with a few questions. Baby #1 is due in just under 2 weeks but I'm getting myself all worked up about the birth and how I'll know "what to do".

Firstly, my midwife has said try and stay home until the contractions are 5 minutes or less apart, so obviously that means no pain relief at home until then. What is it best to do to ease the pain before you go to hospital? My midwife said to take a bath, which I'm planning on doing but should I do anything else? The midwife said lots of women just like to "rock their hips and breathe the pain away". Will this help or is she just being condescending? lol

Also with regards to the pushing part, again I spoke to my midwife about this who said that generally they just leave women to start pushing spontaneously and that I'll just know when I need to push. But how? Does it just happen? I really want guidance from the midwife and to be told when to push as I don't want to do it too early or do it wrong. Also I am petrified about tearing.

I'm probably being hormonal but my mind keeps going round in circles worrying/thinking about the birth. Thanks in advance for any advice

you cannot plan your birth so my best piece of advice would be go in with an open mind. your tension will make it worse so try (i know it's difficult) to relax

wrt pain relief at home, apply hot water bottle to back (or wherever pain is worst) gym ball is useful, walk around & breathe - the bath is a good idea also (i had about 6 baths as labour started)

listen to midwife - she will guide you all the way

take a pillow...

What an exciting time for you, but as you said, it can be so nerve wracking as well, and the more you think about it the more you worry!

I think the idea to take a bath is a really good one, also some people I think use a rocking chair or a fit ball type thing to try and get a little more comfy on, so if you have either of these you may find that helpful too.

Your midwife is absolutely right on the pushing part, when it is time to push although you have to put effort in there is absolutely no way you can't push - there is a certain amount of spontaneity (sp?) with it. Also, your delivering midwife would guide you and tell you when it is time to push and will also tell you when to rest as well.

Wishing you all the best xxx

You just don't know what will happen. Read around about what happens to your body during labour and what can happen in a less textbook labour.

There are plenty of things to do for pain relief before you start looking at drugs. Walking, rocking, breathing, having a bath/shower, massage, vocalising, singing, dancing, distraction, aromatherapy, TENS machines etc.

Your body might just tell you what to do. You might know what position you want to be in and what you want to do. Nobody else can tell you what you'll feel/want.

And most women will have an urge to push that is absolutely impossible to ignore. I had no urge whatsoever and in that situation, the midwife responded appropriately and told me what to do.

They can't answer all of your questions now because they don't know what will happen to you in labour.

Please try not to worry about the bits you can't control right now. The midwife saying 'you will push 6hrs into labour and this is how' will NOT tell you how your labour will happen unless she's got a crystal ball. You might wake up with an urge to push out of the blue, you might never want to push. These things you can't control or decide in advance.

Congratulations and Good luck, try not to worry it will only slow things down .

You have quite a few pain relief options while at home:
Check with your MW, but you should be able to take some paracetamol.
Have a bath, take a glass of wine in with you if it will help you relax a little.
Use a TENS machine.
Bounce on a birthing ball, or stand with your feet slightly apart and wiggle your hips (imagine you are tracing each letter of the alphabet with your hips).
Use breathing to control the pain - count to 3 while you breathe in and then count to 5 as you breath out (try it next time you hit your thumb with a hammer - it does work).
Make a conscious effort to relax with each contraction, don't let your shoulder creep upwards and try to keep your face relaxed. Let all the tension/tightening be in your bump.
Being relaxed and comfortable are the key things you need to keep labour progressing.

The pushing is pretty instinctive (although not everyone feels the same urge to push), in a similar way to not needing to make a decision to do a poo - the muscles just take over once you are in the right position. But if you do find it tricky to know when and how to push, then your MW will help you (you might even be on a monitor which will let your birth partner know when another contraction is on the way before you do ).

Not sure about the pain relief at home as I was induced, but I certainly found that when the time came to push it was surprising how my body did know exactly what to do. I couldn't not push. It does seem to be completely different for everyone though. I also found that although it was incredibly painful it was a "good" pain. When you start pushing you know the end is in sight, and you are actually doing something. I hope that makes sense. Good luck.

I never got an urge to push (it seems from a thread a while back this isn't uncommon) and the midwife told me what to do.

There's a book that I found really useful as it suggests a lot of different ways of dealing with the pain of contractions here basically it's about focusing on something else and using the adrenaline in action or vocalisation rather than internalising it. Some things work for some people and not for others, e.g. I couldn't bear being in the bath at home (though ended up having a waterbirth) and walking up and down made it worse as well, though standing up and rocking from side to side did help a bit.

I was scared when I got to hospital about how much worse it would get as I was already in quite a lot of pain with each contraction. I was massively relieved when the midwife told me I was 7cm dilated, so in 'proper' labour already. Good luck!

I also didn't get the urge to push and was directed by mw. Like op I was terrified if tearing - I got a second degree one though, but didn't feel it at the time. 6 wks later and it feels much better, and pelvic floor seems to be working...
I was at home for labour - by the time I got to hospital I was fully dilated ( hospital kept telling me not to come in yet!). My contractions didn't follow typical pattern - went from every 5 mins to constant/
Stage 2 labour. A tens machine, mooing 'like a cow having a massage' (as advised by friend) and not knowing I was in established labour (dc1) helped. I also moved around a lot and bent over the bed/sofa/table/dh!
Good luck!

Oh and chanting through contractions 'this will end' and 'this is natural' worked for me, and am not usually at all lentil weavery. Think I counted too.
When having a contraction, stand and gyrate your hips slowly. Gave mw a laugh if nothing else!

I second the bath advice and I'd get a birthing ball. Keep moving as much as possible.

However you may go straight into a labour where your 3 mins apart- I did! You will know when it's time to go to hospital when the pain is too much

hi let me tell you about my experience with my first. i had my little boy in june of last year. i was 6 days overdue when i went into labour. i didnt realise that i was in labour until it was what they call established labour. i had a few pains like period pains in the afternoon and towards the evening felt very uncomfortable and had my 'show'. i didnt have any contractions that were stong enough to be felt but i went to have a bath anyway and i didnt end up taking the bath for very long as i felt a real urge to pee. as i sat on the toilet i started to feel the contractions coming very strongly - so me being me gave myself a peptalk, looking back it makes me giggle.

i wasnt entirely sure how to time my contractions so my parents timed them for me. i found that it helped to bounce on an exercise ball. pain relief at home would be paracetamol, a tens machine (i forgot about this but it does help) and a bath. when i rang through to the hospital to tell them i was on my way my contractions werent very far apart - a minute thirty between each one and they lasted for forty seconds - my advice to you is dont wait so long!

when i arrived at hospital the brought me first of al to the observation room, where they chack the babys heart beat, you blood pressure pulse etc ... and they check how far along you are. when i arrived i was 5cm so brought straight through to the delivary suit.

when you get into the delivary suit - if you go straight through - you'll get changed into your nightdress. the pain relief you get in here is gas and air (entinox) it is brilliant. the midwife encourages you to keep mobilizing but dont worry if the gas and air floors you it made me dizzy to begin with and nauseas until i got used to it.

in terms of contractions your body takes over, at least mine did. i just remember the sudden urge to push and then i had no control over it. sometimes the contractions are able to be controlled but that depends on the person.

the main thing is be relaxed .. it is unkown but at the same time if you are tense then it is harder for you. do relaxation techniques - tense your muscles one by one and then relax them don't panic. sometimes its a good thing to have someone there to breathe with you, to show you how to breathe through the pain the way the midwife has told you and to keep you calm and relaxed.

lastly - enjoy your little miracle :)

Yes agree with other posters - relaxing is important, I know it sounds stupid - relax!! I'm in labour don't you know!! but actually it is important, if you are tense your whole body tenses. I was at home in Labour for 12 hours before I went in and was 5 cm dilated so it can happen - spent most of the time sitting on the sofa watching DVD's and when the pain came would just shut my eyes, grip the sofa arm, tell my DP to time it and then zone out - eyes closed, really concentrating on my breathing just like your midwife said. It is like waves, so you get to a peak and then it dies down so wasn't painful all the time. When the time came to push - was in hosp by this time!- there was no way I couldn't not know it, I found my body took over and I just had to go with it, it is so powerful. Really agree with the poster who said it is best to go with the flow and not expect your birth to be this way or that way - it really is what it is. I ended up having a really old fashioned labour - flat on my back, feet up in stirrups, gas and air but it was really fine.

Good luck!

Your midwife isn't being condescending by encouraging you to rock your hips and breathe the pain away; this is the most helpful thing for me to do in my labours, and helps me deal with the pain more than any medication (including the epidural I tried with my first, which still left me in a lot of pain, but unable to stand up and distract myself from it).

Honestly, try to focus on the peace and joy that you'll feel when your baby has just been born. IT is the most exciting, amazing feeling for most women, and the birth pangs just melt away into unimportance.

Have you not done any antenatal classes,? If not then it might be worth at least reading the labour and pain relief pages on mumsnet, NHS direct etc. You might still have 2 weeks (or even 4 if you go to 42 weeks) left so see if there are any one day/weekend courses available in your area. NCT do intensive ones and NHS ones are sometimes in 3 hour blocks (depends on your area).

Good luck