positive childbirth stories?!

[mooms]

i'm 32 wks tomorrow, first baby and i've made the decision to give birth (with good luck and a fair wind!) at a birthing centre, so no option of epidural, 15 mins transfer to hospital if anything goes wrong.

The thing is, all women keep telling me is their horror labour stories, how painful it is, traumatic, emergency c sections, tears, all the negatives.

i want to hear some positives, i want to be as calm as poss and to know that yes it bloody hurts but it's bearable, that not all labours end in emergency c sections, etc i don't want to be scared before i even start! i'm not naive enough to think it'll all go as planned, i'll do whatever is necesary to give birth to a healthy little one, and i may end up being a total wuss but only 4 people (2 of whom are my mum and a work colleague who are obviously older and it's a while back for them!) have anything positive to say!

anyone else feel like this or have any positives for me? should i just ask people not to tell me any more?!

I'm 31 weeks with DC3 having had 2 previous inductions which were pretty straightforward. For some reason though I started to feel very anxious about this one. For the past week or 2 I have been listening to a natal hypnotherapy cd and I am already feeling less worried about it all.
Obviously I don't know if it will actually help me in this labour but its certainly worth a try if you are anxious.
I think the key things are breathing and finding a comfortable position eg on a ball etc

Another positive experience here too (HB with no tearing, no afterpains, minimal blood loss and v. healthy baby).

It was bloody hard work but the pain was generally manageable with activity and back massage (transition was totally bonkers but only 10-15 mins). After transition, crowning and pushing out baby were easy.

I don't talk about DD's birth much IRL because the only conversations about birth people seem to start are about the horror stories and they definitely want to talk rather than listen. I reckon a lot of women with positive stories are in the same boat. It doesn't seem sensitive to say "well, you may have had an awful time but I was fine...".

I had an overdue/induction/no progression for 3 days (go with it, it was more boring than painful really)/EMCS but it was still a totally positive birth experience - no horror here, just stuff not going as expected and needing some help.

In fact worst thing that still sticks in my mind is the ridiculous bath in the birthing suite which decided to go on a cleaning cycle while I was sat in it, and no matter what we did I couldn't turn it off so I had to get out!

Just because things don't go to plan, doesn't mean it's a bad experience!

Loads of positive stuff here: www.homebirth.org.uk/hbstories.htm and www.mybirth.tv/

As a midwife I see more positive births than negatives. I'm not saying that these positive births haven't been hard and quite probably painful (but bearable) but the majority of women do say afterwards that it was worth it. I do think that sometimes woman have a tendancy to try and "outdo" each other on who had the most pain/stitches/hardest delivery, etc.

My number one tip is to just take each contraction at a time, don't worry about how much longer will labour be or what if its gets worse, etc. Get through that contraction then rest and then get through the next one.

Get a TENS.

Stay mobile. Use the bath or pool if there is one. If the pain is starting to build up then try a different position.

Be aware of transition and know that pushing is normally better than transition.

Good luck.

Lots of websites out there with positive stories and several threads in the MN archives.

Don't be too mean to women who share what you hear as 'horror' stories. Sometimes there's an element of them trying to say look it might be crap but if you acknowledge what could happen and have a brief think about decisions you might make, then you'll be forearmed.

I think going into it with an open mind is the best thing. And of course being aware of all the things that will help you have the labour you'd ideally like. You seem to have that sorted. I buried my head in the sand, refused to hear scary stories and immersed myself in positive stories. Of course when it didn't work out like I'd planned, I felt guilty. Well that was the problem really. For every potential hiccup there's a solution and one that you can be involved in but I think a lot of women are trying to say is don't think that you pass/fail at this. Don't measure your experience against other people's or some model of what you think the perfect birth should be. And I agree that the people around you as well as your own reaction to whatever happens can make an enormous difference. A straightforward labour can be a negative experience if you have a dragon of a midwife and an unsupportive partner for example.

Best of luck. How exciting.

I have two beautiful healthy children and no significant or permanent damage to me. I could tell my birth stories in a "horror story" way, but actually it's all trivial by comparison with the safe delivery of my babies. If I wanted another child I'd sign up for another birth tomorrow.

DS's birth was lovely. I feel incredibly lucky to have got a good midwife - that was chance. She didn't stop me doing anything I wanted to and encouraged me gently. She sat back and waited for me to labour, chatting occasionally with dh. She didn't make me get on my back, not for examinations, not for occasional doppler monitoring. It could have been so different.

DS was back to back but the pain simply never got that bad, and apparently doesn't in a lot of cases (despite horror stories about OP babies and terrible pain: it happens in a percentage of labours but not all). He turned during second stage. It was about a 9 hour labour from first twinge to birth, no waters breaking or I think it would have been faster (I had them broken when I was nearly fully dilated).

I leaned on dh while I knelt and that felt so comfortable that I turned down the use of the pool. There was no fuss or stress and while it definitely hurt, it was never totally unbearable.

I'd been ill in pregnancy, all my family have had long, long painful labours ending in forceps and all sorts, yes I'd been to active birth classes but I am also a little bit control freaky so that kind of cancels that benefit out Who knows what it was? A bit of this and a bit of that. Not needing induction, not being on my back, ds being quite small perhaps? I really can't believe my luck.

I spent the day that my DS arrived reading positive birth stories on MN as until then I too had only heard scary ones. It really helped me to get into a positive frame of mind about what I could achieve and that it didn't need to be frightening. I don't know if it made a difference but as it happened I had a 5 hour labour from first twinge to arrival, and the first 2 of those I was happily watching a film. I had only about 1.5 hrs of real pain and by the time I got to hospital I was fully dilated and ready to push. No pain relief at all (although I'm not saying it wasn't painful - it was - I just thought I had a lot longer to go!). I think a lot of it is down to luck and genetics but mental attitude also seems to help. Apparently a lot of young, healthy girls end up having complications and then c-sections because mentally they're not prepared, don't know what to expect, freak out and their body reacts. So, you're doing all the right things to prepared yourself as well as you can.

And fwiw, I have friends who had tough, long, painful labours with interventions but who still said at the end that it was all worth it and that they'd go through it all again in a heartbeat. What will be will be.

Good luck.

I agree that most women seem to have a 'who had the most traumatic birth' competition going on.... why oh why?! I think it's so unfair to share such stories with first-timers too, very selfish.

I'm very pleased to be able to add another positive story! My 1st is now 18 months old and the whole labour/birth was the most amazing experience of my life. I was very keen to have a natural birth, one of the reasons being that I didn't want to bring a drugged up baby into the world. I looked into different methods and thought Hypnobirthing made the most sense. The very first thing we were taught is what the body actually does in labour and this made me understand how important it is to relax as much as possible and, as others have said, work with your body and not against it. Sounds silly but I found it so empowering knowing that my body was completely equipped to deal with this on its own and without intervention. Just the course alone was worth it for having that valuable knowledge.

So, I was all ready for a home birth but DS had other plans and just didn't want to appear, we had daily monitoring from 14 days overdue but by 18 days overdue when I had a well-being scan that I asked for it became clear he wasn't budging so we reluctantly asked to be induced. In my positive frame of mind I hadn't even considered the possibility of a hospital birth and so this threw us off the Hypnobirthing path somewhat - I still did all the breathing methods but never got fully into the 'zone' as it were. No matter, we had a fantastic midwife who talked through our birth plan with us and understood completely our preference for as little intervention as possible. They started off by breaking my waters and then thankfully, everything else followed naturally and I didn't need to have any further intervention at all. They mentioned the ventose at the pushing stage but that seemed to spur me on and it wasn't needed! As others have said, the transition was the only time I started to feel overwhelmed but we had been prepared for that by our Hypnobirthing tutor and so my DH knew what was happening and talked me through it. Even then, it only lasts 10-15 minutes and then you are ready to push! It was the only time I considered gas & air but didn't in the end. We also didn't have the hormone injection to get rid of the placenta - I breastfed straight away and about 50 minutes later birthed the placenta naturally.

I just remember the entire day being so amazing, I was so proud of myself! And I can relate to why some women want to tell everyone their stories, except I wanted to because it was so fantastic, it really was a beautiful experience.
Am expecting DC2 in May so fingers crossed for a repeat performance! (Although without the overdue bit!!)

Good luck! Definitely check out the Hypnobirthing/Natal Hypnotherapy and remember that there is another way, it doesn't have to be the hideous experience you've been led to believe. Positive thought is everything!

As a good friend of mine says, the best kept secret of birth is not that it hurts, it's that women are strong.

Best of luck OP

None of my 4 births were traumatic, painful and hard work yes but really not unmanageable.

My first 2 were hospital births and the last 2 homebirths. I agree v much with the poster who said that it is the skill and care of the people who support you that make the difference. Although I haven't had a difficult birth it was the treatment and attitude of the MWs (before and after birth) with hospital birth #2 that made me decide to try homebirths in future.

What a super decision ( I realise I was fortunate in the respect I was experienced and give birth easily) the community MWs and students were lovely- it's amazing how much more respectful people are when they are in your home!

None of the being forced to walk 10 miles to a shared bathroom 10mins after delivering placenta, to find it covered in other peoples fluids, then kindly adding yours for the next person!!. No-one lets a load of well meaning but unwelcome friends and family in to see you shortly after you have given birth.

You have all your own clothes, pants, towels etc.. at your disposal. Your OWN BATHROOM (deserves capitals, such is the joy of this one). Having peace and quiet afterwards in your own bedroom/sofa (I had one HB in the daytime and one at night) is priceless.

My last (and final 'sob') baby was born after 2hrs of labour at 2am, the midwives were gone by 3am and me and DH were tucked up in bed with DS fast asleep in the crib where he stayed until morning. I didn't sleep a wink as I was on such a high but it was lovely and the total opposite of traumatic. My other DC slept through the whole thing and only discovered their new brother at 8am the following morning, they were so excited.

To be fair my local hospital started an extensive refurb the year after I had my last hospital birth and I know from other people that they have the 'give birth and stay in one room with en suite' going on now which was massively overdue imo. It was too late to persuade me back again though unless it was a medical necessity.

Hope this doesn't sound too home-birth preachy as I have no idea how a HB would have worked out with DC1 and I am one of those annoying people who doesn't seem to have complications. Not dismissing anyone's experience but I think it's important to balance out horrific stories with positive ones.

I had a great birth - over 3 days of 'slow' labour at home, didn't really get any more painful than that TBH.

Used TENS machine from the first contraction (needed lots of replacement pads to get me through the whole 4 days from start to finish) and think it made a huge difference - didn't realise it was until the MW knocked it off by mistake so can really recommend. Definitely use from the very start though to get the best effect.

I used the Natal Hypnotherapy CD from about 32 weeks, again didn't think it would do anything but I felt very calm and generally relaxed. Really helped my breathing which I'm sure made a difference - also helped me to use the G&A when I started with it at about 8cm.

I took Raspberry Leaf tablets from ?37 weeks I think, don't know if it was due to them or not but I found pushing easy, slight graze but none of the huge pain that everyone tells you about.

I was probably really lucky but it honestly wasn't bad at all, I kept expecting things to get worse and it didn't really. I quite enjoyed the experience - expecting #2 in October so am hoping I have a good time again!

Second baby was fantastic. Waters broke at 7.30pm, full on contractions started 10 mins later. Got to hospital at 9.15. Had some G&A (for me this is more of something to do rather than offering any pain relief) delivered baby in 9 pushes half an hour later. It was amazing!

Good luck!

two more positive stories here both at the a birthing centre and both wonderful water births.

DD - 7 hours in total from waters breaking to arrival and only 5 hours of contractions. Simply amazing and I would have done it again the next day! Did tear but that was fine and didn't notice at the time!

DS - 8 hours of contractions, no tear. More tiring due to timing and lack of sleep but still wonderful. However was glad it was all over and no plans for number 3....

Stay calm and relaxed. I did "horse lips" when exhaling during contractions which is supposed to keep you all loose and relaxed. Have you read Ina May's book? Recommended.

I had a lovely homebirth. Under 12 hours, no stitches and a beautiful little girl at the end. Someone on here had pointed out that contractions are finite and each one brings you a step closer to your baby; that helped me immensely.

motherofsnort Agree!
pleasekeepcalm own bathroom=bliss

I gave birth at a midwife led unit 3 weeks ago and can honestly say it was the best experience of my life!

I began with a tens machine, then at 4 cm ripped it off and jumped in a deep warm pool... this helped loads.

Although i didn't do a proper hypnobirth, I had read the book and used some of the deep breathing excercises during contractions. Though it sounds very hippyish, I imagined myself opening up with each contraction and did my best not to fight the pain but to go with it.

The pain did become very intense so I took gas and air and this worked brilliantly for me, I only used it quite late on in my labour though. It just made the pain feel like it was happening to someone else. It was completely bearable.

Transitions was tough, i didn't feel the urge to push and my contractions were dying down so I got out of the pool and on to the birth stool. At that point I felt like I wanted to go home and do the whole birth thing another day, but the midwife threatened me with the ambulance ride to the hospital and out of no where I gathered some kind of super human strength and pushed out the baby.

The elation you feel when he baby comes out is just unbelievable, I had a 2nd degree tear but I was so high on adrenaline that I didn't even feel it being sewn up.

I second the Ina may book recommendation. I read 'spiritual midwifery' before hand and found it inspirational.

Also the 3 other ladies on my NCT class all had great births too. One said to me 'It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be', and I would agree.

So relax relax relax and don't be afraid. Even if things don't go to plan, you will get through it and have a beautiful baby in your arms in a couple of months!! xx

DD1's birth wasn't great, but she arrived and we were both fine with no permanent damage. DD2's birth was wonderful - despite being over 10lb and being back to back all the way out she was born in 5hours from first contraction, with no pain relief apart from tens, I was back at playgroup with her and DD1 when she was 3 days old

DD1 delivered in water by me in a Midwife Led Unit. Gas and air, tearing but was OK. After some lovely bonding time with her, I had a nice hot shower, out on some clean PJs and jumped into bed with DH with DD by our side in the cot. Went home next day.

DD2, Midwife Led Unit again, water birth, delivered by me. Very calm and peaceful. Same as DD1, after bonding time, hot shower and into bed for a snooze. Went home next day.

Fantastic

My first birth was supposed to be a home birth, but had to transfer to hospital after 18 hours as contractions slowed down and was a ventouse delivery in the end, but no pain relief for any of it, well local for final delivery, but you know....but still i would say it was not a bad birth, the contractions were ok and we made it!! the second was much quicker and really cool, i had the same midwife for both labours and i just kept reminding myself that 'this will end' and saying to her 'I'm only having a baby, people do this all the time' when i felt my concentration start to waiver, to which she would laugh! she did the delivery wearing her bikini top and mini skirt, (i should point out, we live in Portugal, it was 38 degrees that day and NOT A BREATH OF WIND!!!! warmer out than in for the baby!) the worst thing for me, was the heat, but again no pain relief, no stitches, no tears, perfect! Contractions started about 6.30 am but only got bad ish around midday and she was delivered 2.05 so not so long and totally bearable (except the heat!) We were outside in the forest for most of it as it was cooler outside the house than in (that makes me sound like a right hippy and I'm totally not!!). Home births are not really accepted in Portugal so i had a private midwife working alone, so she was possibly over cautious with the first delivery, but at the end of the day, it was how it was and he was healthy and we were both fine. And the best advice someone gave me was (from a mother of two) with her first birth she kept trying to stop it hurting, which of course you can't (well not without drugs) but with the second she realised this and then she was able to manage the pain, and this is definitely the key. it does hurt, but its ok, it will pass, women do this all the time and you will be alright, so just go with it, take each contraction at a time and trust yourself and your midwife.

Good luck and Bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeettthhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeee

I hear ya - I'm 28 weeks pregnant & all I seem to hear are horror stories about birth & how painful it is.
We did a Hypnobirthing course recently that really allayed my fears & am now feeling confident & excited about the birth.
We're going for a home birth in a birthing pool.
Good luck! xx

Would absolutely agree with the advice to keep mobile. As my first labour started with what I thought was a response to the curry I'd eaten the night before, the trotting between the loo and the shower meant that by the time we arrived at the hospital (no birthing centre here) I was 9cm dilated.

Second time was started off with a pessary but think that labour may already have started because had DS2 about 90 minutes later. Think the MW thought I was making a fuss but once she'd realised I was ready to push it was all over in 20 minutes. No time to run the bath for the water birth, or any gas and air. If I'd had a third DC, think I would have known absolutely what to do! Gas and air with DS1 had made me a bit woolly and confused, and transition was disorientating both times.

Lovely thread, thanks ladies. Am a couple of days overdue, so this is EXACTLY the kind of stuff I want to be reading right now :)

I've had 3 completely natural homebirths with no drugs, no gas and air, no tens, nothing but warm water and relaxed breathing. I loved it and am desperate to do it again.

I did hypnobirthing and spent at least a month before each birth positive thinking, relaxation excercises, practicing breathing several times a day every day. My only complaint was it all went too quick for me - ds1 6hrs, ds2 similar, ds3 3 1/2hrs. It was very intense but i can't describe it as painful. I took full doses of paracetamol and ibuprofen for the afterpains but nothing up till then.
I also delivered all my babies myself - ds1 and ds2 in water, midwife just watching at a distance, ds3 too quick for midwives so i caught him as he came out.