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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I'm just soooo scared!!

21 replies

clarkland · 21/03/2011 21:18

39 +5 today with second baby. My little girl was born at 39 +1 (2 and a half years ago). I don't know why but I am petrified this time. Cannot shift the anxiety and now having hideous horror type dreams about the birth!! My last labour was ok, waters broke at 9am 39+0 and then contractions started at 6pm went to hospital at 4am and my beautiful daughter was born at 10.31am after some pethedine and G&A and an episiotomy!!! So no reason that I should be hyper-anxious after that. What is wrong with me???

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 21:20

I think it's normal, because you've already went through it-even if it was an uncomplicated birth, surly it wasn't a walk in the park, so you feeling anxious is totally understandable.

FWIW I was a bit anxious before Dc2 birth, but as soon as the contractions started, I felt much, much calmer and more confident than before the birth of DC1.

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 21:23

Thank you Winnybella. I really feel like I am losing it at the moment.

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 21:34

Nah, when the time comes, you'll be fine.
I was playing Scrabble with DP on the sofa (and I won ) 4 hours before DD was born. I felt so confident that I was putting off going to the hospital.

Remember, you've done it before. Also, if the pain gets too much, there's always epidural.

estobi1 · 21/03/2011 21:35

You will be absolutely fine, I am sure. If you can say that your first time was a breeze you are obviously a tough cookie! It is completely normal to be scared as it is the unknown and you cant control it right now.

I was really frightened second time and my experience was so good. Yes of course it hurt but because I had more understanding and a better idea of what to expect I felt much more in control and able to cope when it actually happened.

I also really enjoyed my baby so much more after she was born because I knew what to do with her and that should not be udnerestimated. The midwife kept telling me to put her down because she was worried I would drop my baby (I had a CS and couldnt get out of bed) but the overwhelming love and bonding meant that I could not put her down nearlly all night I just loved it so much (as opposed to being terrified I was doing it all wrong and that my baby was going to die of cot death!).

Just try to be as calm as you can do all the usual stuff baths music etc and cuddle up to loved ones especially your little girl as she will love the fuss.

very best of luck hope everything goes well x

estobi1 · 21/03/2011 21:36

second the epidural - feels like a warm ray of sunshine hitting your body - well worth it!

inthespringtime · 21/03/2011 21:43

Nothing is wrong with you! You are perfectly normal. To be honest I was shitting it more the second time round, think it was because I knew what I had ahead of me
Just think of the positives, the first time you give birth you have no idea what is ahead/how close you are/when to tell your birthing partners to shut the fuck up
Second time round, you know the amazing feeling you will experience at the end. You know that it feels all worthwhile. You know that the pain ends and you will end up with the the most beautiful baby and you will be so proud of yourself.
All the best xx

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 21:59

Thank you all soooo much! I don't think it helps that my partner seems to be totally disconnected from this whole experience this time. Keeps blaming my tears and the need to have him around at the moment on 'Hormones' (I could punch his lights out at the moment). Hasn't helped that he has just walked in and said 'if this baby comes in the next 2 or 3 days would it be alright for me to go to (insert something not nearly as important as a new baby) on Sunday'. It's like this whole thing is not even on his radar and is just going to happen. Not remembering that we have a 2 year old and potentially a new baby by Sunday!!! A*hole. What does he think is going to happen? That I am just going to go through labour and fall into the role of mother of 2 without any assistance from him. Thing is I am not even angry, just really said that he wouldn't even be thinking of me.Am I being hormonal and unreasonable?

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Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 21:59

I meant really sad not said!

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 22:03

No, you're most certainly not unreasonable.

Unless it's a very important business meeting/ visiting a dying relative etc nothing can be more important than staying by your side and doing his part of the job.

I would be and I am usually very relaxed about DP going out etc-ie not possessive at all.

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 22:08

I never used to feel needy but right now due to DP being constantly busy feel really demanding and needy!!! I appreciate that we don't know when this event is going to happen but I just want him around as my support and he doesn't appear to want that role or he has turned into an insensitive Arse! Wants to be there for the glory moment though, that's not enough for me. I am (sad) and (angry) and (confused). I still cannot believe he would even ask the question instead of just keeping his mouth shut and putting his hobbies on hold until the safe arrival of our little baby.

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 22:16

Hmm, some guys can be a bit insensitive and impractical, but you would think that being a father would change that

At the same time you might be slightly hormonal and oversensitive yourself (I know I was). Don't stress, just tell him NO, you will not feel comfortable with it.

Does he want to go if the baby's already here or if it isn't born yet? If the former, no way, if the latter-well, if it's a couple of hours-sure. But not a whole day, no.

estobi1 · 21/03/2011 22:18

you are not being unreasonable to want him around now. I completely understand - when the event happens you will go into the zone and just do it. The anticipation is the worst bit.

He is probably conscious of the fact that stuff is going to be crazy very shortly and is desparately seeking some me time. In my experience the harder you push the more distant he will be. have you got friends or a mum close by? I am sure they could provide you with the cla that you need

winnybella · 21/03/2011 22:19

Hmm, OTOH second labours can be very fast and you're already 39+5...if you're relaying on him to take you to the hospital, I wouldn't probably be happy with even a few hours. Yes, you're right and he's wrong

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 22:27

He said if the baby is here can he go! Like his job is done as long as he is there for the labour! I've said no but it's made me upset now and I can't talk to him without crying. He is just looking at me like I'm some kind of irrational, neurotic woman for saying he can't go out to 'play'. If the baby isn't here of course I would rather have him close by as he is my lift to hospital and where he wants to go is over an hour away! But I would rather guage it on the day rather than him commit himself to something. No family closer than an hour away and friends yes but all have their own family commitments!! Thanks for your kind replies, makes me feel a little better.x

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 22:33

Ha ha ha. Well, he's clearly deluded.

But how was he with your first dc? Hands on or not?

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 22:45

Complicated as he has a DD from previous marriage! He was far more 'present' with the first but then I don't think I needed him so much. I've needed help with our 2 year old this time as have had bad back pain etc. He is terribly over committed work wise and with his committment with other DD. Leaves little time for us.
Had a bit of a nightmare initially after last labour as he insisted that DD from previous marriage satyed with us 2 days after our little girl was born (I was struggling with BF etc and could have done without it) this in turn has put me very much in my place as to where I come in the pecking order! Maybe he just does not like the new needy me and is desparately seeking his independence. I think we are just in a downward spiral maybe. NOT the best time to be in this place though. Or maybe he is just selfish with his time.

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estobi1 · 21/03/2011 22:55

Step parenting is soo hard - you are entitled to feel the way you do right now and I would have been off the scale banshee woman! Just stick you wour litlle girl - the rewards that they can give you outweigh everything. Can you do some nesting? x

estobi1 · 21/03/2011 22:57

sorry for my poor typing!

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 23:03

Trust me the Banshee has put in an appearance!! I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore and sadly feel a little despondent and sad. Really worried that my current mood (low) will have an impact on this whole birth experience. Anyway enough moaning I shall try and pull myself together. I'll go and watch my DD sleeping (that always makes me feel blessed) and try and focus positively on what is to come.x

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winnybella · 21/03/2011 23:10

Good luck
Do come back and update us, will you?

Original poster

clarkland · 21/03/2011 23:12

Most definitely thank you!x

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