2nd degree tear, years on and i hate what it's done, anyone care to share

[piratecat]

living with this gaping roomy entrance (porch) of a vagina has always got me down.
I jest but it's never been something that i have come across even talking to mates.

I had a traumatic birth and tore and grazed on clitoris and labia too. I know i didn't have a 3rd or 4th degree tear. Yet i only got stitched by some bloke under a local on the bed, the midwife didn't want to do it.

I always felt that i hadn't been done properly, but subsequent follow up in outpatients 6 months on to treat a scar, when i asked. Well the nurse said i looked ok, the doc said 'we don't do designer vaginas you know'.

I was just so shocked by the difference with mine, so i have come to the conclusion that my erm opening was very narrow. Maybe that has made it seem so so bad now. I am 8 yrs on from the birth, and bad treatment my midwife generally, coupled with this has had a negative effect on me. I am single so it was okish when i was with dh, as he obviously knew what had happened.

I went to my gp before xmas becuase of bladder probs and she said i have stil got the slight front wall prolapse, but it's not too bad.

But, my whole vagina has no elasticity anymore, and the opening makes it rubbish. It make me feel so sad that sex feels of nothing. Does anyone else live a saggy old cloth cat puss of a vag.

!! it's not funny i know but i would love to hear.

i think i would need to find a bloke with a huge todger to feel anything!!

lump

Hello you are not on your own I had an episiotomy and the very worst thing I ever did was take a look with a hand mirror to see if it was healing properly as intercourse was painfull. Frankenstein Foo! It has changed everything for me and made me very self conscious. It just looked so badly stitched up and ugly. My husband said it doesn't make a difference but I am sure it must as it does for me. Sorry i can't offer any words of encouragement but at least you are not on your own.
hugs x

sorry to hear

does your dh say you have changed inside? have you experienced any of what i described?

I am so embarrassed to have no ridgey bits inside anymore. dd was only 6lbs but flew out after 2 hrs pushing.

When i was a teen a doctor actually said to me ( when examiningme) oh you are a bit tight there yes. Also i always had quite an uncomfortable time with intercourse b4 having dd. Just at the start iyswim.

It's very shocking to be changed so much isn't it, when you consider yourself to be quite well informed etc..

I have a friend who has had 3 children and is a very little person and has seen/felt little difference in her vagina, internally or externally. It's odd!

OP - am sad to read about your emotions about this, esp so far on from when your DC was born. Also, how you were treated by health care professionals wasn't great :(

Just to give another pov.... I had DS 13 months ago, and had a 2nd degree tear. Unlike you I tore at the back of my vagina opening, closer to my bum, rather than towards the clitoris like you did.

It took many months to heal and I had to make several trips to community midwife and a few different GPs before anyone took me seriously and looked at it.

Praise God, it healed on its own and I was able to cancel the appointment which had been made for me to have surgery to fix it.

However, yes it is 'healed' and I am able to have sex like I used to. DH reports that it feels the same as it ever did.

For me though, it still aches at times, esp when I have my period. Sex in some positions is not 100% comfortable and sometimes if I'm sitting awkwardly the scar will make itself known.

I have NEVER taken a look at my bits since DS was born!!!! I just don't want to know!

oh, i tore backwards aswell, the perineum muscle like you. I really feel that the muscle there wasn't repaired properly.

thanks for answering. i really think i was tight beforehand, i looked just like dd does now.

i didn't tear right up to my clitoris, there were lots of grazes and a fewchunks missing from my inner labia right near the vaginal opening, and then there was a tear at the side of the clitoris.

I really feel for any woman who has suffered from giving birth as such. I have had 2CS and one natural. My natural was fine, but they later realised she tore me inside with her nails or something. I also had a torn labia. I feel I got off lightly. It took about a year to have sex completely painless and it def is a lot more roomier in there (I can fanny fart on demand and never used to be able to - so sorry if TMI !) They did try to sew the labia, but I am left with an extra flap of skin. Thank the Lord, my clitoris is unscathed !!!!

My bladder is OK now, but it took a while to recover and of course it will never be the same.

Anyway, big hugs to you brave ladies, and as I said, I got off lightly.

For my third I had an ELCS and it was the best birth by far (first was an EMCS, second natural). What a novelty not having my bits hanging off or being in agony for months on end. My recovery was quick.

It's weird, but it hurts 'down there' when I try to push in this heavy drawer we have got with my foot. What muscle that is, I don't know ! But 2 and a half years on, I am still feeling the affects of a natural birth (and she was only 6lb 3oz !) Her head was above average though.

As I said...big hugs. I know I am lucky.

quick reply as doing morning things, but you did have some trouble there!

thanks for replying. I had spd too, birthed on my back, feet in stirrups, drug to accelerate contractions. death preferable it felt thru most of it.

had i gone on to to consider another, i would have prob gone for an elective section. well i think i would, i am prob so stretched now a baby would fall out.

i believe dd had a rather big head too, germanic genetics. her head is only 3cm smaller than mine now!!

I'm not sure if DS had a bigger than average head, but he did weigh 8lb 6oz at birth.

From friends who have been cut, or have torn during labour very few of them say that their bits ever return 100% to normal :(

I had a 8lb 9oz-er a few weeks ago, and a 2nd degree tear as dc flew out at the end. It frickin' hurts, but am too scared to look, not too sure where the tear is, but front and back hurt.
6 week check next week and will get my v foxy dr to check things are healing as they should, and will insist on getting re-checked.
Don't spose fanjo size really matters as I'm never having sex again ...

I had internal tears and an epi with DS who was 9lbs 6oz. It took the consultant 1.5 hours to sew me up.

There is definitely a difference, I am roomier at the 'entrance' but further in still ok (so DH says anyway ). I think having it properly repaired made all the difference.

When I had DD I had small first degree tears going up, but found I was very stretched after labour- I did Kegels religiously after DS because everything was so bad, but not after DD which is why I think it took longer for things to improve.

I am 39 weeks and determined to do proper exercises again this time, every time baby feeds. I think it made all the difference and after 3 pgs in 4 years I need all the help I can get.

I read on another thread you can get something called a Kegel 9 which does pelvic floor exercises for you- it looked expensive but if I am not happy after DC3 I might give it a go!

Sorry you feel so bad Piratecat , it is definitely different after a baby but it doesn't mean you can't ever have good sex again, or that a partner won't want you. Try going back to the docs if it is really worrying you, I agree it sounds like you were treated really badly.

From your post OP, it sounds as though your midwife had asked a doctor to repair the tear because it was more severe than she was comfortable dealing with. (Sorry if that is irrelevant, but I had the impression from thet OP that you might have felt that the midwife couldnt be bothered and had passed the task on for that reason, when it is more likely that she didnt feel able to manage - obviously at the end of the day you are still left with the same result!)

I found Kegel exercises very helpful, IMO you have to do a lot each day to make a difference, but then it was noticable fairly quickly.

Hey I know this is old thread but how you coping 11 years later ?

I would book in another appointment with a different doctor. This is affecting your wellbeing (make clear how it’s making you feel) and it’s not about how it looks.. you’re not asking for a designer vagina, you’re asking for a functioning one, it’s about the fact you don’t have a properly functioning vagina if it’s gaping. I am the same after my episiotomy and I will be pursuing treatment. I would make a complaint to PALS about how you were treated for a legitimate concern.