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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Ahem.... sex after birth?

16 replies

matana · 12/03/2011 13:38

So it's 16 weeks since our DS entered the world. Sorry if TMI but we've had sex and, to be frank, it feels bloody uncomfortable. I hoped after the first time it would feel better the next time, but it didn't. It's not scream-out-in-pain bad, it's just not enjoyable and i feel awful about it because we used to be very intimate and enjoy it. I love DH more than anything, but i just don't feel like it and it's like i've almost developed a fear of doing it now. I find myself turning him down a lot and making excuses.

Nobody told me it wouldn't be enjoyable any more, or how uncomfortable it would still feel 4 months on from the birth.

Is this normal?
Does it get better?
When?

OP posts:

sunndydays · 12/03/2011 13:40

Are you breastfeeding? If you are then you can be quite umm dry down there which can make it uncomfortable? Lots of lube might help

Original poster

matana · 12/03/2011 13:44

Yes i am breastfeeding. Had no idea about that though! Someone should write a book "What they don't tell you about having a baby"....

OP posts:

Mothigail · 12/03/2011 13:47

7.5 months in - still no sex, still too painful. I'm not sure what the solution is for me yet (am I anxious? who knows), but just wanted you to know that not everyone gets, um, straight back down to it. My sister tells me she didn't bother again for a couple of years...

architien · 12/03/2011 14:00

Just to check, if you had any stitches it may be worth checking that they have not healed too tight, sometimes although it is rare this does happen.

A lot of ladies from what i can tell have a time after birth where they need to get their head round their new situation and so it's understandable if it takes you longer.

It's not unusual to take months, don't beat yourself up.

Metalhead · 12/03/2011 15:47

6 months here until it felt comfortable again. I too was shocked by how long it took, even after the stitches had healed - no one warns you about that!

Original poster

matana · 12/03/2011 16:12

I did have a 2nd degree tear and stitches, but thought everything was back to normal. Might get checked if it doesn't improve.

Feel a bit better knowing i'm not alone though. It's not something people tend to talk about, so you assume everyone gets back to it quickly.

OP posts:

rasta · 12/03/2011 16:58

Took just over 6 months before we started doing the deed again. Had 2nd degree tear like you, but the external stitches were done a bit wrong (could visibly see that). Was also breastfeeding. It does get easier, but talk to your GP if you feel it's an issue for you.

Metalhead · 12/03/2011 22:24

2nd degree tears here too. Do get your GP to check you out if you're worried, but in all likelihood you'll just have to be patient.

I think women should be warned that it can take months to get back to normal after giving birth, rather than just saying it should all be healed after 6 weeks - that doesn't mean you're not going to feel pain or discomfort for a long time afterwards!

Beveridge · 13/03/2011 21:49

Too scared (and knackered!)to even attempt it till DD was 6 months (had forceps and episiotomy).

Found it really uncomfortable using condoms, much better without.And with lubricant.

Also felt my ep scar quite a lot during, but I did read somewhere that the more sex you have ,the more scar tissue will break up/loosen off and I have to say I think that's true.

On the plus side, within a few months of trying to get back in the saddle I did notice that I am now more (ahem) 'responsive' than I ever was before - which apparently is common after giving birth, even though it doesn't seem to make sense given what your poor froufrou has been through!

I do remember the 'what is the point in this?' phase v. well, though but it passes!

naturalbaby · 13/03/2011 21:56

took me so long after ds2 arrived i got lazy with the pill so when we did it resulted in a dc3!

WidowWadman · 14/03/2011 11:21

Breastfeeding and Cerazette meant the need for lots of lube and strong preference for non-penetrative srx in my case. It was certainly a noticeable difference when I came off Cerazette and weaned around the same time 18 months post CS

CalmInsomniac · 15/03/2011 16:18

Hi there. I had a 2nd degree tear, which apparently healed no problems but was still uncomfortable while DTD up to 10 months later. I think at about 10 months I finally said to DH, wow that's not uncomfortable any more. It was just a bit zingy on being stretched if you see what I mean. I remember having a speculum at 12 weeks postpartum for having the coil and I was crying with the pain.
We still only manage about once a month tho (at 14 months) as just too tired the rest of the time.

chelstonmum · 15/03/2011 17:14

Hi a good 6mths before it was enjoyable. Tried after 9weeks and hated it, sore, tense and not feeling sexy at all with leaky boobs and wobbly bits!

Try doing other things with each other to help you relax and remember intimacy is not all about intercourse, and you are far from alone.

first1 · 22/03/2011 15:47

About 6-7 months postpartum for me. And that was after undergoing a restitch at 3months postpartum.

Two words for the first time DTD: F ME! Soo soo painful. Possibly even worse than losing your V plates all over again. Well that was in December and only managed another 3 times since due to being knackered all the time and still a strong sense of fear over the whole thing, but each time has eased a bit.

Smear test in 3 weeks, NOT looking forward to a speculum one bit.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/03/2011 15:52

I think it took us about 6 months. Don't pressure yourself, 16 weeks is still very soon in the grand scheme of things :)

galonthefarm · 24/03/2011 21:11

tried after about 6 I think (wedding anniversary..) was painful I remember...

I know its hard (sorry, pun not intended!) but try to relax and remember why you want to do it..
try some lube if you're worried, I found it didn't really become enjoyable until after about 6 months and also after I stopped breastfeeding, as that I think can "dry up" (crikey this is really weird talking about this!!) down there...

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