Horror of first birthcausing doubts

[HopeCalvary]

I had a terrible 30 hour labour. No gas and air until the last couple of hours. Then I was allowed in the birthing pool for the last half hour or so gave birth and tore right through to my botty, I wasn't given a single stich. Over a year later when the appointment came around, I was told I needed an operation to fix it. Two months before his second birthday I had the operation.

It's been about five months now and I feel so much better. I always wanted another child. My mum kept ignoring when I spoke about it as she suffered so much for me before (she was at the birth). I wouldn't do another natural birth.

My husband is very supportive. I don't like telling people the real reasons why I'm scared. As it embaresses me. Please help, I really need someone to talk to who isn't someone I know!

Sounds horrific! They didn't stitch a tear that went all the way through?!?!?! That is shocking. And why were you not allowed G&A or the pool for nearly 30 hrs? Or were you not at hospital? I think you probably have a case for ELCS or at least a very medically managed birth for next time.

This is one of those cases where it's fantastic that you can ask for an elective section, if that's what you'd like.
All the best.

I went into labour at 4pm sunday. I tried to sleep. I was getting contractions every 7 mins. At 9am they were every 4 mins so I went to the hospital. They told me to walk about before they would let me in as they were busy. So I walked around with my mum until about 12pm when they let me in. I had written gas and air on my birth plan.

They were very busy, and I didn't know what you were supposed to do. I'd never done it before, I thought they would bring it to me. At about 8pm they told me I was doing really well, and I asked for gas and air and they were like 'oh okay then' they also seemed to have been running the birthing pool for hours.

Also on my birth plan!

At about 9:40pm they let me in the birth pool. I gave birth shortly after. I had a massive bleed. I had another bleed on the toilet where I passed out and woke up in a bed with an oxygen mask.

I had another two following bleeds at home which where like I'd wet myself completely only with blood. These were between 1 and four or five days later. I called the hospital. They said not to come in unless it didn't stop.

I had about a million midwife checks before and after hospital, with all their students, and everything like you all know. But no-one spotted my terrible tear. I knew something was wrong. But no-one seemed bothered.

It took a whole year to get properly checked. And another year for the op.

But yes, thankfully there are c-sections. Please could anyone tell me a c-section has good results?! I don't mind the pain. It's the lifestyle that hurt me so bad when I was torn right through. If you know what I mean. That caused me some really down times!

Hello hopecavalry

firstly thank you for having the courage to write this down and share it with us.

You aren't alone in feeling like this and women who have had such traumatic first births can be very deeply affected.

There is a wonderful helpline you can call anonymously to speak with people who will listen to you talking about your first birth and how you now feel without interupting or judging you. Here are the contact details: www.sheilakitzinger.com/birthcrisis.htm I'd really encourage you to give them a call as it can be such a huge help.

Perhaps after that you might feel like arranging a debrief with the hospital you were at for your birth? They could talk you through your notes and give you some clarity on what happened. You can also request a copy of your notes for a small-ish fee.

If you decide to have another baby talk to your midwife about your concerns. If you had a very severe tear you should be offered an appointment with a consultant to discuss your birth options and request an ELCS if you want to. You can also request one if you feel your first birth has left you too traumatised for a natural birth this time round.

A doula would be a great help in this instance - to debrief your birth with, support you in getting the kind of birth you want this time and help you with your birth plan (even for an ELCS - there are lots of ways to make this YOUR birth). www.doula.org.uk

You sound like a very strong woman and you will get through this.

Planned C-section is a really well practised operation and is generally thought of as safe. (Of course there are the normal risks of surgery.) It's not the "easy" option as recovery can be physically a bit hard, but saying that to someone who's had the post-birth physical problems you've had seems ridiculous. It varies anyway, some women are up and about within the week.
I do agree about talking it through, too.

Thankyou so much squiggley,

to even know that there is a helpline is really great. I wish I'd have known that before. I must say I'd be slightly nervous of the debreif as when I tried to ask questions when I saw the opstertrician, ( he told me surgeons only check women if they suspect a tear otherwise midwifes do it and often don't spot them, so I asked 'why then does a surgeon not check every woman just to be sure?' he said something like 'hold on, lets not point fingers'

He also didn't listen very much to me, he seemed in a great hurry. Which is understandable. I know the hospitals are very busy.

But it's certainly worth calling and asking advice. Thankyou so much :)

Thankyou Ooid. I certainly will keep an open mind about it. But I will persist if it's what I decide on. I feel I was walked over a bit last time. I begged them to let my mum stay with me over night the second night as I didn't have the strength to leave my bed or stand straight.

But they wouldn't let her in. Neither would they release me to let me home. Going to be more outspoken this time around. But obviously in a polite way!