I was so looking forward to this homebirth I've been fighting tooth and nail to get, and now, at 40 + 4 I'm nor sure I can do any of it, I m not sure I can give birth to dc3 or how im going to look after her or cope with life in general. Everything was looking great, we tried for a few months to get pregnant, I got the little girl I was wishing for, but after Xmas, everything fell apart. In feb my beloved grandad died, then my partner started making digs about eveything from my increased weight to acussing me of wanting to have an affair! Then a few weeks ago, I found out he has been taking money out of our savings account, he was staying out and I think he was having an affair with his boss. He has been complaining I'm being a nag about keeping the house clean (I do get a bit hyper over germs when I'm pregnant, but as this is our 3rd, it's nothing new) my mum thinks he has been pushing my buttons so I chuck him out, so he doesn't feel guilty about leaving 3 kids, he done that to his 1st 2 from aprevious relationship. This all came to a head on Sunday, the day before my due date and my late grandads birthday, he said some hurtful things, and told me to leave as the kids don't want me anyway, and told my 3 year old to tell me he is scared of me. So I told him to leave as the kids are scared. He said gladley, I havn't seen him scince. I'm now in town I don't have any friends or famliy, my mum is a good 2 hours away. So will be giving birth alone, which I don't mind, but am worried about the kids if I get transfured to hospital. I can't stop crying and don't want to be a single mum of 3, just don't think I can do it :( I'm not sleeping and keep thinking I wish I wasn't pregnant, which makes me think how evil I must be for thinking this way. Sorry about the rant, but I just need to get somethings of my chest.