Talk to me about your homebirth, please!

[wolfhound]

Deciding whether or not to go for a homebirth with DC3 (both previous ones in hospital, very straightforward, relatively quick births). Things that are bothering me are...

1. what if something serious goes wrong, then there's a delay getting to hospital.

1. what if DCs wake up / are freaked out by noise?

1. DH and my mum both not very keen, so perhaps not fair on them (my mum will be at the house to look after DCs)

1. what if midwives don't arrive (if it's very busy or something...)

On the pro-side, i like the idea of not being in hospital environment, i know the stats for low-risk pregnancies (like mine) are very good, we are only 1.5 miles from the hospital, and would love to just be at home afterwards.

Any info/tips from anyone would be great. Also, what did you have prepared at home (equivalent of a hospital bag, i suppose but extra things?)

Most of your questions are answered here

Or ask them here

1: Things are less likely to go suddenly wrong: you will have a MW with you continually as things progress, much better than someone popping in and out every few hours. They will be very cautious.

1. Show them births from here Prepare them. And you are far more likely to labour when they are asleep or out anyway

1. Why not? Get your DH to read this and this

1. You'll have to talk this through with your MW. If they are busy they are far more likely to "insist" you go to hospital.

There's an equipment list here

I loved my homebirth!

Like you it was DC3. Both previous DCs were hospital births - straightforward, longest labour was 9 hrs.

My youngest was 7 and my oldest 12 so I was able to explain to them beforehand what was likely to happen - the oldest woke up on the morning of my homebirth thinking Darth Vader was in the house - but it was me on the G&A!

My DH wasn't keen at first but my MW came to the house to do a standard risk assessment and talked to him about emergency hospital transfers etc - we are 8 miles from the hospital - so she estimated less than 10 mins with blue lights and sirens.

As it was I had my fastest labour - 3 hours in total and I gave birth in my own bed. My lovely DS got to meet his big sisters before they went to school and they had photos taken to show all their friends. I had by then given him a BF and had a cuddle while the MW gathered their equipment etc.

Any "mess" was taken away by the MW and I had a lovely long soak in my own bath with a cup of tea. When I got out the bath my bed was made and DS was asleep in his moses basket. I had the basket made up in the spare room with vest and babygro inside along with a nappy bag already filled with nappies, cotton wool etc., so my DH knew exactly where to find things and wasn't faffing around!

I was very lucky as the MWs that delivered me were already known to me (both mums at DD2's school). I was told that if there were a lot of births happening when I went into labour then I would be asked to come into hospital - but luckily that wasn't the case.

About two weeks before the earliest time that I could have a home birth a MW came to the house with all the medical equipment. I got a prescription for some mepted (sp?) at about 38w and had that on standby in case I needed it. The info from the MW stated that we should provide snacks and drinks for the MW (probably in case the labour was long or slow moving). I bought some fancy biscuits which weren't touched as everything went so quickly - they didn't even have a cup of tea.

I think I relaxed more at home. On the down side you are more likely to be back in the thick of it before you know it.

All I can say is that if you feel it is right - go for it but see if your MW will be willing to talk it over with your DH first.

Angelpantser - thank you for a very helpful and reassuring reply! Totally see your point about it being better having midwives with you continually - in my hospital births they were just dashing in and out because so overworked. My second birth was only 2.5 hours, so am thinking the third could be even quicker (hence a home birth might be sensible).

PorkchopSter - thank you for links. I'd seen one of them before but not the others so very helpful. I think my DCs are a bit young for watching birth videos (they're 3 and 18mths) but you're right, i would need to do some preparation. At least if it's night-time, they will be safely in their rooms, would not want them accidentally wandering in (if it didn't stress them out, it would definitely stress me out!)

I think DH is worried because (a) he is always worried to the point of utter panic by my births anyway, (b) he would feel that he might be called on to 'do' more and be worried he'd do something wrong, and (c) if something went wrong there wouldn't be the people there to help. Also, my hospital births have actually been pretty good experiences, so perhaps there's an element of 'if it's not broke'...

My mum is totally anti, probably because she is from the generation that had very medicalised births (she can't even remember her 2 as was so drugged out) and she kind of believes that is how it should be. I think that to her, home birth is a sort of way-out, hippie, crazy idea.

Would love to hear anyone else's personal experiences of home births.

I've had 3 at home (and one at hospital). Do you actually have to tell your mum?

At DC3's birth I had an 1.5 and 3.3 year old watching. We hadn't really done much other than read My Mummy's Tummy House and look at the pictures in Runa's Birth. They were unfazed.

At DC4's birth, DS at 5.5 was adamant he wanted to be there - I think he wanted a day off school - the others at 2.5 and 4 weren't bothered. Once we woke them up (1am ish) they whined on about how long it was taking so I sent them back to bed! We'd watched Home Grown Babies and read Runa's Birth and Hello Baby.

At my NHS HB the MW's cleared up totally, at the IM births it was more of a communual effort of DH clearing and MW making tea and toast

We decided on a homebirth for dd (1st birth) after a depressing tour of the maternity unit at the local hospital (blood-splattered curtains, broken furniture, shared bathrooms, generally grubby and shabby) as did the other 2 couples who were looking round with us! Unfortunately we had to go in to hospital in the end after prm with meconium, although we would actually have been fine at home it was a reasonable precaution.
With ds nearly 5 years later we wanted to achieve that homebirth (despite there being a shiny new maternity unit at said hospital!)and it went like a dream. It was fast (seriously think I might have given birth in a car/ambulance if I had been going to hospital!) and I was so relaxed and able to use the pool we had hired (this could never be guaranteed in the hospital), dd was able to meet her brother just a few minutes old, and I was able to stay in my pyjamas for about 3 days without having that horrible walk to the car with the new baby I remembered from the first time.
I definitely think it's worth working on your dh if it's what you really want.
Good luck!

Loopymumsy & Porkchopster - i can see i am a bit out of touch then since your little ones were unfazed by birth. Think I would still rather have them out of the way though, if only because i like to absolutely concentrate during birth & i would be distracted by watching them. My previous births have been quite fast and intensive so have needed to be very focused to get through them.
Think DH will be fine with making sandwiches and tea - it's more the getting involved with medical stuff that's an issue. Although I might have an issue with him being off making food/drinks - previously I have wanted him right next to me holding my hand the whole time (he doesn't even get to go to the loo). Though I imagine we could get round that one way or another. Maybe I'd be more relaxed about letting go of him at home!
All very helpful. My next MW appointment is in a couple of weeks, so hopefully can discuss with a MW. It's a mixed clinic at my GP, sometimes you get a MW and sometimes a doctor - I got a doctor last time, who looked a bit uncomprehending when I said I wanted a HB. I'm 40, so I think she thought that was a risk factor, though I don't think necessarily so, since I'm low-risk in every other way.

PorkchopSter - I think I do have to tell my mum, as she'll be in the house so will probably notice! :)
Loopymumsy - congratulations on no.4! when is it due? I am early July.

I have had one hospital and one home birth with DC2 ten weeks ago. The HB was great, I was really lucky my midwife who did all my antenatal care was on call and came out for a lot if it then the midwife who took over was lovely. I hired a doula who did a lot of the setting up of the pool and clearing up etc.

I sent my DD (2.10) to my sisters house as I was very loud in labour with her and I didn't want her to be frightened. I also found my labour didn't properly establish itself until I knew she was safely out of the way. Then it was very fast. I was quite vocal right at the end again, so glad she wasn't there and also that I had warned the neighbors!

Some of my family were a bit unsure, but I had a long conversation with my Mum where I went through various scenarious, the risks and the circumstances where I'd transfer in. I also explained about the 1:1 and then 2:1 midwife support and that reassured her. IME the NHs midwives are quite cautious about home and would recommend transfer at first sign of an issue like meconium etc.

In terms of equipment I got some disposable bed mats and shower curtains (never used those) and then just nice food etc. Lots of clean towels and obviously the pool although my doula provided that.

I had a lot of similar concerns to you and decided to plan a HB but if I was still unsure or not happy in labour go into hospital. As it happened I felt totally comfortable and happy at home.

Thanks wholelottalove, that's very helpful. and a good thought that i can plan to go into hospital at any stage if i want to. i do think the increased midwife support is quite an incentive too.

I've not much to add to all that's been posted here already, just wanted to say I had my DD at home 2 years ago and it was the best thing I could have done. Hubby was rather alarmed when I told him my plans but I pointed him at the Homebirth.org website that I'd been reading and he calmed down! Childbirth is such a natural thing to happen and a woman's body is designed to do it. I strongly believe that the more relaxed you are, the more focused and in control you can stay throughout...hypnobirthing cds also helped and I managed to do the whole thing without any pain relief.

We did have a birthing pool set up downstairs but my labour was so fast, by the time the midwife got to me I was in transition upstairs and not shifting for anyone!! Inexperienced as I was, I think we'd just left it a bit late to call her though so don't let that put you off .

I bought a very cheap double duvet from Matalan that we put on the bed and binned afterwards, although tbh the midwives were so good there wasn't any mess.

My DD was born in my bed, in my own room, with the lights low. She came out calm as anything and barely uttered a squeak before having a go at a feed, then hubby fed me buttery toast and hot choc as we all had a cuddle in bed together. Couldn't have been better .

Whatever you choose, I hope you have an easy time and congratulations x

I have had four homebirths now; the first was on a narrowboat, so very interesting!

With all of them I found it wonderfully normal to just change the sheets, have a bath run for me, and having subsequent kids coming into bed to meet the new arrival!

Each time, they have slept through it all, barr DC3's birth, as it was early evening, where they raced in as soon as they heard him cry!

My Mum has been at all the births, but mainly checking on sleeping kids/ holding the fort etc. She has said it was the most wonderful privilege to be at her Grandchildren's births: and she was dubious about the first one!

I have been so lucky having fantastic midwives and I think I probably flet much more chilled and in control than if I were in an alien environment.

Each time I inform MWs I would like a HB, I am always ready to absolutely change that plan and birth in hospital if at any point during pregnancy it looks like labour may be iffy.

I lived about the same distance as you from our local hospital: my MWs (bearing in mind over the last 12 years!) have all been pro HBs, as they said they find them so much more personable and relaxed, which makes for a better birth.

I always packed a bag 'just in case'. Never prepared anything other than having a good anglepoise for examination afterwards; MWs have always brought big waterproof things, and I just chucked a lot of old towels about the place, as I like to mince about in labour!

DC1, 12 yrs ago: Born in bed
DC2, 8 years ago; Born in the bath
DC3, 3 years ago; Born in bed
DC4, 5 months ago: Born on sofa!

Good luck in your decision: just remember, try to be where you will feel the most safe and relaxed, wherever that ends up being..

Have you considered a doula? Just reading your post about wanting your DH with you all the time.
I have been a doula at a few homebirths now and usually for similar reasons (to help partners feel less tense)
I atended a birth recently where my client wanted her DH in the pool with her.
He had inadvrtently added too much cold, so I spent an hour or two taking out buckets and filling up with hot from the kettle and saucepans on the stve (boiler had stopped). they also had a 13 year old DD present so I was there to reassure her and keep her company. I also made tea and toast etc for everytone.
At another homebirth I was ion standby in case the toddler woke in the night, I also cokked a casserole for everyone to share after the labour (which we did with a bottle of champagne!)
Another homebirth came 2 weeks early so I went shopping at the 24hour supermarker at 4am for them as they had nothing in!
So lots of varied jobs!
I love homebirths (planning one myself in July)
Selina x

I had a really positive home birth with my DD after a straight-forward hospital birth with DS.

All the positives have been covered off above. My MIL particularly was about the prospect (she lives in Australia where it's virtually unheard of and they stay in hospital for several days after delivery!).

I used these points to help convincer her:

1. The MWs are soooo cautious, any vague hint of an issue before labour and they would advise against it. Any vague hint of an issue during labour and you would be blue-lighted in to hospital.
2. If you are going in to hospital on a blue light, the MW would call ahead to have everything prepped for arrival, the same as if you were in hospital. We live 5 mins away from the hospital so this means if I had needed an emergency CS for example, it would be no slower than if I'd been in hospital in the first place and was just being transferred from the labour ward to theatre. This should answer your Q1 and Q3.
3. You have a MW with you the whole time which is reassuring and also consistent (in hospital they change shifts.)

Re. Q2 - could you not get your mum to take the DCs somewhere else? DS was 2.4 and I didn't want to spend labour concerned that he'd be scared of my noises so my mum came and took him out.

Re. Q4 - When you call the MW they will give you an ETA. If they absolutely cannot come and there is no-one you will be advised to come in. There wouldn't be a situation that they just wouldn't turn up! In my case, she took an hour by which time I was nearly ready to push so there was no time for the 2nd midwife to arrive. It didn't matter though.

Good luck and HTH.

Had ds2 at home.

He was born at 11.30pm. Older 2 slept through the whole thing, though had my mum on standby in case was a long/noisy birth.

Midwife arrived when waters broke just to see what was happening, listen in and stuff. Went away to pick up gas and air. Came back when we rang because I went from no contractions to urge to push in about 1 hr, arriving 10 mins before DS2. Second midwife arrived shortly after ds2. Bed changed for me. Shower. Cup of tea. In bed, co-sleeping.

DD who was 6 woke about an hour after he was born, and nipped upstairs to our room to see him. DS1 was oblivious.

DS1 was supposed to be born at home, but when we rang there were no midwives, so while we could have waited, we didn't, and went into hospital. He was born about half an hour later and I used the fact that should have been at home to get discharged about 1 and a half hours after he was born (about midnight).

The homebirth was amazing. Just falling asleep in my own bed, with ds2 beside me. Bliss.

Hiya,

am planning my 3rd HB (4th birth)

is really worth it, they have everything set up, they can get you to hospital quick if needed, theres really no mess, well no more than at hospital.

Its a fantastic experience!

1. what if something serious goes wrong, then there's a delay getting to hospital.

I've had two fantastic HBs, but I knew that I was only a few minutes from hospital by ambulance if the necessity arose. (It didn't thank god.) Have since moved house and would now be a lot further from hospital, so not sure if I would choose a HB here. I like to think that I would, but totally aware of the fact that it could take at least half an hour to get to a hospital.

1. what if DCs wake up / are freaked out by noise?

My parents looked after DS, he was very young and I didn't really want him running around or getting involved.

1. DH and my mum both not very keen, so perhaps not fair on them (my mum will be at the house to look after DCs)

It's your birth, it's down to you. Get them to read some of the very good literature about HB, you're probably safer and almost certainly get better care than you would in a hospital. (I had a minimum of two midwives all to myself.)

1. what if midwives don't arrive (if it's very busy or something...)

I'm not sure how often this happens...

I can be a bit evangelical about HBs, I really enjoyed both of mine. It's a lovely feeling knowing that your children were born in your house, and that you can get into your own bed afterwards with tea and toast. And also you have much more control over your own labour, which was very important for me. Good luck with your decision!

Had both my DDs at home. It was easily the best experience(s) of my life. Am almost entirely sure this is because they were born at home, with DH catching the babies!

I also can be a bit evangelical about HBs - I am a control freak as well, and although I knew that during birth, a lot of that control is taken away from you, I wanted to increase the chances of having the birth I wanted and felt having them at home would help me do this. I did. Absolutely everything on my birth plan was adhered to, even up to the point of having DH put clean sheets on the bed to climb into after the final job (placenta) had been dealt with. Was truly magical - am jealous you are (possibly) going to get to do it soon!

catbus, home birth (boat birth?) on a narrowboat - wow!

selina - yes, good point about the doula. In fact am definitely having a doula (had one for both my hospital births too). She is very positive about home births and is the one getting me really thinking about it. Good point that she could be making tea etc. if I want DH glued to my side! Love the idea of the casserole cooking! I am always starving afterwards.

Thanks all for really helpful positive comments. Feeling reassured now that there would not be any delay getting to OR if that was (hopefully unlikely to be) necessary. Seeing midwife soon, so will discuss with her.