Should I let my daughter be at home birth?

[mummybto3]

Hi, I know there was a similar topic posted earlier, but my situation is a little different in that I am thinking of asking my daughter if she would like to be at the birth of her new brother / sister due in August. She will be 9 and a half by then. Obviously if she doesn't want to or shows little interest then I will make other arrangements for her, but do you think it's a good idea to give her the choice. Anyone else done it and been pleased / regretted it??

This will be my fourth child, I have two boys besides my daughter, aged 6 and 3, I haven't considered them being there, but interested to hear about others' experiences.

This will (hopefully if all goes to plan) be my 3rd home birth.

Thanks!

I think it would be nice if that is what your DD wants. It very much depends on her personality. It could be a very special time for her.

I would have her watch some births on Discovery Home and Health or similar to see if she feels she would like that.

I don't have any experience but if it were me I would discuss it with her, maybe watch a birth video with her and let her decide. If she did I would have an adult who is there for her to answer questions and even take her away if it was too much for jet.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than having to worry about my 9 year old while pushing a baby out. And I would worry, I wouldn't want to show it hurt so it would inhibit me. She won't be able to help that much so might feel a bit useless. Do you actually want her there or is it just that you think she might like to be there?

Thanks for your replies..

Yes, preparation is key I guess, plenty of material on Discovery H & H.. !

Good idea to have an adult there, in case she feels unsure, thanks, I will definitely bear that in mind if she wants to be there.

Harecare - I don't especially want her there, no. You're right to point that out though, it would be stressful to be worrying about your child's reactions. However, I know what I am like usually, I tend to go into my own world anyway and don't pay too much attention to others, just need husband's hand to squeeze! Also I haven't had complicated labours - so with any luck I will not traumatise her

I suppose I was thinking that as this will be my last child, and she is a little older now, that it would be a unique opportunity to be at a birth until (hopefully!) one day it is her own turn.

Thanks for your responses x

Just had HB number 4; really would have liked them to be present, but each time, they have slept through it all..

I think watching birth videos is good. It depends on whether you can really handle her being there; is she the kind of girl who will ask constant questions or worry if she can see you in a lot of pain etc etc?

Maybe you should see what happens and go with the flow. I've always had my Mum around at the births, which would be good for in case you changed your mind? Good luck!

If she wants to be there then yes I would let her. I would show a couple of birth DVD's first, tell her that you will be in pain but then how happy you will be once her baby brother or sister arrives. Also keep a top on and a sheet over your legs rather than 70's style naked/undignified unless you want to scare her.

I was nine when my brother was born. It was a wonderful bonding experince for my family.

to give you some context my brother was bon at home my mum was attended by both an independant midwife and a doctor. My dad, my uncle and my aunt were there also. so there was plenty of people to help me if i wanted to leave the room. Oh and my mum just wore a t shirt. I don't remember anything very graphic.

I had attended antenatal classes with my parents. as well as reading lots of books ect.

It was my job to tell my mum my brother was a boy.

My friend recently had a home birth and both her DC's were there. DS is 6 and DD is 12. They stayed downstairs (was during the day) while Mum was upstairs labouring with midwife and Dad who both kept popping down to check on them and update them. They both found it a very positive, bonding experience.

Ah, thankyou all so much for all your lovely positive stories. I am hoping that for my daughter, I may be able to show her that birth can be a wonderful experience, as so much of what we see and hear about is negative and frightening. I love the way you describe your young children eating fish fingers and watching Mulan, Loopymumsy. Such lovely, ordinary family scenes, children are sometimes so unimpressed by what we think is extraordinary!! Brought tears to my eyes! Good luck with no. 4 :)

Im planning on having my dd (10) with me at homebirth in a few weeks and ds (3) as well, have told them it hurts, but its worth it and if they want to leave the room they can, and dd wants to see how it goes, ds is very interested as he has been to appointments and even had a go on the doppler! doc or mw in the making?! lol Im hoping them being around will calm me and keep me grounded :) and they inturn will feel calm. hazchem, how lovely to hear it from the 'childrens' side, glad you had such a nice experiance of your little bother being born, hope it gave you a great bond, thats what i'm hoping for my dc :)

Thanks mannicmummyhavinaiccy - nice to hear that someone else is doing it! Hope it goes well, would love to hear how it goes, if you have time after birth! Best of luck x

I was about 10 when I was present for the birth of my youngest brother. I am still amazed my Mum let us be there (me and my older 2 siblings and my younger sister, younger brother slept through it and still complains we didn't wake him!) - like you she has since said she didn't really want us there in a way but wanted us to have the oportunity and to feel involved. I remember it VERY fondly even now at 30 and it was amazing for me. My parents gave us all the option and we knew we could leave if we wanted and my gran was on hand too incase we needed some adult company. I was a bit squemish at that age so hovered by the door rather then watching anything too grafic! I remember being very proud to be able to 'help' my Mum to the bathroom soon after and to be passing the doctor clothes for the new baby. We watched a video about all the stages of the babies development in the womb and the birth before hand too. If you can cope with it, it could be amazing for your daughter. I'm not sure I would cope with my child whitnessing me giving birth though!

DD1 was only 3 when DD2 was born and she was absolutely fine, more interested in the tea and toast in bed afterwards lol. I worried about her seeing me in that much pain but young children don't understand that kind of pain (and I'm a quiet labourer).

I planned for DD1 to be there when I had DD3. She was 10 by then and more than happy to be there. She even cut the cord. I hadn't intended DD2 to be there as she was only 6 and generally more anxious than her sister. But by the time she came into the bedroom I was in too much pain to check if she was ok being there. (I had no one else there except the midwife so no-one to look after DD2). But she was absolutely fine too. It was a lovely experience for us all.