If you had a doula, how many did you meet before picking one?

[Tupperwarewolf]

I would really like a doula for my next labour. I met one today who seemed really nice. She recommended that I see a couple more just to check my options I guess, though that wasn't quite how she put it. Not sure I can be bothered really - this one seemed fine, which might not be very enthusiastic praise but I know I'm not someone who takes to people immediately as a general rule. Also I know that in my heart it's because I don't want to have to tell someone that I don't want them

Should I be meeting more doulas before choosing one?

If you feel like you really clicked with her then why look about, but if you're not 100%, then why not meet with one more just so you can compare.

Good luck x

I usually suggest people meet more than one person - even if it's just to confirm that I'm the right one for them.

Sometimes they just ignore me and book me the next day though

If you felt you all totally clicked then go for it but if not then it's worth seeing a couple more.

I didn't meet many doulas before choosing, though I spoke to a couple on the phone. Not everyone was available for the time I needed (due date was Aug 28th, so holiday time) so I wanted to get it sorted in good time. The only reason I met up with more than one was because the one I chose needed some holiday cover for part of the on-call time so I needed to choose who would be the backup.

I'm quite glad I didn't go with the first person I called, but was quite happy to go with the first person I met in person. Maybe call one or two doulas on the phone to check prices / approaches?

By the way, good stuff on choosing to go with a doula. Both DP and I think it's the best money we spent as far as the birth & immediate baby necessities went! I'm sure it saved me having more lasting birth effects - I hd a small tear that I could have had one stitch in, but I didn't bother cos it was that small. Others in my ward who were literally half my age had much tougher times: I know there's a lot of luck in it too but the coaching I got from my doula at the moment of pushing, particularly, was utterly invaluable. And she made us food while I laboured at home! Fantastic job she did - I'd definitely have her again.

Thanks for the replies - will see if I can find another one I like the look of who is available and meet up but if not then will book this one I think :) Not so much that we clicked (I'm just not very clicky!) but I did keep thinking that she was someone who I would be happy to have in the room during labour etc.

Okay, I am possibly being stupid, but where do I look other than doula.org.uk? I'm sure there was another site I used a while ago which threw up much more search results

Nurturing birth

I , as a doula would recommend you do meet perhaps on eor 2 more. Remeber this person is going to be sharing the most intimate and speacial period of your life with you. She is going to discuss your hopes and fears and she must be someone that you and Dh trust 100% and I have to say I always say to potential clients, please try and make sure that dh is happy with the choice too as he will be spending alot of time with her. She is after all there to support him too.

If your baby isn't due yet, then I'm sure there's no rush. Whare abouts in country are you? When is your due date? (roughly)

I just met the one - she had been recommended by two people (through Mumsnet!) and it turned out that she was a friend of a friend, who was also able to vouch for her in glowing terms (not as a doula, but as a general all-round very capable and fab person). DH and I clicked with her really well, liked her as a person and liked her attitude and take on things. So we booked her straight away. But if I hadn't had the recommendations and if she wasn't a known quanity, as it were, I think we would have seen a few more before making a decision.

I met as many as possible and then went with the one I clicked with immediately anyway.

The ones I did not go with I said 'Oh I have found someone who is a trainee and is so much cheaper', which was perfectly true though also a great excuse if you want to not give reasons.

Well Squiggley is my doula for DC2 (due in May) and I'm very naughty because I booked her about two hours after meeting her. I didn't meet, or even speak in detail to anyone else.

However, I really knew staight away that she was the person I wanted, and DH agreed. If I'd had any doubts, I'd have looked around. I think if you know someone is right and you're just looking around because you think you should, you're probably not helping anyone. If you are even 90% sure then I think it's smart to have comparisons.

Also, I'm not a very 'clicky' person, but did feel I connected with my doula. We just seemed to be on the same wavelength for a lot of things. So don't rule out that someone will just feel right.

I ruled people out based on their websites tbh - wasn't looking for a 'touchy feely' type, or one who put strong personal opinions on her website - websites tell you a lot

Awwwwww secondtimelucky, I've come over all bashful!

I usually know when someone is going to book me too - as the click works both ways - so you may find if you need to let someone down gently they will be half expecting it.

Right off to feel warm and fuzzy inside for a bit!

PS thanks Comixminx, I am glad we are doing it, hope DH agrees post-event as I think he is a bit unsure about it atm.

The one I have seen so far hasn't actually attended any births yet, though she does have a couple lined up in the next month. She has been recommended by a MNer who is a doula herself and also her supervisor. She hasn't met DH yet, know that we'll need to do that before booking her.

Lucky, I think we'll have to have a trainee anyway due to financial constraints so can't use that as an excuse sadly.

I'm actually having some trouble finding anyone else I want to contact. Having to have a trainee cuts a few out, then some have no details at all on doulauk except email address, some are too far away and the remainder don't have websites, which I find a bit offputting, but may just have to email instead.

Squiggley, I am actually a little worried that her telling me to see some other people was a kind way of suggesting that we didn't click!

tupperwarewolf, my DP wasn't sure about it at first either, but after the meetings he was more convinced - he made sure to ask some questions too, and of course we also discussed her afterwards to be sure we both felt comfortable enough. After the birth he was really glad we'd had her! There was no way that he'd have been able to do the sorts of things that the doula did at key moments particularly, such as the pushing advice, and what she did at all the other times really freed him to just be there for me. It was the first baby fr both of us so made a real difference.

To be honest, in our first meeting I felt quite similarly to what you do - thinking she was very nice, sounds fine, let's go with that, rather than some mystical "right" feeling. I wouldn't change her fr someone else now, certainly, and I'd have her again another time no question.

I was happy to book mine after the first meeting, and didn't want to bother with anyone else, she was ok with that too, though with the provisio that she wanted to meet dh and talk with him and see if they got on (was a little sensitive as one of the reasons I wanted a doula was I felt somewhat let down by dh in my first birth and that it had contributed to the em-cs)She was great, and we both were really glad we had a doula in the end.

Squiggley .

Tupperware - I don't think that your doula saying you should meet other candidates is saying you didn't click. As far as I can see, it's standard advice that you should meet two or three people. The way I look at it, I wouldn't really trust a doula who didn't say that at some point (either in email/phonecalls beforehand, or at the meeting or both). Even if you're hiring a plumber you're advised to get three quotes, and think how much more important having a baby is. It's one thing to decide you don't need to see other people because you're happy with the person you've met, but that's very different from someone asssuming that you should just meet them.

On the turning down point, there's always something non-personal you can come up with. If in doubt, you can always say "I've decided to go with someone a friend used recently". It's such a personal job that going with a personal recommendation is easy to understand. Or "I've decided to go with someone who lives closer" (unless this one lives next door!). I know it's hard saying no to people, but they are professionals and this is their job. Just like I wouldn't expect to get every job where I attended an interview, and a plumber doesn't expect to get every job they quote for, I don't think a doula expects to get chosen by every couple she meets.

Hope you make a decision you are happy with. When you're specifically looking for a trainee, I wouldn't be too put off by lack of a website. I think a lot of them will email you information. Do bear in mind that a lot of the trainees are just starting out, so may not have had time to do websites yet.

I agree it's really important that you have someone your DH is happy with. DH was really on board with having a doula after a bad time with DD's birth, but he was a bit wary of how hippy they would be. He's very open to ideas like relaxation, mind/body connection, feeling safe and all that type of thing. However, he's quite a practical, straightforward sort of person. He wanted the doula to be someone he felt he could relate to to. You do want those two people to be able to work as a team, and certainly not to feel like you have to facilitate their interactions.

I met up with three, one of whom I got on really well with from the outset and when she came to meet DH he also felt the same way. DD1's birth was about as perfect as you could hope for (at home, fast, relatively painless), and DH now a massive evangelist for the idea of having a doula as we both feel she made a big difference - though we do have unusual circumstances in that my mum's not with us any more and no female relatives this end of the country, so having an experienced mother with us really helped us both.

She was with us again for DD2s birth, we had to go to hospital as she was quite early and there was a lot of pressure to do things I didn't want to (eg lie down for constant monitoring) and she reminded me that I was completely entitled to say no and do things the way we wanted. Also helps that she's on the maternity hospital patient liaison committee so knows how things work!

Totally standard pratice to say that Tupperware - I say it even when thinking 'please book me, you are lovely!'...

Thanks for the reassurance - thought I was probably being a bit sensitive

I've emailed another trainee so will see what she's like but she might be too far away anyway; will probably end up booking the original one as long as she and DH like each other okay :)

Thanks again for hte help!

Hi girls

I am looking for a Doula in SW London and have looked on the main doula website but its so hard just picking randoms to call off a website - there are so many! I would really appreciate any recommendations people might have of who they have booked/met and found nice.

Thanks so much x

Bumpwanted where in SW... I know a few that I'd happily recommend. Also, if you input your postcode you should get the Doulas closest to you geographically in the first instance.

Just to say... when you turn us down, really we don't need excuses etc. We know that it is really important that you get the Doula for you. Occasionally people have turned me down (I know... completely shocking... I'm such a fabulous person.... Wait! I said that out loud right?) I don't mind that they turn me down because there is no point in having me at the birth if I'm not right for you. Then you won't have the safety in birth that you need. I would much rather you booked someone else and however your birth turned out you were 100% happy with your Doula.

We're not competitive. We just want our ladies to have good experiences.

Thanks Mars. I am in the Southfield/Earlsfield area. Any recommendations to get me started would be much appreciated.

Also, at what stage do people book? I am still really early in my pregnancy and I don't want to be silly and book someone before I've even had a scan.

xx

As a doula, I would also recommend meeting at least two doulas, just so you can see if one feels a bit better to you. :)

Now I think you're within Vivienne Rogan's area (I do hope I've remember her surname, am suffering from self-induced "I"ve been out dancing" lack of sleep.

Alison Silvester is also fab. And Lon (you'll find her full name on the Doula website - Find A Doula page).

Let me know if you need more recommendations.

Mars

Thanks again for the replies. Other one I emailed never replied so I seem to only have a choice of one anyway - at least that makes things easy for me!