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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

If you had a traumatic birth

25 replies

jabberwocky · 13/10/2005 12:02

ghosty referred me to this wonderful site on birth trauma. A woman named Cheryl Beck is doing a study on the anniversary of birth trauma. I have sent in my story. Just the process of writing it down and feeling that I may be contributing to something that will help prevent others from going through what I experienced was so healing for me that I wanted to share this with everyone.

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Lio · 13/10/2005 12:26

Wow, that is so timely - just had a weepy flashback last night to horrible hospital experience - seems nutty that it still upsets me 2 years on. I'll bookmark your link, thanks.

Original poster

jabberwocky · 13/10/2005 13:07

I'm two years out as well, Lio. Here's hoping things get better over time for both of us.

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Original poster

jabberwocky · 16/10/2005 09:20

bump

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ETsmum · 17/10/2005 08:08

Going to have a look now - I'm just over 2 yrs past mine. Before I had ds, I really didn't think it was possible to mull something over for SO long. Thanks for the link

jabberwitchy · 17/10/2005 13:27

You're very welcome. It has been very helpful for me.

Redhelen · 18/10/2005 16:58

Thanks

I had a very anxious second preganacy - after a very bad birth expereince having my son. Sadly my second labour turned out to be just as bad! However as I'm not having any more children I can close the issue- however it is a big issue for me that anxious pregnanat women currently get no support - this would never be the case if men had babies! Thanks its good to know women are doing something about it!

jabberwitchy · 18/10/2005 17:56

I'm so sorry to hear that it was no better the second time around. Did you have similar problems or was it something different?

jabberwitchy · 21/10/2005 14:32

bump

MABS · 21/10/2005 17:32

very good website thanks. Have had two emergency sections - one 27 week, one 30 - both horrific.

Redhelen · 21/10/2005 18:34

I had 2 different problems that caused c-sections. It's just bad luck. Most of the ladies on the September thread had good natural births.

jabberwitchy · 22/10/2005 00:40

Oh, MABS and RedHelen how awful for you. Ds was an emergency c-section. It's pretty standard in the states to do an elective the next time around, but I'm still nervous about the other complications I had while pregnant. I wish there were more studies out there about second births after traumatic first ones. Do either of you have problems on birthdays as well?

MABS · 22/10/2005 16:51

I hate by kids' bday, particularly ds as I had about 3 hrs to live I was told afterwards.

jabberwitchy · 22/10/2005 23:39

OMG! It was really useful for me writing everything down for this study on the TABS site. I hadn't been able to bring myself to do it before.

A friend suggested that, at least while ds is little and won't know the difference, to celebrate his birthday on a different day and on the actual day to do something just for me, like go to a day spa or something. I may give it a try next year.

ScarySkribble · 23/10/2005 01:32

Thanks I had a look but even after 9yrs I don't want to put it into words, but just knowing that the stress and problems caused by traumatic birth are being recognised. I have went through it so many times in my head.

I just had lots of people saying "aw well looking at him must make it all seem worthwhile and you will forget all that."

ScarySkribble · 23/10/2005 01:33

I meant to say just knowing ...... helps.

jabberwitchy · 23/10/2005 01:41

9 years, SS...I don't know what to say except that I, too am glad this is starting to be recognized. The other day dh pulled a face when I mentioned something about it and I told him to never do that again. I know he may get tired of hearing about it, and I do try not to talk about it as much (ds is 2) but I am the one who took the brunt of the trauma, not him.

My new therapist is helping somewhat using cognitive behavior therapy. Keeping fingers crossed.

ScarySkribble · 23/10/2005 02:03

I know I took the brunt of it but it was very traumatic for DH too, he didn't say too much at the time but later admitted he thought he was going to lose me and was panicking when i went into theatre and he had to get changed but then they stopped him from coming in while they got me "sorted" he thought he wasn't going to get in. I am so glad we discused what might happen if it ended up being a section as he wouldn't have had a clue as it was just me that read every magazine printed on babies for 9mths.

jabberwitchy · 23/10/2005 14:41

Oh, same here. I read everything I could get my hands on and dh wasn't interested at all. Consequently, afterwards, he was clueless on what to do and I was a mental and emotional wreck and couldn't do anything either. I am just now starting to realize what a toll it took on him.

Redhelen · 23/10/2005 18:44

No I have no problems on birthdays.

I can pretty much say I have filed it away and do not think about it - just thank god we are all ok. DH would like another child (we have 2) but there is no way I'd do it again - this is also because I'm almost 40 - and I doubt we could afford it! take care helenxxx

jabberwitchy · 23/10/2005 19:13

We have just the one ds. Did you have qualms about going for the second, RedHelen? I keep considering it and at 40 I know I am running out of time which puts a bit of pressure on.

melbob · 23/10/2005 19:54

Hi I had a traumatic birth DS is now 15 months, I was induced due to a condition called OC at 37 weeks and the inductionlasted 5 days. Eventually I had syntocinon which I reacted too and it felt like my cervix was being cut with a broken bottle. This was followed by me falling downstairs holding Ds when he was 4 weeks and he sustained a massive skull fracture. Thanks fully all is ok now but I do get flash backs occassionally still especially if I am stressed. On anniversary of admission for induction I was in pieces and i think it helped that I had 5 days before DS birthday which seemed like a positive outcome. DH has been deeply traumatised by events and won't contemplate another baby which makes me sad in part but mostly very glad that the decision is made and I won't have to have an induction again.

Redhelen · 23/10/2005 21:16

jabberwitchy

My ds was 5 years old - and I had told every one I didn't want any more, mainly because I was scared! (dh really wanted another) Then.....

I fell pregnant by accident early last year and had a miscarriage - I felt sure I lost a girl - and after that I really wanted another child & felt sure I'd have a girl if I succeded. After falling pregnanat last December I was delighted and had completely forgotten the labour problems I had having ds - it was not until 26 weeks of the preganacy that I started to worry, lose sleep, panic attacks etc. I saw a counsellor (an ex midwife - who kept me going and focused!)I think I'm a very perseptive person and I knew I'd have problems delivering the baby - I did, I got to 9.5cm dilated and having had a previous c-section they feared for my scar, and baby Rachel was distressed (had poohed and high then falling heart beat) and so wheeled me straight into theatre! I was very bruised as they had to pull Rachel out as she was well down the birth canal! HOWEVER - I now have a beautiful daughter and I love her sooo much and we will have fantastic fun together - it was worth it - I also have no on going flash backs etc. I've just accepted that I don't do labour!

I rather wish I had just booked a elective c-section early on - but dh was against it!

northender · 23/10/2005 21:19

Having a wonderful elective section second time round has helped me erase the bad memories of the first time. No post natal depression this time.

ScarySkribble · 23/10/2005 23:34

Having an elective section the 2nd time was completly different too, I wasn't exausted from being in labour for 2 days which helped. Perhaps it was relatated to the birth or that I was in a different situation but i didn't have such PND after the 2nd. Or maybe it wasn't so much PND the first time and more post traumatic stress. Can't say it wiped out memories of the first though.

jabberwitchy · 23/10/2005 23:56

Thanks, everyone for continuing with the thread. I am finding it really helpful as I hope you are too.

melbob, what a horrendous chain of events for you! I am only just starting to understand what dh went through. He is very, very reluctant to discuss a second child.

My situation re: a second is similar to yours, RedHelen. I am pretty sure that I had an early m/c in July. My hormones were all over the place for about 2 months after and I really started to think seriously about a second, after telling everyone I would never consider it. I do have to have a neurology consult first as I had Bell's Palsy when pregnant with ds and there is a risk of it happening again.

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