decisions decisions... how to start deciding??!

[bemybebe]

After several years of TTC and two failed IVF treatments my DH and I found ourselves falling pregnant naturally! :o

I am only 7 weeks but since all my research was focused on trying to get where I am now, I feel very unprepared for what is still to come.

Ideally, I would like home birth, but as I am 39, this is my first baby and everyone keeps telling us that the only safe option in our case is hospital one, my hubby is in panic and does not want to consider anything else. I would like to speak to various people before making the decision , but really do not know who to go about finding them.

We have an excellent insurance (from a european insurer) and they will cover any type of private antenatal care and birth). I have googled maternity care in Woking/Guildford and 'private' maternity and only big NHS hospitals seem to come up, none of which have rave reviews from people who gave birth there. What is worse, my surgery does not want me to book any initial appointments with MW who come to practice from those hospitals prior to making the final choice (i presume they do not want to 'waste time'), but how can I choose??

Can anyone share their experience in finding their midwife/hospital... I am so upset, I really do not want to be pushed through the conveyor belt system. I know MN is fabulous for 'word of mouth'... please help me start!

Can't really advise you on hospital/midwife stuff. I had 1 bad experience and 2 fabulous NHS hospital births.Just wanted to congratulate you on your pregnancy!!

I went for where I would get the best care for the baby if there were any problems afterwards.

You are unlikely to get "rave reviews" on any childbirth - it hurts!

I would just book in with your midwife and accept the 'standard' hospital for now (FWIW I had a good experience at the Royal Surrey in Guildford) and then think about your options much later once it is apparent what sort of pregnancy you're having.

@meltedmarsbars :o not rave reviews of childbirth, but the experience of giving it in a particular hospital... there was a review a few years back about one of my local hospitals as "horrible, understaffed, dirty, just a really horrible experience. My sis had her dd there 6 weeks ago and it seems thay have got worse!"
This was a few years back, so i was hoping people can have something new to say.

@Bramshott Thank you for the suggestion, I also thought I should just book something for now. Would you guys know if I go with Royal Surrey now and then decide to change, would the system allow me to do so without too much hassle?

@Nippolopolis Thank you!!! i am absolutely on cloud 9 at the moment, savouring every second of my new experiences and hopes for the future.

Thought you might find this site helpful in making a decision on homebirth :)

Bemybebe, I also had 2 good experiences at the Royal Surrey, although the last one was nearly 4 years ago so it's possible it may have changed.

There are no private wards there, but you can choose private care with a couple of the consultants. There is another option: I paid extra for an "amenity room" which means you get your own private room, but the medical care and food are the same. You can't book these in advance, so it is first come, first served, and you may not get one, but I thought it was well worth it to ensure a good night's sleep!

do a search on independent midwives in your area, find some you like the look of and get them over for an initial chat, they can advise you whether home birth is or is not suitable for you - and just talking it over with people who are not biased (good indy m/w i have met are happy to support you in whatever choice you make whether its home/hospital/c section etc) will help you feel your way to what you do and do not want to consider.

also, i wouldn't leave it too long before you start the search, because private hospitals and independent m/w can get booked up early... if you leave it til you're 5 months pregnant you may not have as many options open

congratulations!!!!!!
I had DD at a MW led birth center within a specialist maternity hospital. Perfect for me as I has a 'normal' pregnancy and wanted as 'normal' a birth as possible and was keen to used a pool. The midwife led process suited me very well - lots of room/space/options PLUS safety net of specialist delivery suite just a few minutes away through a set of doors. I didn't see a doctor throughout the entire process - no need.

you should be able to change very easily from one hospital to another, although the points made here about private hospitals booking up are valid. and you may be able to self-refer if you change (as well as when you make your initial decision where to go) without having to go through GP or MW. i changed from the Royal Free to the Whittington by self-referral, having self-referred to the Royal Free in the first place. my GP was completely unaware that self-refferal was possible and had told me that I would not be able to go to the whittington based onwhere i live. so if you get told a whole load of guff about these sorts of things, take it with a pinch of salt and look it up on the maternity pages of the hospitals' websites. congratulations!!! you must be thrilled

thank you ladies! I have booked myself Royal Surrey MW appointment, but still trying to see if I can find a MW let birth center reasonably locally. On monday I will call an independent midwife practicing locally to discuss our options. Maybe we can start birthing with her at home and see how it progresses...

@cardamomginger I am totally thrilled and over the moon :).

Thank you all again! I love mumsnet!

I had a homebirth in Surrey a couple of years ago with an excellent IM. She and her partners in the practice were all knowledgeable, experienced (all had practised for at least 20 years) and well plugged in to local health services and hospitals. They also accompanied women having hospital births, acting as doulas and/or birth partners.

DD's birth was a very positive experience and this had a lot to do with my MW. I won't consider having another child until I've saved enough money to be able to hire an IM again. (Possibly never.)

Hi, congratulations! If you have a good insurance, definitely go for a private option. I gave NHS a fair chance and was not happy with the quality & timing of service/care (I live in SW London). I decided to go privately, and so far the care has been wonderful. It took me a while to pick a consultant/hospital, though. Most people recommended finding a consultant first. However, I picked the hospital first and then looked through reviews of consultants there. If you have any pre-existing illnesses, you may want to find a consultant who has special interests in such. Personally, I would not consider a home birth, but I grew up in a healthcare system where this was never an option until recently, and my mom, aunts and even grandmothers all gave birth at hospitals, so I might be slightly biased on this matter. Good luck! If you need a consultant recommendation in London, please PM me.