Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Please help me look forward to meeting my baby

34 replies

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 05/02/2011 22:27

I'm due in a week and feeling really anxious about how I'll feel when I meet my baby. It's making me dread going in to labour and I must get my head sorted out!!

The reason is that baby probably has Down Syndrome and also has a heart defect and I have no idea how poorly he'll be or whether or not we will cope. I know it's just the unknown but I just want to look forward to meeting our baby and feel confident that we will all really enjoy each other rather than just cope.

I feel dreadful for feeling so anxious and that I've let our baby down already:(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TCOB · 05/02/2011 22:35

The weeks before meeting your baby are the strangest time - you are so close but at the same time you don't know anything about them. I was lucky enough to be fairly confident that my DCs would be healthy but even then I think there is a hefty dose of apprehension for most women (whether or not we are encouraged to be open about this in RL when everyone is constantly telling you how excited you must be etc etc is another question!). You have got all the usual nerves about labour, pain, whether you will bond etc plus the added nervousness of whether your baby will have special needs or not so it's not surprising you are nervous. Can't remember if you have other DC (think you do??) so you prob know all the above in any case - but just wanted to share my limited knowledge and wish you GOOD LUCK. And as for letting baby down - of course you aren't. You would be letting the baby down if you just didn't care and you obviously do care very much which makes you a great mum

LittlePushka · 05/02/2011 23:00

When you finish your labour honey,...you will feel like you are the ONLY woman to have EVER given birth!! It is mixture of relief, joy, tiredness and pride in yourself like you you will never nave felt, however self assured you may be.

You may not fall in love with your baby immediately - I have to say whilst I had a very strong maternal instinct towards both of my DS at birth, I did not feel "love" at first sight or have an obvious immediate bond (I did all the skin to skin and breast feeding etc) . So do not worry about that - you will learn to love this little gift. You have in no way let this baby down - you chose life for this child and you are all the more amazing a mother for that already.

if it helps, I would say that with my first I was very focused on the birth ..the great unknown of labour etc...and did not really focus on the baby or think about him as an individual at all. With my second though, i hardly ever, if at all, thought about the labour but was so excited to meet the baby. So I suspect that what you are feeling is entirely normal with a little more angst thrown in for good measure in respect of possible health issues. I hope you feel less anxious soon - look forward to your delivery, you are making history!

Anyway, I wish you and you baby well my lovely -

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 05/02/2011 23:21

Thank you both very much for your lovely and ringing-true posts. Thank you for reminding me of what the normal feelings are and you're absolutely right.

I just so want to get over this - perhaps it is the labour that I'm worried about too.

OP posts:

TCOB · 06/02/2011 00:17

Labour is an utterly terrifying thought even without anticipating possible complications - it would be a miracle if you weren't nervous. Sounds to me like it's time you found some utterly mindless sleb magazines, some lovely smellies for the bath, a nice small glass of and preferably a partner to run after you and remind you that you are a life-giving goddess

Loopymumsy · 06/02/2011 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Readytoburst · 06/02/2011 09:43

My baby is being born on Tuesday by Elcs. This week I've started to melt down a little! I put this down to having too much time on my hands while dd is at nursery to think! Brain is on overtime. How can I possibly love this one as much? What if the section goes wrong? How will I ever cope with two? Etc!

The baby has hydronephrosis and am being faced with possible kidney removal in a couple of months. However, nothing is certain and we won't know anything for definite until after the birth. I am a believer in not worrying until there is something to worry about (despite above). It's important to take everything one step at a time.

Lastly, my brother-in-law has Down syndrome and I'm an SEN teacher. Down Syndrome can be a frightening prospect but there is lots of support out there. If your baby does have Down syndrome you are likely to get a portage home visitor to help you and using the right strategies there is no reason your gorgeous dc can't go on to have a 'normal' life. In my experience people with Down syndrome are very special and your little one will bring you plenty of joy Down syndrome or no down
syndrome.

I hope I haven't said anything out of turn. When your bundle is here everything will be less frightening. :)

Sparklies · 06/02/2011 17:15

I have no words of wisdom, but I am very much thinking of you. You've already done so much for your little one and been so incredibly strong - you most definitely have not let him down, quite the opposite :)

PrincessScrumpy · 06/02/2011 18:59

I think mums always feel like we're failing - comes with the job. I'm sure you will love dc and perhaps even more as he will need you to be strong to help him/her.

Sorry I cannot be of more help, but good luck. xx

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 07/02/2011 14:03

oh gosh I posted last night and it hasn't appeared - I obviously missed the pressing button stage .

Thank you so much everyone and readytoburst - you sound very sorted.

I think I'm worried about feeling frightened / unbearably anxious when I see him, though I'm sure that's all the unknowns.

I have to say though - I've felt so uncomfortable these past couple of days that my over powering feeling is that I'm now just sick of being pregnant!!!!

OP posts:

TCOB · 07/02/2011 20:46

Sounds like the old nappy-brain has reached capacity and it is time for the wee man to land...

breatheslowly · 07/02/2011 22:59

I am amazed how people are far more concerned about labour than about the life changing event of having a baby. I had no idea that I wouldn't feel totally bonded with my baby instantly, I felt that my world had been turned upside down. It took a couple of months and now I feel the most intense love for her, particularly when she smiles at me. So don't worry if you don't feel an amazing rush of love, it will come. I am not sure where you are having your baby - but I am sure that you will be surrounded by supportive people who will ensure that you have the help you need to be able to cope. Just remember to accept any help that is offered to you, as other people will not have given birth and be flooded with hormones.

I don't know if you have read this. It was read to us at our antenatal classes.

Good luck.

TCOB · 11/02/2011 20:30

Any news yet??? Very excited for you

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 12/02/2011 20:56

He arrived last night!!!!

He's totally yummy and he does have DS and it was immediately obvious but he is just so YUMMY!!!!

He is in HDU at the mo having some cardiac checks and it's been a hectic night and day while we've gone from one place to another but he is doing really well and not having any problems at all.

Day 1 - tiring but a great day!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 12/02/2011 21:01

colette · 12/02/2011 21:02

huge congratultions so glad you posted this update

breatheslowly · 12/02/2011 21:07

Congratulations, he sounds great!

piprabbit · 12/02/2011 21:09

Congratulations on your baby's arrival, so glad that he is edible .

Somebody else posted a link to this blog on MN a little while ago. It is a lovely birth story from a lady who discovered her DD has DS at birth. It made me cry, some sad tears but mostly joy towards the end.

TCOB · 12/02/2011 21:58

Huge congratulations! So pleased for you. And am I right deducing that the clever little man arrived on his due date?

eeyore2 · 14/02/2011 13:41

Congratulations, that's lovely. How is he doing now?

Loopymumsy · 14/02/2011 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittlePushka · 15/02/2011 02:09

Welcome to the world little fella! Congratulations and I am wishing good things for you all. great stuff!

PS try not to eat him,...that is not so great

Sparklies · 15/02/2011 02:34

Must have missed this post and I was looking out for it!!

HUGE congratulations to you on the birth of your baby boy. I hope everything goes really well with the heart issues and you can have him home with you all in no time So glad to hear all is going well so far!

mandy1978 · 15/02/2011 17:12

how wonderful congratulations..

xxxx

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 15/02/2011 21:40

Thank you so much for your messages - we're home and loving it! He's feeding really well and an absolute dream. We've all fallen for him and enjoying him tremendously. He's been a really easy baby so far!

OP posts:

onthemoveyetagain · 15/02/2011 23:03

Lovely news - really happy for you. Can I just add that if you haven't looked at piprabbit's link - please do. I did so and have been crying with sadness and happiness for the last hour. Her story is so inspiring and touching and one that will stay with me for a long long time. Happy babymoon. xx

Flip

1 2