Post birth and ILs work at the hospital, don't want unexpected visits but DH is getting 'funny' WWYD?

[CrapBag]

DH texted his mum to tell her my ELCS is booked for Monday. Her response was "FIL is working nights next week", FIL is a porter at the hospital. SIL also works there too.

I asked DH why his mum replied that and he said "oh maybe he will pop his head in".

I said I didn't want anyone popping their heads in, and that includes his sister (who we see about once a year, not close at all and takes no interest in DS anyway).

DH got really really funny with me and had a bit of a go. I asked what his problem was and he said its because it was HIS family. I told him it would make no difference who it was, I wouldn't want mine popping in at any moment, I may be asleep/trying to breastfeed/just not feel up to it etc. I didn't tell him that it would be different with certain family of mine, my nan or best friend but I feel far more comfortable around them and have no problem with them seeing me post surgery with catheter still in. Don't really feel comfortable with ILs seeing me like that and would rather they waited a bit.

Problem is DH won't say anything to anyone and I can't see him making it clear to his family that they aren't to just pop by, even if its for 5 minutes, I don't want to be sat there thinking "are they going to look in now".

I am probably overreacting and being overly sensitive but after last time with DS when I felt really pressured to have visitors straight away and feel like I have to include ILs as much as my own nan(she brought me up so is like my mum) just to keep DH happy, when my nan is offering to help and do things which is great but ILs don't do anything or even offer at all so I would appreciate my nan around more anyway, it does bring back horrible memories of my last birth which I did tell DH.

WWYD? Is it worth having another word with DH and if so what do I say? I f I did bring it up again I know the reaction will be a huffy one and he won't discuss it, or he'll listen to me, not bother to reply then stomp off.

Ha ha.

I did bring it up with him again last night. I asked him if he found out why his mum felt the need to tell him that FIL is on nights, he was suppose to text her, so we can basically bring up the conversation of no popping by but he hasn't done it yet. Now he has informed me about his cousin as if it is good news and I did point out that I may be sat there with my boobs out/having catheter removed etc and I don't want anyone dropping by. He did agree.

His cousin isn't there on the day of my surgery but 2 days after, so likely to be the day that I am totally exhausted from having no sleep at all in there (I have M.E. and I cannot deal with noise and lots of comings and goings, last time on the maternity ward was far worse than having the 3rd degree tear that I sustained). I really am dreading having to stay in.

Lots of sympathy for you, with your CS due monday you really dont need this added stress. I can see it both ways tbh but the vast majority of people will see you have a valid reason for how you feel.

Its understandable that the family will want to visit, after all its not every day that you have a baby. However, to assume that its appropriate to 'pop in' is not acceptable.

YOU are the one having to go through massive physical upheaval so the final decision lays with you. That said there may be no joy in getting DH to see your point of view so perhaps a little compromise would be an option?

Maybe offer to co-operate on the absolute condition that his family are aware that (for example) if you have your curtain drawn visiting IS NOT AN OPTION. Or if they do pop in they must leave immediately if you are to feed your baby. Your justification for this is that establishing feeding for you and baby is crucial in the early days so you cant have any distractions...i.e. feeling uncomfortable with your company! The other thing may be to explain to the midwives on duty that if you close your curtain it is an indication that you do not want visitors. Most midwives will respect your wishes. Now, as for the issue of your family visiting...as long as they know the situation then their inside knowledge (lol) will leave them privvy to 'special rights'..but keep it between you and them!

Otherwise a simple text/call on your mobile/bedside phone may be wise for his family? That way you can answer if you are ok for visits...or don't if you are feeding (and you will be feeding A LOT if you get my drift...) lol!

I only make these suggestions as its what I would do as the wife of a VERY STUBBORN DH who would likely use it against me in the future!

I hope this helps a little.

All the best of luck whatever you decide. X

Thanks.

I just have images of me with my boobs out, tube in my fanjo and ILs there. Not nice!!

DS wouldn't latch on, I was exhausted and the ward was horrific and the MW told me I wouldn't be allowed to go home until I got it so I ended up FF. I'm not against it at all and considering I have M.E. it is the better option for me but I want to give BF a go this time. Stressing about bloody visitors isn't going to help me.

Agree with you totally. Dont let them taint your last few days of pg hun, you ought to be making the most of resting up before the big day. X

All the best for tomorrow! :)