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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

OBEM midwives patronising?

12 replies

violet59 · 27/01/2011 21:49

Is it just me or are the midwives on OBEM incredibly patronising? How many 'well done!', good girl!', 'sweetie' 'good job!' can I hear? All said in a tone of voice I'd use to a child who's cleaned up their room or something. I know they are trying to be encouraging, but being called sweetie or a good girl by a stranger during giving birth (as a grown woman obv) seems a tad inappopriate and would irritate me no end. I would appreciate more information 'your baby is moving down' etc Is it just me??

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lockets · 27/01/2011 21:52

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dessen · 27/01/2011 21:54

Not seen the programme but was once told to be strong during a contraction (had just got to the hospital & ds was born a few mins later) - I just thought I hope I'm not stuck with her for any length of time. So annoying & patronising

debka · 27/01/2011 21:55

I don't remember a word my MW said to me. She could have called me any name under the sun, that's how good the G&A is!

NancyDrewHasaClue · 27/01/2011 21:55

I don't think they are particularly patronising to the woman. I have found them quite patronising towards the men. Although in a couple of cases the men throughly deserved it!

WanderingSheep · 27/01/2011 21:55

There was one episode a couple of weeks ago where an 18 year old girl was being induced and one of the MWs said to her, "now, when was the last time you went for a wee wee?" like the girl was about 4! I was a bit .

WidowWadman · 27/01/2011 21:58

I shouted at the TV when in one of the recent episodes a midwife said "what a clever girl you are". What next, offer her a biscuit and a scratch behind the ear?

WildStrawberries · 27/01/2011 22:12

Well I've watched every ep of OBEM and I've thought exactly the same. I noticed many instances of 'good girl'. Perhaps it was the same midwife repeating the phrase? It's not acceptable language to use to a grown woman giving birth.

Language is a very powerful tool, there are plenty of alternative options for a harrassed midwife/doctor/caregiver to use in the heat of the moment if say, they forget the woman's name. What's wrong with instead of 'good girl' the MW could say 'that's great' just as simple to blurt out....

GMajor7 · 27/01/2011 22:29

It's an act. They aren't like that when the cameras aren't running I can promise you.

Porcelain · 28/01/2011 07:38

It is really disempowering. Not just the language, but answering for the patient, chatting over her etc, really disrespectful.

It doesn't matter how old she is, she's about to take on the responsibility of motherhood, she needs to be treated like a grown up.

kitstwins · 28/01/2011 13:44

I found it veered between the passive and aggressive when I had my babies. Admittedly it was by caesarean section so I had no one exhorting me to push like a 'good girl' but I did get "have you done a poo yet?" bellowed at me the day after the op as if I was a three year old with a potty on my head. That and being a "naughty girl" for taking off my blood-caked DVT stockings. I can't think of any other walk of life where someone would talk to me in that way - not at doctors surgery. If my GP started asking me if I'd 'done a poo yet' or called me a 'naughty girl' I'd think it highly inappropriate.

Personally I think when you go into hospital to have a baby they assume that you're a moron - you're suddenly stripped to child status. And I think it suits them - doctors, midwives, consultants - as you're far more malleable that way. Far better to have some timid, chastened woman who'll be a 'good girl' and put her legs in the stirrups when she's told to than an empowered, informed adult who's not been browbeaten/conditioned into a supplicant mindset.

Having waffled at length I do think the OBEM midwives seem quite jolly and caring, although I'm aware it may be influenced by the cameras (GMajor7 is this true?). Maybe some people prefer the comfort of being spoken to like that and it's probably preferable than being shouted at or treated badly by a midwife. I'm just not sure that we wouldn't all fare better if women were treated as and spoken to as adults when they gave birth. So much about birth is reductive when it doesn't need to be and about what is easier for medical personnel than the labouring mother. The tone and content of address routinely used seems to be just another element of that - a linguistic 'stirrups-and-episiotomy.

Eglu · 28/01/2011 13:47

DH was the first one who noticed the mws on OBEM were patronising.

You can be encouraging without speaking down to someone.

bunnyfrance · 28/01/2011 13:51

I'm not in the UK and so haven't seen the programme but I would personally have liked a bit of kind encouragement during childbirth. All I got was various midwives yelling at me that I wasn't pushing properly. Nobody had a comforting (even if patronising) thing to say!

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