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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Painful sex

12 replies

EgonSpengler · 27/01/2011 10:48

Hi there,

I was hoping for some words of advice/wisdom! My baby is 4 and a half months old and my dh and I would like to start having sex again. I had very bad 2nd degree tears (I lost 2 pints of blood) which were repaired in theatre. The consultant who did the work booked me in to see if they had healed, which they had. We tried last night and it was even tighter than it had been and also stung. Is this normal? Will it get better? We stopped as I
it was too painful to continue.

OP posts:

KikiJane · 27/01/2011 10:53

You're out of practice and anxious. Take it slowly, use lube, it should get better each time.

cardamomginger · 27/01/2011 11:51

well done for trying - i found it very scary at first! what kiki says is quite true, but you might also have what i had when my tear healed which is a build up of harder scar tissue. i was referred to a specialist gynae physio who broke down the scar tissue with ultrasound (it's all external, so nothing goes inside). after three sessions everything was SO much softer and more supple. i was also advised to massage the scar with bio oil - again this helps to soften things. but the ultrasound was what really helped. if you are in or around north london i can recommend my physion if you like. xx

cardamomginger · 27/01/2011 11:52

physio, not physion.... damned one-handed typing....

Metalhead · 27/01/2011 13:16

I had a very similar birth experience - it took 6 months until we could have painless sex again.

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 27/01/2011 13:47

Hi all,

Thanks so much for the advice - it's good to know I'm not alone (not that I would wish this on anybody!).

Kiki - Good tip. Will do. We rather went straight to the main event, as it were...

cardamom - Thanks! It's super scary! That sounds like it might be a possibility. Sorry for the overdose of info, but I tore laterally as well as through the perineum. The consultant showed me a drawing of the damage and it looked like it had gone through a shredder gulp. I am! Stoke Newington (mummy central!). If you wouldn't mind, that'd be great.

Metalhead - You poor love. It's horrid isn't it? Good lord. Looks like I'd better take it easy...

OP posts:

cardamomginger · 27/01/2011 14:55

Egon - have PMed you with details X

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 27/01/2011 17:06

Thank you cardamom! X

OP posts:

lurcherlover · 27/01/2011 19:47

Good to know I'm not the only one struggling with this at the moment! Beginning to think DS will be an only child forever...

first1 · 29/01/2011 10:53

I tore badly with a 3a tear, restitched at 12weeks as it wasn't healing. I tried sex for the first time 15weeks post restitch and F me it was excruciating felt like I was a virgin again to be honest! Am now 23weeks post restitch and though have only done it 4times and we've needed lube - a lot - each time has got considerably easier than the last. :) go you for trying!!

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 30/01/2011 12:23

Oh you poor love! I'm so with you on the virgin thing. Good God, it feels ridiculous!

Thank you - fingers crossed it will get easier.

Well done you as well! xx

OP posts:

lurcherlover · 31/01/2011 18:44

We had a marginal improvement last night (second attempt since birth) in that he could at least get in, whereas the first time he was only about a cm in and I was in agony. Neither of us could move last night as that hurt, so we just lay there like statues for a minute before stopping. My porn star career is on hold, I think...

vix206 · 31/01/2011 21:41

I had the same problem, 2nd degree tear and lost 2 litres of blood. DS is 5 months. We managed to DTD on Saturday night (2nd attempt - we tried after 12 weeks and it was AGONY!). Well, all I can sau is it bloody stung and burned to start with, we had to use a lot of KY jelly (yuck) and it was painful to start with, then it eased off to just uncomfortable. We were very gentle and I did manage to enjoy it a bit. Hardly inspiring I know but I was so happy to be a fully functioning woman again!!

It will get better, my advice is to be patient, keep calm, use a lot of lube and follow your instincts. I wanted to ask DH to stop but had the strong sense that the stinging would ease off with some gentle perseverance and I was right - but it wasn't easy. A bit like the first time but more painful...

The things we go through hey?! ;)

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